07 Apr 2013, Posted by yohami in game, personal, 24 Comments

Girls with boyfriends

Yeah dude, fuck my girlfriend, I dont mind.

I am an Omega and Im five years old. We are playing the lion and other animals in kindergarden. She says she wants to marry mr zebra. And that I am never going to be her boyfriend.

Six. Blonde cute princess. I make a paper collar, a ring and some drawings for her. Wrap them into a letter, asking if she wants to be my girlfriend. Later I see her wearing the collar, but never get a response.

Seven. I am with this brunette tomboy girl and we are best friends. I also want to jump on top of her, but not sure what for exactly. The kids chant and tease that Im her boyfriend. I deny it.

Eight. I fall in love with a cartoon character. “The girl of the flowers”. She had magical powers. She has a boyfriend, he saves her from time to time.

Nine. I keep Nati’s heart shaped picture in my pocket for a year. When I return to town and see her again she wants to kiss and stuff. I want to play with car toys instead.

Ten. Best friend’s with Dariela and also a crush on her. She goes out in the afternoon to make out with a tiny neighbor boy she doesnt like, but she wants to try the kissing stuff.

Ten. Dariela’s twin younger sisters flirt with me and say that I should want to rape them. I take offense.

Ten. I realize that all I want from a woman is between the neck and the legs. Decide that the greek sculptures are fine as they are.

Eleven. I send letters to every one in my old neighborhood. Pretty girl Daniela confuses it for a gest of interest and wants to have me.

Twelve. Learn to masturbate looking at Kiara’s posters, while locked in a closet. Im on fifth grade. Some girls and boys are already fucking, most of the boys are fucking the same girl, in group, when they gather to “study”.

Fifteen. I fall in love with “Estela” from a “High Expectations” animated series. I realize that I can put all my feelings in a “box” and stop feeling them. But that this sometimes explodes later. I realize I can replace one girl with the next and keep the emotions the same.

Fifteen. Thin spanish Lorena starts flirty letters, says she’s in love, I respond and we become boyfriend and girlfriend on paper. We never kiss. I suspect the letters are really from her sister.

Fifteen. Curly red haired Gloria sends me a letter, saying that I could be a good boyfriend for her. Later she asks if I have a condom.

Fifteen. Ada comes in a dream and she becomes my twilight zone girlfriend. I write letters to the real world Ada and go visit. The real Ada is kind of flattered but confused as to where my infatuation comes from. Also she’s back from a trip to some mountain and has the libs inflated because she was kissing someone.

Sixteen. I write a poetry book for Elisa. She says thanks but rejects it. She becomes boyfriends with a good looking gringo guy she cannot talk with because he doesnt speak spanish. Then a different girl falls in love with me for the book I wrote for Elisa. Then Elisa dumps the gringo and wants me too, sort of, but she is really after one of my friends.

Nineteen. My first kiss. She’s the bassist of my first band. Im in love with her so are my three best friends. Though, she’s just trying to piss off her aunt when she kisses me. She shuffles between all of us and then chases a badder boy who doesnt want her and is into another girl who has a boyfriend. Then she starts fucking the owner of a record store / bar who has a girlfriend. Then she tries cocaine.

Twenty. Lose my virginity to Sandra. She’s 16. We start a short monogamy. On a two weeks travel that I do back to little town, she fucks another guy and his girlfriend, and starts a beta orbiter relationship with one of my musician friends. I dump her. She goes on to have many boyfriends but keeps saying that she wants me to want her. Gets married, cheats on the hubby.

Twenty. Dani, 17, we write poetry and make out. She also has this tall male orbiter with whom she goes to motel rooms “to smoke weed”. We do on and off. She gets pregnant of another dude and marries. Then divorces and takes the kid to another country.

Twenty. Liliana, 19. She likes me when Im dominant instead of shy. She has a rich boyfriend she fucks every day, then she calls me / finds ways for us to be alone.

Twenty. I pick up a fat gothic girl at a party, spend the night masturbating each other. She gets angry that I dont want to go further and calls me shitty names in a public plaza where Im doing some meditation. Becomes girlfriend of one of my friends, then dumps him. Gets married to another dude, then divorces.

Twenty one. Fabiola. She’s 14. I totally surrender to my love for her. We kiss twice. We make promises of eternal love and soul matching. She lives in another city, and when Im back home she falls for another kid who takes his tshirt off and make out at a bonfire while playing the bottle. They hit it off and become boyfriends. Then she dumps him and grabs another one, then dumps him and grabs another one etc. Makes clear I should still be available if / when she needs me. Im special for her, just not that kind of special.

Twenty one, two, three. Celibacy. I discover Castaneda and Alchemy. I try to become a saint, plus Im still in love. I do drugs, I create and burn companies, try to make rich, dream about having a girlfriend, owning my own computer, and a place where I can sleep.

Twenty four. Im moving towards the Beta/White Knight frame and leaving Omega back. Cristina. She’s 17 and a virgin. She’s a rich girl and Im almost homeless. I become her boyfriend and we date for 8 months with no sex. Then she goes out on a weekend camping trip and loses her virginity to some boyscout. Says she needs time but that we should keep in touch and be friends. Never see each other again.

Twenty four. Short attempts to go Bad Boy. Maria, guitar player of some punk band. Become her boyfriend fuck and dump in less than two weeks.

Twenty four. Marina has been in love with me for years. She has a boyfriend, though they are in a hiatus. She’s on my bed after kissing heavily, says she cannot have sex with me because she’s in a relationship, but says we could have sex if I rape her. I pass on the offer. Next day she thanks me for my White Knight morals, then gets off my radar.

Twenty four. Drunk drugged girl is some dude’s girlfriend. She follows me home screaming my name and saying she’s going to have herself killed on the street unless I let her in and fuck her. So I do it. Her boyfriend later finds out and apologizes for her behavior.

Twenty five. Girl student rapes me in a bathroom, where Im puking after having had too many tequilas, while her boyfriend is waiting at the table.

Twenty five. Clara. She’s on my couch, with the legs open and bright eyes, waiting for me to make a move, but I dont make any. She wants a boyfriend and I dont want to mislead her. I hook her up, sort of, with a friend. They marry and then divorce, the dude goes on a punk rock band and tours latin america, while she settles in miami and sends me invitations with sexual remarks.

Twenty five. Carolina, she’s a student. I crush on her and we fuck. She has a long distance boyfriend, which whom she breaks to be with me fulltime. A year later she’s living in USA and repeating the script, having me as a long distance boyfriend while fucking another dude. Then marries that other dude.

