Yeah dude, fuck my girlfriend, I dont mind.

I am an Omega and Im five years old. We are playing the lion and other animals in kindergarden. She says she wants to marry mr zebra. And that I am never going to be her boyfriend.

Six. Blonde cute princess. I make a paper collar, a ring and some drawings for her. Wrap them into a letter, asking if she wants to be my girlfriend. Later I see her wearing the collar, but never get a response.

Seven. I am with this brunette tomboy girl and we are best friends. I also want to jump on top of her, but not sure what for exactly. The kids chant and tease that Im her boyfriend. I deny it.

Eight. I fall in love with a cartoon character. “The girl of the flowers”. She had magical powers. She has a boyfriend, he saves her from time to time.

Nine. I keep Nati’s heart shaped picture in my pocket for a year. When I return to town and see her again she wants to kiss and stuff. I want to play with car toys instead.

Ten. Best friend’s with Dariela and also a crush on her. She goes out in the afternoon to make out with a tiny neighbor boy she doesnt like, but she wants to try the kissing stuff.

Ten. Dariela’s twin younger sisters flirt with me and say that I should want to rape them. I take offense.

Ten. I realize that all I want from a woman is between the neck and the legs. Decide that the greek sculptures are fine as they are.

Eleven. I send letters to every one in my old neighborhood. Pretty girl Daniela confuses it for a gest of interest and wants to have me.

Twelve. Learn to masturbate looking at Kiara’s posters, while locked in a closet. Im on fifth grade. Some girls and boys are already fucking, most of the boys are fucking the same girl, in group, when they gather to “study”.

Fifteen. I fall in love with “Estela” from a “High Expectations” animated series. I realize that I can put all my feelings in a “box” and stop feeling them. But that this sometimes explodes later. I realize I can replace one girl with the next and keep the emotions the same.

Fifteen. Thin spanish Lorena starts flirty letters, says she’s in love, I respond and we become boyfriend and girlfriend on paper. We never kiss. I suspect the letters are really from her sister.

Fifteen. Curly red haired Gloria sends me a letter, saying that I could be a good boyfriend for her. Later she asks if I have a condom.

Fifteen. Ada comes in a dream and she becomes my twilight zone girlfriend. I write letters to the real world Ada and go visit. The real Ada is kind of flattered but confused as to where my infatuation comes from. Also she’s back from a trip to some mountain and has the libs inflated because she was kissing someone.

Sixteen. I write a poetry book for Elisa. She says thanks but rejects it. She becomes boyfriends with a good looking gringo guy she cannot talk with because he doesnt speak spanish. Then a different girl falls in love with me for the book I wrote for Elisa. Then Elisa dumps the gringo and wants me too, sort of, but she is really after one of my friends.

Nineteen. My first kiss. She’s the bassist of my first band. Im in love with her so are my three best friends. Though, she’s just trying to piss off her aunt when she kisses me. She shuffles between all of us and then chases a badder boy who doesnt want her and is into another girl who has a boyfriend. Then she starts fucking the owner of a record store / bar who has a girlfriend. Then she tries cocaine.

Twenty. Lose my virginity to Sandra. She’s 16. We start a short monogamy. On a two weeks travel that I do back to little town, she fucks another guy and his girlfriend, and starts a beta orbiter relationship with one of my musician friends. I dump her. She goes on to have many boyfriends but keeps saying that she wants me to want her. Gets married, cheats on the hubby.

Twenty. Dani, 17, we write poetry and make out. She also has this tall male orbiter with whom she goes to motel rooms “to smoke weed”. We do on and off. She gets pregnant of another dude and marries. Then divorces and takes the kid to another country.

Twenty. Liliana, 19. She likes me when Im dominant instead of shy. She has a rich boyfriend she fucks every day, then she calls me / finds ways for us to be alone.

