Ted left this concern at Dogsquat´s

I think I have the concept of game well covered) how game works. It is using specific actions to trigger specific reactions from a woman. In a way, I see it as a social way of making a person’s leg twitch by hitting the kneecap with a rubber mallet. It is a reaction to a trigger. I don’t have any issue with understanding that. My issue is, why do we have to go through all this?

Collectively we will gravitate toward the lowest common denominator even though we have the capacity to be much more. Unless pushed, most people simply don’t care to improve. Yes, I get that the sky is blue and water is wet. But the sky and water do not have self awareness and intelligence to become something else. To simply state that something just “is” when it comes to female sexuality is completely removing intelligence and will from the equation.

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OK, let’s break it down.

[Game] is using specific actions to trigger specific reactions from a woman.

No. Social interaction is what you do to trigger specific reactions from people. Really think, sit and process that one. From the moment you open your mouth, greet people, say hi, hello, thanks, all your demeanor, all your public presence an interactions, are, exclusively, actions that trigger specific reactions on people.

If you’re kind to other people you expect kindness back. If you are abusive to other people, you expect them to respond as victims do. If you tell jokes, you expect laughs. If you are generous, you expect gratitude. Whenever you dont get what you EXPECT, you’re going to feel hurt. You’re going to feel that how the world treats you doesnt match what your inputting. Simply put, your ability to get disoriented and hurt exposes your selfish, self centered, manipulative, inner bitch.

Now, this is less manipulative if what you do and what you project is “really” what you feel and how you are, and you’re not doing it “because” you expect any specific return. But go ahead, and examine if you’re doing what you’re doing because that “is you”, or because you expect something in return. How to measure that? check the pain meter. The more hurt you are, the more you’re doing whatever you’re doing to get something in return.

So, no, game is not using specific actions to get specific reactions. Action / Reaction is just socialization.

Game is a map telling you which actions trigger which reactions and why. And you can use that to overwrite the non-functioning one.

My issue is, why do we have to go through all this?

We are intelligent creatures, totally and utterly capable of overriding our most basic and strongest biological urges

No we’re not.

We’re intelligent. Cough. Yes. But intelligence is only needed when there’s pain, and the use of intelligence requires a deliberate, problem solving approach – it requires acknowledge of pain AND having the responsibility to go find and fix the issue. So you’re only going to use your intelligence when you cant ignore/placate the pain AND you cant use someone else to figure it out. That’s just how it is. It’s called conservation of energy.

And then, intelligence is only at the service of your basic and strong biological urges. Intelligence only works when you’re in pain, remember? you cant override your pain with intelligence. Your pain is the fuel. You will think and problem solve and reach agreements and do whatever you can to survive. Surviving is not a rational drive. Actually, I´ll wait here while you look for a single example of any human being overriding their most basic and strongest biological urges.

We dont want intelligence. Dude. You dont want the intelligence to, say, handle x1000 the problems you can handle now. You dont want the intelligence to figure out every problem in the world and take on them. What you want is pleasure, comfort, fitness, and control. You need intelligence to handle the stuff that is preventing you from reaching that state, you need intelligence to find your way through, but you’re going to use your intelligence to make yourself happy, or make yourself comfortable in whatever situation you’re in and survive, and not the other way around. Intelligence is a tool. Once you reach your destiny, you’re going to relax and turn it off. As you should.

If we could not override our nature, no human alive would run into a burning building to save a stranger. No human would go to war for their country.

Why is it then that women dont go into the burning building to save male strangers, but men do?

Check Animal Planet. Animals do fight, go to war, protect their women and children, eggs, the colmena, animals live in war and put themselves second when needed, in order for their tribe to survive. Bottom line, this isnt a human, rational construct. Wars and society and firefighters and heroes are part of our animal imprint.

Actually, try to talk rationally to a soldier into NOT going into war. And you’ll get an emotional, not rational, response.

if we would simply stop rutting in our “nature” and rose above to become something better.

But this hits the nail.