Twenty eight. I have matured into a full Beta by now. Cynthia. I fly to Argentina to be with her. She makes me work hard, even moreso after becoming her boyfriend. She finds new dudes to orbit her, a writer, a policeman, a video director. I try to make the relationship and the craziness work to the point of creating a company where both of us can work in and she can create stuff. But we fight a lot and I dump her, then end the business relationship, where I was also playing “Beta of The Month” for my employees. She chases me for a while but then steals my money, becomes a lesbian, and disappears in Europe.

Twenty nine. Barbie. Become her boyfriend for three months. We go from sexual napalm to conversational napalm since she spends all day talking / stressing about unimportant stuff. Dump her over email. She spends seven years widowing our relationship.

Twenty nine. Discover David De Angelo on OKCupid and add “Cocky n Funny” to my Beta thing. Ale. Nice girl. Weekend’s boyfriends for about a year. She doesnt know who Freud/Einstein/Edison/Marx are nor wants to find out. I get bored.

Thirty. Angie. She had been the girlfriend of a friend of mine many years before. We reconnect and connect emotionally, online. One day she is saying she wants my babies, the next day she is flying to Dubai with an ex boyfriend and breaking contact.

Thirty one. Girl is brilliant, beautiful and creative and owns a pet dragon, but also cuts herself and has a sadist angle. I try to save her, want to marry her, she makes me chase her for a while and then reveals she doesnt want me in that way. I cut contact. She keeps saying hi and sending emoticons.

Thirty one. I discover Game and start moving into Alpha/Bad Boy frame. Enter a series of short to instant relationships. Fuck many girls. Half of them with boyfriends. Some of them wear my clothes the morning after and go to skype with the boyfriend, or text “I love you” or talk to them on the phone while I am fucking them.

Thirty three. Flor. Belgian girl playing chess. We meet at a party, take her home and fuck. Two days later I follow her to a camping in Rosario and we fuck all night in the river. She leaves to Chile, spends a few months there, gets a boyfriend, does drugs, comes back to Argentina for a few days, ignores me, then goes back to Belgium saying that she loves me.

Thirty four. Kissing some paraguay girl at a club. Hands down her clitoris. Make out. Drinks dance and stuff. Then “I have a boyfriend”. Then having sex or not. This x10.

Thirty four. Im full on Alpha frame. Nonstrings harem thing. Many girls, soft relationships, fucking several girls at once or in rotation. Some of them have fulltime boyfriends. Some of them want me to be theirs. I feel hollow and crave for real human connections.

Thirty five. Girls nights. Hearing girls talk about their boyfriends and relationships, evenly unhappy, all of them burning in (mostly) repressed desire to fuck other dudes, some of them doing it, some of them planning how to dump the current boyfriend, even though they are moving in with them or purchasing shared cars / properties. How to dump him but keep the car? sort of thing.

Thirty five. She’s a pet trainer and full of joy. She has a remote boyfriend whom she cuts off to be with me, and I cut off my harem to be with her, but she goes back to exboyfriend for two months and fucks him again. I forgive her and take her back, then she goes to diner and stuff with her other exes nonstop. I dump her because Im sure she’s cheating, plus she’s been ramping up on emotional games. She finds a new boyfriend quickly enough and moves in him with. A year later the new boyfriend commits suicide.

Thirty five. I discover “The rawness”. BPD, Narcissim, Codependency etc. I get more insight on what’s going on with the boyfriend / girlfriend thing. My own reflection isnt pretty.

Thirty six. Eve. Meet her at a bar, she talks nonstop about her brazilian ex boyfriend who cheated on her 50 times and broke her heart. We have sex and I take care of her tears for a few days. Then she turns the teary drama on myself.

Thirty six. Helen, fat older tourist-guide girl, comes to a party, hides the whiskey, we fuck, have sushi, then I get bored of hearing her talk about her failed relationships and political slogans. We stop talking, she blocks me on facebook.

Thirty six. Caramel, colombian / NYC cute girl. Follows me around till we have a proper bar date and fuck. Keeps giving hints she wants me to go for the boyfriend thing, even though she creates drama ploys in which she wants me to chase her around the city with her having a new guy clinging to her during the whole time, but dumping him to be with me by the end of the night.

Thirty six. Sam. She has a boyfriend she’s planning to break up with. Also needs two hours of foreplay before fucking, and bites hard.

Thirty six. Harem with soft strings. Multiple girl-friends with benefits who know about each other. Shortly all of them want the boyfriend/gilrfriend thing, even though some of them actually have boyfriends or are trying to get back with an ex, or are not really over an ex, or are more interested on chasing some new dude or licking each other’s parts when Im not around.

Thirty six. She’s 23. She has a boyfriend she’s cheating on with me, she’s also fucking other dudes, including my best friend, and Im with a lot of other girls too… but she wants me to be her boyfriend. I like her and I comply, then she goes on a travel for 2 months and parties hard. Next day when she comes back I find her on a bed kissing another girl and grabbing some ex lover by the groin. I dump her, but she “doesnt know what she did wrong”.

Thirty seven. Single and with no intention to go back to the pool for the time being. Need my time and focus to make the music. No time to waste on diversions.

* * *

So tell me. What is all the boyfriend and relationships fuzz about? What kind of solace do people get from the boyfriend thing, why do girls lust for having a boyfriend? they lust for the stability and emotional comfort of a man who will commit to them, even if it’s for a short while, but as soon as they get this comfort it gets overriden by something else. The boyfriend role – one that changes at any time at any moment according to the times and flavors…. what’s in it? what does it really mean.

Seems like there are two kinds of available women, the single ones and the “in a relationship” ones, with the single ones more craving for stability, and the “in a relationship” ones more craving and more wild for random cock. I have had better luck with girls with boyfriends than when I’ve been in the boyfriend role myself. Less work and more fun. And any trace of stability or nurturing companionship is taken away as soon as the girl is presented with a better option, even if that option is merely contextual and void of anything deeper, and not boyfriend material – or probably just because of that -. When Im single and hitting on girls Im usually that better option. When Im in a relationship and taken off the pool, I have to fight and combat and keep and police all the stranger cock she seems so eager of.

Not worth the time. Not for me.

23 Mar 2013, Posted by yohami in personal, politics, 4 Comments

Learning vs. getting grades and the current education system

I taught at a design college for a couple of years. When I started there was no material so I made up my own course. It was deep and demanding and I tested the students against real case scenarios and pushed their limits and put their skills to use. The ones who were interested in the subject learned fast, the ones who werent interested, it was too much for them.

My best students were guys who werent really paying attention in class, they were doing the stuff on their own, and called me only for help. They were ahead of the program.

I was ok with putting zero grades (F-) to the ones who didnt care about learning the stuff. My take: if you cant do this stuff, you aint gonna be making money with it on the real world, so why do you want a grade on it? go do something else.

Nonetheless I got the “best teacher award” from the students four times in a row.