Twenty. I pick up a fat gothic girl at a party, spend the night masturbating each other. She gets angry that I dont want to go further and calls me shitty names in a public plaza where Im doing some meditation. Becomes girlfriend of one of my friends, then dumps him. Gets married to another dude, then divorces.

Twenty one. Fabiola. She’s 14. I totally surrender to my love for her. We kiss twice. We make promises of eternal love and soul matching. She lives in another city, and when Im back home she falls for another kid who takes his tshirt off and make out at a bonfire while playing the bottle. They hit it off and become boyfriends. Then she dumps him and grabs another one, then dumps him and grabs another one etc. Makes clear I should still be available if / when she needs me. Im special for her, just not that kind of special.

Twenty one, two, three. Celibacy. I discover Castaneda and Alchemy. I try to become a saint, plus Im still in love. I do drugs, I create and burn companies, try to make rich, dream about having a girlfriend, owning my own computer, and a place where I can sleep.

Twenty four. Im moving towards the Beta/White Knight frame and leaving Omega back. Cristina. She’s 17 and a virgin. She’s a rich girl and Im almost homeless. I become her boyfriend and we date for 8 months with no sex. Then she goes out on a weekend camping trip and loses her virginity to some boyscout. Says she needs time but that we should keep in touch and be friends. Never see each other again.

Twenty four. Short attempts to go Bad Boy. Maria, guitar player of some punk band. Become her boyfriend fuck and dump in less than two weeks.

Twenty four. Marina has been in love with me for years. She has a boyfriend, though they are in a hiatus. She’s on my bed after kissing heavily, says she cannot have sex with me because she’s in a relationship, but says we could have sex if I rape her. I pass on the offer. Next day she thanks me for my White Knight morals, then gets off my radar.

Twenty four. Drunk drugged girl is some dude’s girlfriend. She follows me home screaming my name and saying she’s going to have herself killed on the street unless I let her in and fuck her. So I do it. Her boyfriend later finds out and apologizes for her behavior.

Twenty five. Girl student rapes me in a bathroom, where Im puking after having had too many tequilas, while her boyfriend is waiting at the table.

Twenty five. Clara. She’s on my couch, with the legs open and bright eyes, waiting for me to make a move, but I dont make any. She wants a boyfriend and I dont want to mislead her. I hook her up, sort of, with a friend. They marry and then divorce, the dude goes on a punk rock band and tours latin america, while she settles in miami and sends me invitations with sexual remarks.

Twenty five. Carolina, she’s a student. I crush on her and we fuck. She has a long distance boyfriend, which whom she breaks to be with me fulltime. A year later she’s living in USA and repeating the script, having me as a long distance boyfriend while fucking another dude. Then marries that other dude.

Twenty eight. I have matured into a full Beta by now. Cynthia. I fly to Argentina to be with her. She makes me work hard, even moreso after becoming her boyfriend. She finds new dudes to orbit her, a writer, a policeman, a video director. I try to make the relationship and the craziness work to the point of creating a company where both of us can work in and she can create stuff. But we fight a lot and I dump her, then end the business relationship, where I was also playing “Beta of The Month” for my employees. She chases me for a while but then steals my money, becomes a lesbian, and disappears in Europe.

Twenty nine. Barbie. Become her boyfriend for three months. We go from sexual napalm to conversational napalm since she spends all day talking / stressing about unimportant stuff. Dump her over email. She spends seven years widowing our relationship.

Twenty nine. Discover David De Angelo on OKCupid and add “Cocky n Funny” to my Beta thing. Ale. Nice girl. Weekend’s boyfriends for about a year. She doesnt know who Freud/Einstein/Edison/Marx are nor wants to find out. I get bored.

Thirty. Angie. She had been the girlfriend of a friend of mine many years before. We reconnect and connect emotionally, online. One day she is saying she wants my babies, the next day she is flying to Dubai with an ex boyfriend and breaking contact.