Stop rutting our nature and become something better. On one hand, you despise your nature, you’re drowning in shame and self rejection, and cant find your way to accept yourself and other people, you find yourself as an outcast, and see our base nature as defectful. On the other hand, you think you can do “better”. Say, nature rigged this thing, but Ted has a better idea, and the idea is to add more intelligence (more problem solving) to the mix. So you’re in pain right? you’re in trouble. Who do you think it’s going to dictate what that “better” is? who do you think is going to lay the rules down so your intelligence can figure out a “better” human being? because all I can see is your pain, your very defectul, unfit and rejected biological nature…. full of pain… your inner manipulative bitchy beautiful monster, unwilling to use your own intelligence to solve the problem you’re in for yourself.

In other words, you want all of us, you want the world to change and overwrite the basic nature and use their intelligence to form bridges, because your own body is in pain, and you are unwilling to use your own intelligence to figure it out.

You want to conserve your energy and waste ours.

So go fuck yourself. And I love you, my friend, but fuck yourself already. Grow the fuck up.

THAT is the reason I keep looking for the why of it all.

I hope I provided.

Not because I don’t understand how it works, but because I simply cannot fathom why we all collectively don’t just wise up and change the rules. And this is also why I tend to feel that “people” suck.

People suck. I suck. You suck. We’re are horrible. But we’re cool and beautiful too. Carry your own mess and use your own intelligence – dive into your own pain and own your own hurts, stop being lazy now and use your own energy to figure this out, instead of asking everyone else and ringing the false high-road bell. Save laziness for the future. Procastinate laziness, save that for when you’ve made it. For when you’re good.

Own your own mess. And you´ll see it.

Collectively we will gravitate toward the lowest common denominator even though we have the capacity to be much more. Unless pushed, most people simply don’t care to improve.

You’ve got it. We tend to conservate energy. Unless there’s trouble, pain, conflict, why change? we can be “so much more” really translates to “we can be different”. But if when there’s no trouble, pain or conflict… what’s the point on being different? you hold on to that state. As you should.

Converting capacity / potential into factual, real goods takes work. Now ask yourself how much work do you want to put into reaching all your capacity and potential, while holding to the idea that this is just a “different” you, not necessarily “better”, because “better” is mostly defined by the external conditions. So how much work?

If you’re sane, the response is as much work as needed, but as little as possible.

For a lot of people whatever they are doing simply works. They manage to get to the end of the week and to the end of the month. That’s all it takes to hold on.

Yes, I get that the sky is blue and water is wet. But the sky and water do not have self awareness and intelligence to become something else. To simply state that something just “is” when it comes to female sexuality is completely removing intelligence and will from the equation.

You dont become something else because you’re aware. You become something else when you dont have other choice. Let’s say the sky and water had self awareness. What would you expect them to become? what’s wrong with the sky and water to begin with? what’s going to happen? sky + water 3.0 with a usb port? what for?

How is intelligence going to change masculine and feminine sexuality, when it’s not broken? if anything, intelligence is going to break it to fit your previously broken stuff, like feminism and some other religions have.

Stop putting this stuff outside.

What you’re doing is complaining that whatever you’re doing doesnt work, doesnt give you what you expected to receive in exchange of your behavior / manipulation, and you want other people to use their intelligence, or if they dont, at least blame your pain on them for not doing it, so you dont have to own your own pain, dont have to use your own intelligence, and dont have to change and become a different version of you.

You’re like a crying baby, except you’re in age to walking to the kitchen, open the fridge, and feed yourself.

I wrote this at Rivelino’s

Bro, Im still digesting this stuff, but here’s the succint that explains where all of your problems come from: watch the video.

There are four pieces in play. Two people, one needing, other giving, one owning the frame, other reacting to the frame, one needing the other for survival, and an ambivalence that goes between “hey Im cute look at me!” and “fuck Im furious look at me”, and then the range of hate / love / sadness / despair / joy / safeness that happens between the two.

That circuit gets printed before we learn to talk = before we are able to form abstract and concepts. It’s a basic four piece, emotional / behavioral circuit.