So. A couple of women protested and wanted to pass my course, on the basis that they had been attending to class and had done most of the assignments. Were they able to do the stuff? no. But they wanted recognition for their efforts. I got pushed by the directive board so I gave an A+ to everyone. A month later I got the official program I was supposed to teach. It was totally newbie and useless stuff, and I was expected to follow it to the letter and dump my demanding course. So, naturally, I quit. Now everyone is passing the course.

Do they know how to do the stuff? no. They just made it more difficult for hiring departments to filter the ones who can do stuff from the ones who only have a grade.

And the guys who used to be my best students, the school is now just too slow and mind numbing for them. They are doing their own thing, making money with what they learned.

And those who protested and got a free A+, they are doing their own thing too. But one totally unrelated to the material they got a grade for.

22 Aug 2012, Posted by yohami in inner game, personal, 24 Comments

Conflating Feelings With Intention – Narcissism, Codependency And Lesbian Fights.

The baby “thinks” mom wants to hurt him.

Joseph Burgo posted an interesting article about projection at his afterpsychotherapy blog. Go check it out. This is the key paragraph for me:

—–

I call the phenomenon I want to describe a “law” because it seems to be a fundamental principle of human mental functioning, an in-built assumption that if I am feeling bad, then someone or something is causing me to feel that way. In other words, we attribute a cause-and-effect relationship between the way we are feeling and the actions of people around us. Sometimes this attribution may be accurate — Your continual criticisms are causing me to feel terrible — but on other occasions, it may be false: The way you chew your food is driving me crazy! In the latter case, I am probably feeling irritable, tired and grouchy; rather than recognizing that I feel the way I do because I didn’t get enough sleep last night or because work today was highly stressly, I falsely account for those feelings by attributing them to you and your irksome way of chewing.

—–

I´ll bring it up a notch.

In emotionally underdeveloped people, which happen to be the most of us, when the feelings of pain arise, other people / situations are not just framed as the source, they are framed as causing those feelings on purpose.

Not just, how do you dare to be the source of my pain, but, how do you dare to do this to me intentionally.

And this is the craddle for a bunch of other sub frames, because if YOU are making ME feel this way on purpose, you’re an aggressor, Im the victim, this is unfair, I have done nothing to cause this, you’re evil, why are you hurting me so much? God – why do you permit this? you must disappear, I will have to kill  / squeeze / punish you, etc to make things even. So the frame fights back. Depending on the disorder it would go for a full frontal confrontation, or a passive aggressive one, a dramatic opera one, a slow burn revenge, a soft talk, etc on top of that mis-frame.

You would see this person, the person feeling hurt, react out of “nowhere”, switch, change, act out, fully convinced that something is going on, and that you know what’s going on. Playing an old game. One so primary you cant talk them out of.

Im sure it rings a bell?

So. I’ve thought long about this subject in the past and wrote a few times about it, as you can see in my posts fear and the snake, feminist debate style, and my story with HUS. I first saw the behavior in my mom and some female members of my family, accusing me and other kids of doing evil stuff on purpose – which led me to develop a counter game where I would stick around for hours trying to rectify the misunderstanding (you can bet in subsequent years I’ve found girls who would replay that game with me… fun times, let’s not repeat that anytime soon). So my counter game was a codependent one, and depending on many factors I could have gone borderline-personality, full fledged narcissist, doormat, or even mirror the game: how you dare mom, you’re making me feel horrible on purpose! you’re not the victim, I AM the victim! let’s see who bends first.

Which sounds like a lesbian fight, doesn’t it.

I’ve seen the behavior everywhere, mostly in women and gay guys, probably because men are not supposed to be this emotional, but, for sure, we’re able to feel it, all the unfairness and conflating accusatory shit (hint, MRA), and for a while, before I learned to check for this stuff in myself thanks to  therawness and gettinbetter, I thought this to be a natural part of the feminine psyche – heck, all girls are like that, deal with it! – but this isnt worth dealing with. This is not part of the feminine psyche but just plain, simple, down to earth stupidity. And luckily not everyone is like that, and the less we let it pass, the less we groom it, the better.

It is, however, an integral part of feminism - where everything bad that happens to women not just happens but is done to them, on purpose, and men are to pay. It’s also part of the marxism where poor people exist only thanks to the rich evil motherfuckers. Im sure it’s part of many other *isms. Ideologies are built by people. Most people are sick in some way and build their biases and patterns into their ideologies. Then other people identify themselves with the patterns and take on the ideology. And it’s a whole sicko party.

So. Back to the point.

There’s no roadmap for becoming healthy in occident but we must build one and this is key.

To be emotionally healthy you must, among other things, be able to separate your own feelings from the source, and to separate the source from the intentions / mechanics of the source. 

You need to identify the three parts. Feelings, source, and intentions, and to respond to each one with the right measure.

And this doesnt constrain to the negative side of emotions only. If you dont separate all three things, when good shit happens you conflate them and “think” you deserve / it was meant to be / put up on a pedestal / perfection / you idealize. And when bad shit happens you push down / victim & aggressor / fight back / you degrade.

When you’re emotionally stupid you go from pleasure to pain exchanging frames of idealization and degrading.

Rings a bell?

So own your own shit.

21 Aug 2012, Posted by yohami in game, personal, 3 Comments

My kitchen is a freaking bar

Throwing some crazy-drinks party at home… most of which happened at the kitchen. Im going to turn my meetings into a biz and run a real bar at some point.

26 Jul 2012, Posted by yohami in music, personal, 5 Comments

Higher

Rehearsing “Higher” with Juan at my apartment

25 Jul 2012, Posted by yohami in music, personal, 3 Comments

Singing – All I Have To Say (original song)

Killing some time at home

23 Jul 2012, Posted by yohami in personal, 6 Comments

Trying to sing Black Hole Sun

Did a games night party at home last saturday. If you happen to be in Buenos Aires area, drop me a line so you can come next time.

Look at the pictures here.

22 Jun 2012, Posted by yohami in game, personal, 22 Comments

Approach Anxiety = Inferiority Complex + Shame.

So most men have trouble talking to and taking initative with women. Why? because:

A) Men are trained to put women on a pedestal. So it doesnt matter if the guy went to war and returned and built an empire and then cured cancer: when he talks to a woman, he still feels he’s talking to his superior. He has to impress a judge.

B) Men are trained to be ashamed of their sexual desires. So talking / taking initiative with women is a troubling situation: expressing interest while hiding what you really want, being aroused while hiding your cock. Awkward.

So there you go. Approach anxiety = inferiority complex + shame.

To solve this, destroy the pedestal, go up in the social ladder, embrace yourself and your desires fully, and you’re golden. You’re welcome.