There are many ways that circuit can be imprinted “wrong”. One is to have the mom (or dads) on the receiving end, making the kid the giver. Other is having him owning the frame. Other is to have the mom (or dads) respond only when the kid acts out. Other is making the kid act out and then silence him / punish him for it. Etc. Shortly, the kid understands the game and starts to play it.

And then you build everything on top.

Your experiences from ages 12-21, of course helped forming you, because you’re 35 now and this is a sum accumulative game. But honestly, what happened to you from 12-21, are the same mechanics that were already happening, only adding more external world influence, sex drive, and additional pressures.

Im trying to locate the source of the pain, and is this: like a compass or a geometrical piece that wants to find equilibrium, the pain wants to find the “good” again (from the good the bad and the ugly), but it only knows to reach that “good” by balancing violently between the bad and the ugly and episodes of rage and if that doesnt work, splitting / self mutilation ( cutting out the undesired parts of you, your past, identity, emotions, people, relationships, blocking stuff out, etc)

It’s a constant look out for the elusive “good” part of the dynamic.

Then BPD and narcissim, codependency etc: when this stuff get’s bad imprinted, it’s like the foundation of the building isnt strong enough, so the building cant grow normal. Like a bonsai or something. The learned game doesnt “work” so it keeps trying, its an internal struggle that never resolves. Like the rat that pushes the lever once and again and gets rewards randomly ( the basis of compulsive behavior / addiction ). Plus the whole identity gets build on top of it.

BPD narcissim etc equals having the emotional growth of a three year old or so. You get stuck to the mechanics that quite dont work ( yet are the only you know ) and miss the mechanics that you would have developed in the subsequent years.

Say, if you knew how to get to the good part, and how to get to the bad and ugly part on your own, with control over your emotions, by the time sexuality peaked, age 12, you would have had natural “game”, and you would have been assertive about your needs and wants.

But you werent confident / self reassured about your needs and wants, because you were still negotiating how to even feel “good” and safe, so you didnt develop game nor saw girls / relationships for what they were – but you just added this to the previous unresolved mix, like, seeking the “good” (basic, maternal, paternal love where you’re defenseless and you’re intimally loved and taken care of and safe) from girls, mixing the defenseless and the sexual aggressive drive and the long time affection longing and the sense of dispair of never feeling safe, etc. and, adding the ugly and acting out and resenting the “big provider” for being such a manipulator, and whatever other mechanisms you needed to stabilize the original game, being a control freak, or being a doormat, or placing your needs last, or placing them first, exercising too much pressure (abusing), or letting yourself be abused, attaching too strongly, or refusing to attach at all, the places you had to go or the places you were forbidden to go, or whatever, whatever you had to learn and repeat so you could have access to the good part, or could live at all if the good part never came.

And then add years and years of rationalization that attempted to normalize this so you could do other stuff, have friends, work, study, have a life.

The idea seems to be that people are stuck on an emotional development age. It explains a hell of a lot for me.

Then of course, when you “click” with somebody, it’s your internal game, the primal game what clicks. You see the opportunity to play the game and win it this time. Whatever that game is, whatever the imprint is, “that” is what is going to repeat. You’re going to repeat what already happened, because you’re still playing that game, and you’re asking around who wants to play it with you.

If you’re broken you can’t be happy.

I

Fill a broken cup and it’s gonna be drained before you even get to taste it, even though you paid its full price. Pay for a refill and that one, again, is going to be emptied before it touches your lips.

As long as you’re broken, no matter what you do, what you achieve, how much work you put into; you’ll be paying the full price and successive refills, once and again, to get only a fraction.

II

The temptation is to keep working on avoiding the pain, filling the void, reaching a spot of stability on turbulent waters, reaching a new peak of glory, finding salvation, holding to something that makes you make sense… while running away from the darkness, running away from the pain, from the unwanted, from the hurt.

The temptation is to find comfort in pleasure while in you’re in pain, or, to heal the void by filling the void.

But attempting to heal the void while filling the void won’t let you do either.

III

Healing your void involves feeling the pain to it’s root. Filling your void involves avoiding the pain.

The pain drives you to overcompensate and create a shiny illusion of yourself that balances all that darkness. While you’re driven, you spend that energy on the false self to get goods that validate that false self. But the cup is broken. When the energy runs out, the false self dissolves and you fall back to the darkness, even hungrier.

So you can’t push in both directions. Can’t heal the darkness while avoiding it. Can’t heal the pain while getting aids for the pain.

IV

The pain will heal when you stop resisting and allow yourself to feel it.

When you do, that will expose the wound. Once the wound is finally exposed, it’s gonna be infected, due the long time neglect and all the stuff and mistakes that made it worse. But it will heal. Once the wound is part of your consciousness, it will heal, like any other wound in the body, because that’s what the body does. The body repairs itself, as long as the body can detect the wound and has enough energy & resources.

So when you do it, when you stop resisting and allow yourself to feel the pain and the wound gets exposed, all of that energy is liberated and the wound begins to heal, from the bottom up. Just like a broken bone or a cut in the flesh.

All the energy you were using to avoid feeling the pain is now used by your body to heal the wound.

And when that happens the pain concedes, it’s a transition. It’s a healing process. It takes time, but it’s done, for real.

V

Once the pain is felt and wound is healed, you’re not longer driven to avoid it, the pain is not pushing you all day long to do something to silence it. There’s not longer a void, which was created by you making walls to block and isolate parts of your self. There’s not longer a need for a false self to cover the dark self and no dark impulses and no shame and no guilt. There’s no dissociation. There’s no fracture. You’re one. And you, as one, are able to feel and experience everything at it’s full, non repressed intensity. You’re not longer numb, you’re not longer lost.

Which means, your compass gets back to working properly. Like it was before it got broken. Which means you can now trust your instincts, drives, desires and needs. Which means you can continue to grow and develop on top of it.

And all that energy, all that drive, all the energy that was repressed and lost in distractions, now you can use to do the stuff that really matters to you, and get the stuff that really matter to you.

The cup is not longer broken. Fill it, fill it baby.

And make yourself happy.

If you havent stopped by the rawness lately or you dont know gettingbetter.com, make a room in your schedule and prepare to absorb these articles. This is going to do you much better than anything I can post here at the moment.

For once, while Im gaining understanding of my own emotional body and seeing more clearly what I’ve been doing and where I should go, I am ALSO gaining insight on differences between gender behavior and just plain craziness.

Check this out and you’ll see what I mean, from gettingbetter:

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‘TILL DEATH DO US PART
BPD and The Marriage Crucible

EDIT: Shari asked me to take down her post, so go read it here instead. Well worth your time.

Great and succinct post from Roosh, to which I would add:

Everyone is wanting you to fail, except of the people who benefit from you winning. Those people NEED you to win.

Not that they necessarily share your goals, but everyone needs an icon. Something that represents something else they are invested in. In some cases that benefit is material, say, like in politics or religion. Or anything else involving money.

And not that they can give you advice either. If they do it’s probably going to be shitty advice. Advice should be taken, only, from people who A) have achieved what you want to achieve and B) want you to succeed.

A roadmap to success is to build a group of people who need you to win. A group of people who benefit from you making it. Be it because they believe, or because their share of the pie comes from yours.

If it’s not your dad nor your sisters, family and friends, well too bad. Fuck it. Leave and get a new circle. Form a new tribe.

When you lack logical rigurosity and the willingness to change your ideas to fit uncomfortable data and facts, magical thinking helps you wrap the unknown into beautiful lies that make you feel good.

The rationalization hamster is a magical creature.

Everything you wanted to know about aloofness but were afraid to meow.

Video thanks to Koanic.

Good stuff there.

The Last Psychiatrist usually has interesting insight on popular culture and movies. This is a mashup from my comments there:

I didnt read either book, I only watched the movies. That is, the Harry Potter movies and THG one. So take this with a grain of salt.

Manhood. Males compete and train and adhere to greatest principles. The underlying drive, always, is competition, to possess the higher force, the more fine tuned resource, the bigger cock, etc. To outlast, outperform, outsmart, dominate. To win.