And yes, women like men who dont put them on a pedestal, men who’re confident / know what they want / are not ashamed of themselves.

And no, dont pay too much attention to the girl on the video since she’s talking from the pedestal (the issue is not about how you feel about the approach, honey, that’s not what triggers the anxiety). Though if you mentally replace her saying “approaching us” with “showing us your cock”, it makes for a fun watch.

* * *

It’s interesting that in comparison, women are trained that they should be put on a pedestal, and to take care of their “apparent” sexual desire, to look more slutty or more chaste… Or, I dont think I have heard a “woman, you should be ashamed of your sexual desires”.

Acting on those, or looking like she acted on those, yes. But the desires themselves? hum.

Why do you think that is?

02 Jun 2012, Posted by yohami in personal, 28 Comments

Sharing Some Joy – Resolutions 2012 Progress (with pics)

I made some bold resolutions a few months ago… Im almost done buying audio toys (lol), for real, and I just moved to a beautiful 24th floor where Im going to build the record / mix room in the next couple of months. Have a look!

Now I only have another 15 milestones to reach.

31 May 2012, Posted by yohami in conversations, inner game, personal, politics, thoughts, 21 Comments

One gender has contact with reality but no emotional lexicon. The other has emotional lexicon but no contact with reality.

The “getting in contact with your feewwingss” thing is making me think a lot. Leap brings this up from the comments, old shit right?, but it opens new angles:

“Most men, myself included, have been trained to either ignore emotions or only relate to the ones that matter to women. I didn’t personally go all the way with that, though I’m unsure if that was a choice due to art or me drawing a line and telling society to fuck off.

Woe to the man who gets in touch with his passionate anger.”

Men who control their emotions are better suited to survive. A proper man, a strong and confident man, has to excel under stress, has to appear to make easy what is hard for everyone else. And then this man should have enough spare emotional energy to enjoy life and reap on the profits, and reproduce, and pass down his legacy. Cue: the grumpy man doesnt cut it.

But the shortcut to mastering your emotions is having none.

Does it work? yeah. Short term it does. The wave of bullshit is coming? turn it off. You have an efervescence of bad feelings and anxiety surging inside and cant turn it off? shake it out. Put it out there. Hit stuff. Man up. You don’t want to lose it under pressure. Don’t want to deal with it. Turn it off. Vampire Diaries style.

But this doesnt allow you to understand your own feelings / emotions, and, at the end, your emotions are the ones in charge, not your rational brain nor your skills. Your emotions sustain your belief and your identity and are the glue for your relational networks. So if you’re not aware and dont have emotional intelligence, if you cant command and understand and feel, and your emotional skills are limited to turn stuff off, block control repress and redirect, youre an EASY pray for emotional manipulators.

Guess whos manipulating you? Media. Society. Religions. Family. Friends. People. Relationships. Everyone. And your own emotions, that you dont control, are also manipulating other people. It’s a dark game played behind curtains and the most evident sign is what happens when you question it all.

It’s not the rational mind what’s blocking you. It’s not a logical puzzle. Question your life right now. The country, the city, the friends, your god, your pillars, and say: it’s all bullshit. Cancel your story. Take your most sacred belief and question it. Can you? or something inside shakes away from it?

What you cant handle you dont own. It owns you. You’re it’s bitch. And how exactly did you get into this position, where you respond to something and are unable to question, but you go with it. When exactly did you agree to be something else’s bitch? when did you surrender? do you remember? what if you hadnt?

Or. Who benefits from this? Who created this shit?

But I might be getting in too deep. Here’s where Emma would chime in:

“That.. sounds very profound, although I didn’t quite grasp it.”

Thanks baby, I get that a lot.

And. Women. You would think that since women are not taught to repress their emotions they are better off. But, no, since women are protected and treated like children and get a free pass and have other people to take on the consequences for them and get free respect and the natural entitlement that follows… no. They have access to a wider range of emotions, but one that is also out of touch with reality and stuck in the childhood, a meaningless, out of control limbo / mess of preferences and unsorted waves of sensorial, biological urges and minute bullshit. Sorry. Emotions for their own sake are not enlightment.

Intelligence is the ability to solve problems. The communication with reality and the know-how define it.

You have one gender with contact with reality but no emotional lexicon. And the other gender with emotional lexicon but no contact with reality.

And then we’re all manipulated through fear.

Where are we again?

Who are we, again?

25 May 2012, Posted by yohami in conversations, personal, relationships, 15 Comments

I’m going to do my best to teach my SO about herself.

Ted D’s story continues, from the comments:

* * *

I am indeed working on being more attractive and getting my needs met first and foremost, I am also going to try something else that I hope will improve things greatly.

I’m going to do my best to teach my SO about herself.

I honestly don’t see how this can work if my mate remains completely clueless. Athol’s wife of course is fully on board with his efforts.

[...]

I can’t see this working long term if she remains completely clueless about all this.

* * *

Unless she’s asking you to teach her about herself, this won’t work.

1) If you care about her change more than she does, you become codependent, if you’re not already (chances are you are)

2) By finding the solution on the awareness of other people, by focusing on the external, you transfer your own blame and inadecuate feelings and painful emotions into other people. On the long run, you’ll make everything worse.

3) She may be a kid, but she’s not your kid. Even when we usually refer to women as children, what it really means is that you must strive to become an adult in your relationship.

A) Even if she was your kid and you wanted her to change, “explaining her herself” doesnt do anything. Kids don’t need explanations, they need rules and consistency and an intelligence stronger than their own they can trust. They will be able to process explanations, in case they ever want them, once they are curious about how things WORK. For that, they have to see that stuff WORKS first. They need to experience the rule before they can rationalize the explanation.

B) Women are more emotional than men. You have to handle her with emotional intelligence, not rational intelligence. If she’s in a middle of an emotional turmoil and you attempt the logic-explanation path, she’ll get angrier because you don’t understand her and you’re trying to manipulate her rational mind into changing her emotions, when you should be paying attention to her emotions. And what does paying attention to her emotions mean? not necessarily that you surrender to them. But you have to treat them as real, when they are, and spank her / reprehend her when she’s just being silly.

and

4) You’ve been in a relationship with her for a while. You know this woman. What is exactly what you’re going to explain her about herself that she doesnt know already? and, how well has she taken “explanations” about herself that are not pleasant, codename: criticism?. How does she handle being confronted with rational explanations she doesnt want to hear, or facets of herself that have negative connotations?

And last

5) With stuff like “Athol’s wife supports his efforts” and comparisons to other couples, you’re only saying that your SO doesnt support your efforts, that you’re envy of other couples, you’re bringing jealousy and pityness into your situation. By saying “I don’t know if we cant last, I can’t see this working long term unless she…” you’re setting an ultimatum. You whiny bitch.