A character is “manlier” when he decides, consistently, to defeat the environment, to prevail, to be stronger than, to amass power, to do the higher cause thing, etc. When he says “no” to forced circumstances and keeps pushing, against all odds, to make things his way. And this drive shines in absense of external encouragement – and often at expenses of it.

So. Harry doesnt defeat Voldemort. He goes to the forest because he doesnt want other people to die, and surrenders. The manly move would have been to go into the forest with either a plan or a bigger cock and kill the enemy. Instead, he recognizes Volermort’s bigger cock and offers himself to him. Voldemort only ends up dead because it’s a happy story. Harry’s cock didnt kill him, the story did.

Then, to make it even more unmanly, Harry is rewarded the hyper powerful bigger than the universe magical stick… and he gets rid of it. Harry doesnt want the power, doesnt want the supreme magic, doesnt want the trouble. All he wants is peace and stability and to grow a family and take his kids to school and the comfort and the familiar. He doesnt want to go further and push the envelope and take decisions that radically alter things, he doesnt want to grow into a legend, he wants to be normal, he wants the mundane.

He has “feminine” goals.

In nature, and in society, a man with such safe ambitions rarely can achieve them, because men do have to compete other men and rank higher on the men’s ladder to have a shot at reproduction and stability. Heck. When women – who primarily want stability and comfort and safety and to have stuff done and provided to them – are screening for partners, they usually pick the more dominant, higher ranked men in the group, the men who can actually risk themselves out there in the so dangerous world and win some prizes, so they can provide safety and stability for others.

So guys with the ambition of Harry Potter have NO chance to do the stuff Harry Potter does in the movies. Nor can inspire all that movement around them, nor the sympathy nor the loyalty nor the admiration.

But his story makes sense if he’s a girl. A magical, underage virginal girl that everyone wants to protect and is willing to die and kill for. A girl who has value because of who she is – a jewel, a symbol, an object – and not because of what she does. And at the end, after every other option has been exhausted, she “chooses” to sacrifice herself to avoid the suffering of the ones she loves. The ultimate sacrifice. She abandons her comfort, goes into the forest and let’s the dangerous, evil, powerful man have her. She totally surrenders to him. Yum. You bet she was turned on?

Now that’s a story that has been told SO many times.

Which brings us to Katniss.

“you would likely understand that Katniss chooses to lead a rebellion”

Im going out on a limp here and guess that when she “chooses” to “lead?” a rebellion, it’s pretty much the only thing she can do, like when she “chooses” to take her sister’s place or when she “chooses” to team with Peeta or when she “chooses” to shoot an arrow to some killer running towards her or when she “chooses” to cut some bee’s nest that was – so conveniently – at the reach of her hand.

While anything can be viewed as a “choice”, a real choice is when the externals are not pushing towards it as the “only, and only possibility, or else”. In this sense, Katniss doesnt make any choices on the movie. She doesnt stick to any decision. She reacts to the environment, she self-defends, taking what seems to be the best choice, which is usually presented in comparison to some other unfathomable choice, and the story takes charge, presenting her with the choices she has to make. And then she makes them.

She’s pretty much a stone carried by a grandiose wave.

She’s a leaf on a tsunami.

I still dont get why anyone would call her “badass” or strong. She did what she had to do. But her decisions werent her own. In a different story or context, she would have launched the Hiroshima bomb, or she would have sacrificed herself to the Hiroshima bomb, depending on what the story requested from her.

She’s no more badass than the avarage teenager.

If she had been born in the Capitol she would be hosting the Hunger Games herself. You know, to feed her family. And those fire dresses are expensive.

When you drive the story you own your circumstances, you’re the cause, your decisions have long repercussions you have to deal with, the environment is your mirror, you have the power, you’re the active element, and you are either a hero, or a villain.

When the story drives you, when the story happens to you, the circumstances own you, the environment determines your decisions and channels your actions, you’re just the mirror of your environment, you dont have power, you’re a passive element, you’re a victim on the hands of either a responsible parent or an abuser.