You want her to change so you can change and want her to understand and grow sou you can grow, or else. How old are you? You’re supposed to kick her out of your life if she doesnt qualify. You’re not supposed to bring her in and build ties and then ask HER to change. If you’re already in a relationship and you found that you have to change, tell her that YOU are changing, and change. If she wants to stay with you, she’ll follow.

* * *

Dude. When your kids do something improper. Do you sit them them down and explain them the history of mankind and all the context and variables and why what they did upset you so much so they can take in consideration your feelings and their own and all humanity and society and the rules, so they can make their own choice?

Or do you tell them: “Don’t do THAT”, firmly, let them get the message, then let them go?

Guess which kid is going to be happier?

You’re supposed to be the adult. The MAN in the relationship. That means it’s your job to digest reality and expose yourself to all the danger and complexities of the world, deal with it, find solutions for it, digest it, and make it SIMPLE. Make it WORK.

This means you’re not supposed to explain other people in your circuit. You’re not supposed to be a non-playing supportive agent that keeps giving advice and explanations to the person in charge. You’re the one expected to be in charge. You’re supposed to lead. You’re supposed to be only listening to the feedback other people do on YOUR leadership. Not listening so you follow them, but listening so you know how to lead better. This is not a game where you explain and teach but where they ultimately decide what to do.

You’re supposed to tell them what to do, and if needed, how. “Why” only if they ask you directly, but the “why” is not so they agree with you. They should agree with you because you’re a proven decision maker, and because they trust you, and because it’s implicit. Because you’re the adult, and they chose you. And you’re good for them. You make it easier, you make it simple, you make it work.

* * *

So. You found your scapegoat and decided that you’re going to teach her herself.

First examine why, exactly, you need so badly that she realizes who she is and what she’s doing to you. And why you need to verbalize and she to accept your verbalization and to change, to please you, based on your understanding of how the world works instead of her own viewpoints. Why on the face of the uncomfortable, you need HER to change HER mind in order for YOU to have what YOU want.

Why do you need to do all that manipulative process, instead of, say, being the person and acting in the way the end result is for granted, quitting the approval seeking and approval dependance, and the clinginess and neediness – and becoming an adult and lead by example, sans-explanations.

You’re placing her as a stepping stone to your own change.

It won’t work.

* * *

Last note. Instead of teaching her herself, teach her YOU. She’ll learn about herself in the process. At her own pace.

13 May 2012, Posted by yohami in conversations, inner game, personal, 17 Comments

Bro, Im still digesting this stuff

I wrote this at Rivelino’s

Bro, Im still digesting this stuff, but here’s the succint that explains where all of your problems come from: watch the video.

There are four pieces in play. Two people, one needing, other giving, one owning the frame, other reacting to the frame, one needing the other for survival, and an ambivalence that goes between “hey Im cute look at me!” and “fuck Im furious look at me”, and then the range of hate / love / sadness / despair / joy / safeness that happens between the two.

That circuit gets printed before we learn to talk = before we are able to form abstract and concepts. It’s a basic four piece, emotional / behavioral circuit.

There are many ways that circuit can be imprinted “wrong”. One is to have the mom (or dads) on the receiving end, making the kid the giver. Other is having him owning the frame. Other is to have the mom (or dads) respond only when the kid acts out. Other is making the kid act out and then silence him / punish him for it. Etc. Shortly, the kid understands the game and starts to play it.

And then you build everything on top.

Your experiences from ages 12-21, of course helped forming you, because you’re 35 now and this is a sum accumulative game. But honestly, what happened to you from 12-21, are the same mechanics that were already happening, only adding more external world influence, sex drive, and additional pressures.

Im trying to locate the source of the pain, and is this: like a compass or a geometrical piece that wants to find equilibrium, the pain wants to find the “good” again (from the good the bad and the ugly), but it only knows to reach that “good” by balancing violently between the bad and the ugly and episodes of rage and if that doesnt work, splitting / self mutilation ( cutting out the undesired parts of you, your past, identity, emotions, people, relationships, blocking stuff out, etc)

It’s a constant look out for the elusive “good” part of the dynamic.

Then BPD and narcissim, codependency etc: when this stuff get’s bad imprinted, it’s like the foundation of the building isnt strong enough, so the building cant grow normal. Like a bonsai or something. The learned game doesnt “work” so it keeps trying, its an internal struggle that never resolves. Like the rat that pushes the lever once and again and gets rewards randomly ( the basis of compulsive behavior / addiction ). Plus the whole identity gets build on top of it.

BPD narcissim etc equals having the emotional growth of a three year old or so. You get stuck to the mechanics that quite dont work ( yet are the only you know ) and miss the mechanics that you would have developed in the subsequent years.

Say, if you knew how to get to the good part, and how to get to the bad and ugly part on your own, with control over your emotions, by the time sexuality peaked, age 12, you would have had natural “game”, and you would have been assertive about your needs and wants.

But you werent confident / self reassured about your needs and wants, because you were still negotiating how to even feel “good” and safe, so you didnt develop game nor saw girls / relationships for what they were – but you just added this to the previous unresolved mix, like, seeking the “good” (basic, maternal, paternal love where you’re defenseless and you’re intimally loved and taken care of and safe) from girls, mixing the defenseless and the sexual aggressive drive and the long time affection longing and the sense of dispair of never feeling safe, etc. and, adding the ugly and acting out and resenting the “big provider” for being such a manipulator, and whatever other mechanisms you needed to stabilize the original game, being a control freak, or being a doormat, or placing your needs last, or placing them first, exercising too much pressure (abusing), or letting yourself be abused, attaching too strongly, or refusing to attach at all, the places you had to go or the places you were forbidden to go, or whatever, whatever you had to learn and repeat so you could have access to the good part, or could live at all if the good part never came.

And then add years and years of rationalization that attempted to normalize this so you could do other stuff, have friends, work, study, have a life.

The idea seems to be that people are stuck on an emotional development age. It explains a hell of a lot for me.

Then of course, when you “click” with somebody, it’s your internal game, the primal game what clicks. You see the opportunity to play the game and win it this time. Whatever that game is, whatever the imprint is, “that” is what is going to repeat. You’re going to repeat what already happened, because you’re still playing that game, and you’re asking around who wants to play it with you.

12 May 2012, Posted by yohami in inner game, personal, 12 Comments

If you’re broken you can’t be happy.

If you’re broken you can’t be happy.

I

Fill a broken cup and it’s gonna be drained before you even get to taste it, even though you paid its full price. Pay for a refill and that one, again, is going to be emptied before it touches your lips.

As long as you’re broken, no matter what you do, what you achieve, how much work you put into; you’ll be paying the full price and successive refills, once and again, to get only a fraction.

II

The temptation is to keep working on avoiding the pain, filling the void, reaching a spot of stability on turbulent waters, reaching a new peak of glory, finding salvation, holding to something that makes you make sense… while running away from the darkness, running away from the pain, from the unwanted, from the hurt.

The temptation is to find comfort in pleasure while in you’re in pain, or, to heal the void by filling the void.

But attempting to heal the void while filling the void won’t let you do either.

III

Healing your void involves feeling the pain to it’s root. Filling your void involves avoiding the pain.

The pain drives you to overcompensate and create a shiny illusion of yourself that balances all that darkness. While you’re driven, you spend that energy on the false self to get goods that validate that false self. But the cup is broken. When the energy runs out, the false self dissolves and you fall back to the darkness, even hungrier.

So you can’t push in both directions. Can’t heal the darkness while avoiding it. Can’t heal the pain while getting aids for the pain.

IV

The pain will heal when you stop resisting and allow yourself to feel it.

When you do, that will expose the wound. Once the wound is finally exposed, it’s gonna be infected, due the long time neglect and all the stuff and mistakes that made it worse. But it will heal. Once the wound is part of your consciousness, it will heal, like any other wound in the body, because that’s what the body does. The body repairs itself, as long as the body can detect the wound and has enough energy & resources.

So when you do it, when you stop resisting and allow yourself to feel the pain and the wound gets exposed, all of that energy is liberated and the wound begins to heal, from the bottom up. Just like a broken bone or a cut in the flesh.

All the energy you were using to avoid feeling the pain is now used by your body to heal the wound.

And when that happens the pain concedes, it’s a transition. It’s a healing process. It takes time, but it’s done, for real.

V

Once the pain is felt and wound is healed, you’re not longer driven to avoid it, the pain is not pushing you all day long to do something to silence it. There’s not longer a void, which was created by you making walls to block and isolate parts of your self. There’s not longer a need for a false self to cover the dark self and no dark impulses and no shame and no guilt. There’s no dissociation. There’s no fracture. You’re one. And you, as one, are able to feel and experience everything at it’s full, non repressed intensity. You’re not longer numb, you’re not longer lost.

Which means, your compass gets back to working properly. Like it was before it got broken. Which means you can now trust your instincts, drives, desires and needs. Which means you can continue to grow and develop on top of it.

And all that energy, all that drive, all the energy that was repressed and lost in distractions, now you can use to do the stuff that really matters to you, and get the stuff that really matter to you.

The cup is not longer broken. Fill it, fill it baby.

And make yourself happy.

08 May 2012, Posted by yohami in personal, thoughts, 6 Comments

But arent all girls like that?

If you havent stopped by the rawness lately or you dont know gettingbetter.com, make a room in your schedule and prepare to absorb these articles. This is going to do you much better than anything I can post here at the moment.

For once, while Im gaining understanding of my own emotional body and seeing more clearly what I’ve been doing and where I should go, I am ALSO gaining insight on differences between gender behavior and just plain craziness.

Check this out and you’ll see what I mean, from gettingbetter:

————————————-

‘TILL DEATH DO US PART
BPD and The Marriage Crucible

EDIT: Shari asked me to take down her post, so go read it here instead. Well worth your time.

11 Mar 2012, Posted by yohami in inner game, personal, thoughts, 23 Comments

What are your chances of hitting a homerun?

Let’s say you have never played baseball, but you are in a situation where you will get a million dollars if you score a homerun, or get killed if you dont. And you only have one try.

You go in the field, grab the bat, breath, assume the position, the machine throws that unique ball at you, and you swing.

What are your chances of hitting a homerun?

I

See, sometimes it happens.

Sometimes someone hits that lucky homerun. And against all common sense they keep hitting one homerun after another, without really knowing how they are doing it. We call these the prodigies, the miracles, the naturals. The media and eventually the history fills us with these stories. Mozart, the Beatles, Einstein. It’s a compelling story: some people just have it.

And sometimes when pushed against the unfathomable, in do-or-die situations, when all the bridges have been burned, an unlikely prodigy awakens. David defeats Goliath, four musketeers defeat an army, a gladiator becomes king, a kiddo with two karate moves grabs the title and the girl.

Lucky strikes happen. Miracles happen. Material for movies.

Highly inspirational stuff that makes you “believe”.

Which is bullshit.

II

The win / lose, success or die, go big or go home, prodigy / miracle / luck frame is not how you get shit done.

See. While some of these stories are true, most are just fabrications. Media has a business, and its business is selling you the story. The highly inspirational figures and stories are marketing campaigns, whose aim is to raise the perceived value of a specific system, which has money and resources invested into making you believe.

So believe, you do.

And when your belief starts to fade, a new inspirational story and figure emerges out of nowhere. Oh, such a lucky strike. Or such a prodigy.

The moment you believe the story, the moment you buy into the binary thinking of success / failure, you become part of the mass of people who can only experience life by consuming.

Because the other side of the story is that you cant. You cant go in the field and make a homerun. You cant win. You’re not as talented, as lucky, or a prodigy enough. So you cant bare the thought of going all or nothing and burning every bridge ever created. The stakes are too high. You dont even try.

You consume the stories because you cant create your own.

But Im going to tell you how you can. How to get shit done.

III

Let´s say you have never played baseball, but you are going to spend a few months on the field. The machine is going to throw one ball after another. You pay by the hour, but it’s cheap and you have it covered. When you miss the ball, no one cares. When you hit the ball, you get some cheering. When you are clueless, you get some advice from a more experience hitter. Your main reward though is the learning, watching your body adjust to the game, and the sound that emerges from the ball every time you hit it hard and properly, and watching it fade in the horizon.

What are your chances of hitting a homerun?

Now let’s say when the process is over, you comprise your top game, your best moves, and make a portfolio, which is what the rest of the world are going to see. That is your net worth.

IV

In case you missed it, that second scenario is the nurturing approach. Our parents job is to enable a sandbox where we can fail and attempt without real consequences. Somewhere we can play. A game where we can find our strengths and our own moves, and polish ourselves before going into the external world.

Then the formal education is another sandbox.

Both systems are broken. The rewards are misdirected and the focus is in the wrong places. I could critique this stuff for years but let’s skip it for now. The point is that when you leave that process, if you have been properly indoctrinated, your core belief is that:

You cant.

So you have to settle. You have to aim to survive. To buy stuff to fill some weird void that was also induced in you by the system. Get social status and external worth to compensate for your lack of thereof. So you have to believe the stories and live their glory by projection. And whenever your sandbox, that you never formerly abandoned, get´s attacked or, when shit gets real, or, when a big opportunity emerges and finds you unprepared, or, when your own dissatisfaction finally pushes you to the edge and you wonder what would happen if you went for it, what was “really” waiting out there for you…

… you get derived to the first scenario. The one-hit, homerun-or-die, 0.0001% chances one. And it’s too late. And the stakes are too high.

V

But scoring homeruns isnt the problem. The frame is.

Making it big isnt the problem. The frame is.

It doesnt matter if you’re a kid or a senior or how much you have invested in your current frame. This is how you get shit done:

First, quit all distractions. Quit surviving. Quit do-or-die.

Then, embrace do-and-live.

Procure yourself with a sandbox.

Get a mother to nurture you and a father to guide you, or be your own mother and father. Create a sandbox where you can afford to make mistakes. A sandbox where you can play. To your strengths. Where the price for failed attempts is marginal, and the returns for achievements are marginal as well, and where you can ask for advice when you dont know what you’re doing. Where what really matters is your own experience, watching your mind and body adjust to the game, and the sound that emerges from the ball when you hit it hard and properly.

And every time you make a homerun, honor that, hone that. And iterate. And while you are at it, aim for greatness. Aim for excellence. Make it the best, make it count.

If you´re a company, keep it small and contained and cheap and make products. If you´re a writer, retreat to an inexpensive beach and write. If you´re a casanova, go work in a bar. If you´re a business person, make inexpensive deals and grow steadily. Or get jobs were you get paid to learn. And do you best on every step and play like there are no consequences, because there arent.

Then compile your best moves and share them with the world.

And iterate.

When you operate like this homeruns are not the goal. They are an inevitable part of the process.

VI

And last. Most of the stories out there are the nurturing kind. Someone had a kid and decided to make them a star. Some company needed a product and grabbed someone and created a sandbox around them. Some movement needed a leader and some circle needed a villain. And they contain their mistakes and maximize their achievements or viceversa, to make you believe. If you dont know already, that’s how business are made.

Making it big means achieving homeruns. And your top 10 game is all people care about. When you make it big, due to their belief, most people are going to assume that it was easy for you, that you got lucky, that you’re a natural, that you were just borned with it.

And in a way, they will be right.

04 Mar 2012, Posted by yohami in personal, 8 Comments

My weird, random, first Alpha passage

I found a new blog with some good stories. “When I was Alpha” reminds me of my own.

When I was 18 years old I had a four months Alpha passage. It was all there, the confidence, the social proof, the self reasurement, the success, the girls chasing me… the way people looked at me, the way I interacted, commanded, the way I was the center of good and bad attention but got my way, etc. I got there in a random way and wasnt able to sustain it, nor wanted to, because I didnt see it as a “thing”.

Let’s go back a bit.

I graduated highschool with poor grades and no colleges wanted me. I was 17. I was quite smart but socially inept. I was living in a petty, small and superficial beach town that didnt even have pretty girls. I was an angst-driven obsessive omega fuck back then. I had no friends but my books, I was a perfectionist with no tangibles on my favor. My family was dysfunctional and I had no clue of being a man. I was a person. Sort of. I didnt fit anywhere. When I woke up in the morning my first thoughts revolved around killing myself.

So I had no college admissions and no future and had to do something with my life, or to end it, but I had to escape small town. I traveled to the big city to do admission exams for colleges there. I stayed at my grandmother’s apartment. I had a few months to prepare and had to study a lot. I bought some math books, and while I was at it some other stuff caught my eye. “Your erroneous zones”, “Yes, I can say no”, “Emotional Intelligence”, “Lateral Thinking”, “Quantum physics” and some metaphysical stuff as well. I bought all of it.

I wasnt sure if I was going to live, I had this countdown. I had like six months to decide. I spent my days hardcore studying math, popcorn psychology, meditating and screaming in the bathroom. I was angry.

By the time the exams came I knew all I needed about math, and had found I actually liked that stuff. This is a story for another time, but I was unable to grasp math during hishchool – and picked it on my own and then excelled at it. I learned I could only learn my-way, and that meant intense, focused, all-in, and fast, in big chunks of data, and it meant questioning everything, and never turning a page until “I knew” what I had just seen, like I had invented it or reasoned it myself. I learned so much in that small frame of time. I presented the exams and made it to the top 10 on both colleges and both granted me admissions. Something was changing.

Then limbo came. I was on the date where I should decide if I lived or died but I had this college thing going on for me. I was still angry, but I felt like I had superpowers (thanks, popcorn psychology) and wanted to blow things up. I wanted to rub my dissonance on everyone’s faces. I had no immediate business on big city and my grandmother wanted me out. I had six more months before college started and nothing to do with my time.

So I went back to small beach town and enrolled in a private college, on a random computer sciences degree that was just starting, just to burn these months while learning something.

But I didnt give a fuck. I was only going to stay there for six months. I didnt respect the college, the town, the people, the low standards, the mediocrity, I had all my inferiority/superiority complexes and anger, now channeled into asertiveness, and a sense of safety since I had my ticket for a bigger college, in a bigger town, for a better future, just around the corner. I was only there, at that small town and college to learn something for myself, and that meant learning it my way, and the professors and stuff, “they better be good and worth my money and measure up to my standards”… and the girls werent even that pretty.

Maybe you’ll recognize that frame.

I didnt belong there, I was destined for something better, I didnt fit, but I had no intentions to fit. I wasnt boastful, but I wasnt scared, I wasnt shy, I wasnt submissive. I was relaxed and confident, inquisitive and brutally honest. I would sit on the first row close to the professor so I could grasp all the knowledge. I created a space around me, I took risks. Often I would interrupt the class to disagree and debate theories. I made fun of people. I would laugh open and free. I was detached. I didnt care. I was me.

I would be in the middle of a group and if I got bored, I would climb the chair and say something funny. Or I would just climb something high. I would grab the cigarettes from some smoker girl and destroy them (smoking is bad for you puppy), then grab her lighter and chase her around. I was fun. I was unpredictable. I was dangerous.

I became a focus of attention. People started to gather around me and invited me to places. I was the hot guy. Grades started to come and I had only As. Professors respected me. Guys wanted my advice and girls my company. I started teaching math on small groups. I led. I commanded. I owned. I was the authority.

I became accepted.

I went from from the last row in the social chain to the first row with no in betweens and no specific “want” on my part.

I remember one day I was sitting with some girl who had the hots for me and I was trying to “enlighten” her… then she came with this herd story about me being the oh so special man and how I was the shit and everyone looked up to me. And it hit me.

I started caring and that was the beginning of the end. I started having something to lose. I started to fear. I started valuing that reality, that ego. When I invested back on my ego, it was still broken. I was still needy. I was still lonely. It all crumbled.

During the next weeks what happened was surreal. People liked me less. I was insecure. Stuff faded away like it had never been there. And the more it crumbled, the more I cared. The more I was doubted, the more I doubted myself, the more I got lost.

I failed the shit test.

I quit the college and spent the remaining month in a mild crisis. When the big city college time arrived I was back on freak mode.

I got the wrong message there. My conclusion was that since “attachment” was making me a loser, and “caring” brought me down… I had to not care and have no attachments at all. Which I took to the extreme and just became a nihilist zen “saint”, but a full of pain one. Which is a story for another time.

So that brief limbo of not caring while being the king of the world was my first Alpha passage. I wasnt able to repeat it, or even to recognize it, for another 10 years.

Which is also a story for another time.

20 Feb 2012, Posted by yohami in personal, politics, thoughts, 14 Comments

You are “the one”

When you seek approval you put other people on a pedestal.

That pedestal is made of your own morals and ego.

The person you put on a pedestal is supposed to incarnate the ideal – your own. You project the ideal on a person so you can get the ideal´s approval, so you can approve (or disapprove) your own person. You feed on their love and punishment, you try harder, you try to do what´s good, or bad, or you rebel, all by yourself, against this imaginary thing.

You feed a fake system of values so you can be loved by a higher order.

Role play – identity masturbation.

But as it happens… this person has a moral / standards on their own. Actually, unlike your ideals, that person exists. And with that, there´s conflict.

Either they cant play the part properly -> you cant pedestalize them fully -> you cant get enough approval. OR.

They play the part properly -> you pedestalize them fully -> you get approval at the expense of living by THEIR moral standards, on the pretense these are your own.

…

Seeking approval / putting other people on your pedestal is as egoistical and sick as it gets. You might not be abusing other people, but you´re abusing yourself while pretending it´s them doing it. In short, dont.

You are the one. Yeah. Yourself.

Instead of finding external dummies to project your own values and then act as a follower for that fake herd, be your own pastor. And open your windows so you can relate to other people on their own terms – on their own realities – and in your own terms.

25 Jan 2012, Posted by yohami in personal, 39 Comments

OK. I Am A Narcissist.

OK. I Am A Narcissist.

http://psychcentral.com/cgi-bin/narcissisticquiz.cgi

Authority: 7.00
Self-Sufficiency: 2.00
Superiority: 4.00
Exhibitionism: 4.00
Exploitativeness: 1.00
Vanity: 1.00
Entitlement: 2.00

Your Total:21
Between 12 and 15 is average.
Celebrities often score closer to 18.
Narcissists score over 20.
Because you scored 18 or higher, you may want to check out the symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder.

Sure, lets check these symptoms

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx36.htm

Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

I do have a grandiose sense of self-importance.

But its more of a responsibility thing. You know that spiderman saying. With great superpowers also comes great sex. Being in charge = being responsible = being important = having it big. Thats as clear as day.

What I dont do is take credit where its not due. So the “exaggerates achievements and talents” is bullcrap. As long as I have some air and some territory to piss on, Im fine.

Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

Im not preoccupied. I´ll make it happen.

Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

Im a freak if that´s what you mean. And I relate better to other freaks. Now if you want to call me special, thank you.

So its more about awareness and owning yourself and your decisions and looking / living outside of the norm – that makes me a freak, while the mainstream culture and wisdom resembles zombieland.

The value through association is another no-go. Mostly because all these so called special institutions / high status people are obviously beneath of me. If we get associated I AM THE ONE giving value. Alpha 101.

Requires excessive admiration

I dont require it, it just happens.

Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

Nah. You get what you pay for, or get what you deserve. I dont have a dick of gold. Its not made of gold, I swear. You can take your hand out of my pants now.

Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

Nah. Exploitment done by anyone on anyone, it pisses me off. Im more likely to be fighting these fuckers.

Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

If all the sacred empathy of the the universe circled around a powerful magical spot and suddenly materialized as a big holy huge thick and happy marvelous cock, that would be me. I love you.

Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

I forgot how it feels to “envy”. Not in my lexicon. I dont register it either.

Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

Errrr. You got me.

So whatever. Am I a Narcissist? if so Im all over the place. How come I dont have the nasty traits, yet I score 21? who do I think I am? how will our hero resolve this dilemma?

Anyway, take that test and share the results. Im curious.

01 Jan 2012, Posted by yohami in music, personal, 6 Comments

2012 Shameless Resolutions

2012 Shameless Resolutions.

Im reaching the end of a 2 year marmot period in which I´ve been pretty much locked down in my cave, glued to the computer, making money and spending it all on pro audio gear and instruments (which happen to be damn expensive). Only a few items left and Im thinking, what´s next?

This is what I want to get done this year.

1. Finish collecting nuts and buying pro audio gear.
2. Move to a bigger cave and build a pro studio room.
3. Record / mix my music.
4. Release at least one single.
5. Release at least one music video.
6. Release at least one original music-related videogame.
7. Reboot / relaunch YOHAMI TV with a “behind the music – Im soo damn deep AND funny” approach.
10. Code and launch this website.
11. Release a poetry book that makes everyone´s pants go down.
12. Go viral but remain virus-free.
14. Become worldwide famous / increase my influence.
15. Go back at performing / live gigs.
16. Re-acquire and hon my spiritual connection / bond with the world.
17. Build a real-life social circle of interesting people / collaborators / team.
18. Get sixpack abs!

That covers it. What´s in your list?

25 Dec 2011, Posted by yohami in personal, relationships, thoughts, 11 Comments

A girl goes into casual sex looking for a relationship?

A girl goes into casual sex looking for a relationship?

Short answer: bullshit.

Long answer, its true, but using “relationship” as a wide term that can be many things, half of which can be very toxic and wrong.

What you have to know is that if a girl is engaging in sex with you, she wants “more”. This “more” can be a happy ending monogamy where rainbows happen. Or it can be something totally different, dark twisted and abusive.

When you guys and girls come up with this crap that women go wanting relationships etc its like all the rainbows are included and heaven is just waiting to happen and that women are just powerless victims who should get what they want, because all they want is right.

Well, they are not victims, and there´s not a single reason why they should just get what they want, at every changing minute, when all they want is “more”. Hungry more. Usually bad-for-you more: want you to give more, you to work more, you to fulfill more – squeeze you more, until she wants more from someone else.

And a lot of the time what they want is not even good for themselves, and “more” doesnt mean there is anything at all for YOU to begin with.

Otherwise you could go and marry just any girl since they all want “relationships”. Right?

Well “relationship” aint a fucking holy grial.

There are hundreds of millions of people out there and you cant just do “relationship”, “company partner” nor “share property” with all of them. Bad for your health. You have to decide at which level / under which set of rules you are to interact with each one.

And theres NOTHING wrong with casual sex for either sex when done with honesty – just like theres NOTHING wrong with having superficial and mundane friends.

And while its ok to want more, no one is entitled to more.