Thirty one. Girl is brilliant, beautiful and creative and owns a pet dragon, but also cuts herself and has a sadist angle. I try to save her, want to marry her, she makes me chase her for a while and then reveals she doesnt want me in that way. I cut contact. She keeps saying hi and sending emoticons.

Thirty one. I discover Game and start moving into Alpha/Bad Boy frame. Enter a series of short to instant relationships. Fuck many girls. Half of them with boyfriends. Some of them wear my clothes the morning after and go to skype with the boyfriend, or text “I love you” or talk to them on the phone while I am fucking them.

Thirty three. Flor. Belgian girl playing chess. We meet at a party, take her home and fuck. Two days later I follow her to a camping in Rosario and we fuck all night in the river. She leaves to Chile, spends a few months there, gets a boyfriend, does drugs, comes back to Argentina for a few days, ignores me, then goes back to Belgium saying that she loves me.

Thirty four. Kissing some paraguay girl at a club. Hands down her clitoris. Make out. Drinks dance and stuff. Then “I have a boyfriend”. Then having sex or not. This x10.

Thirty four. Im full on Alpha frame. Nonstrings harem thing. Many girls, soft relationships, fucking several girls at once or in rotation. Some of them have fulltime boyfriends. Some of them want me to be theirs. I feel hollow and crave for real human connections.

Thirty five. Girls nights. Hearing girls talk about their boyfriends and relationships, evenly unhappy, all of them burning in (mostly) repressed desire to fuck other dudes, some of them doing it, some of them planning how to dump the current boyfriend, even though they are moving in with them or purchasing shared cars / properties. How to dump him but keep the car? sort of thing.

Thirty five. She’s a pet trainer and full of joy. She has a remote boyfriend whom she cuts off to be with me, and I cut off my harem to be with her, but she goes back to exboyfriend for two months and fucks him again. I forgive her and take her back, then she goes to diner and stuff with her other exes nonstop. I dump her because Im sure she’s cheating, plus she’s been ramping up on emotional games. She finds a new boyfriend quickly enough and moves in with him. A year later the new boyfriend commits suicide.

Thirty five. I discover “The rawness”. BPD, Narcissim, Codependency etc. I get more insight on what’s going on with the boyfriend / girlfriend thing. My own reflection isnt pretty.

Thirty six. Eve. Meet her at a bar, she talks nonstop about her brazilian ex boyfriend who cheated on her 50 times and broke her heart. We have sex and I take care of her tears for a few days. Then she turns her teary drama on me.

Thirty six. Helen, fat older tourist-guide girl, comes to a party, hides the whiskey, we fuck, have sushi, then I get bored of hearing her talk about her failed relationships and political slogans. We stop talking, she blocks me on facebook.

Thirty six. Caramel, colombian / NYC cute girl. Follows me around till we have a proper bar date and fuck. Keeps giving hints she wants me to go for the boyfriend thing, even though she creates drama ploys in which she wants me to chase her around the city with her having a new guy clinging to her during the whole time, but dumping him to be with me by the end of the night.

Thirty six. Sam. She has a boyfriend she’s planning to break up with. Also needs two hours of foreplay before fucking, and bites hard.

Thirty six. Harem with soft strings. Multiple girl-friends with benefits who know about each other. Shortly all of them want the boyfriend/gilrfriend thing, even though some of them actually have boyfriends or are trying to get back with an ex, or are not really over an ex, or are more interested on chasing some new dude or licking each other’s parts when Im not around.

Thirty six. She’s 23. She has a boyfriend she’s cheating on with me, she’s also fucking other dudes, including my best friend, and Im with a lot of other girls too… but she wants me to be her boyfriend. I like her and I comply, then she goes on a travel for 2 months and parties hard. Next day when she comes back I find her on a bed kissing another girl and grabbing some ex lover by the groin. I dump her, but she “doesnt know what she did wrong”.

Thirty seven. Single and with no intention to go back to the pool for the time being. Need my time and focus to make the music. No time to waste on diversions.

* * *

So tell me. What is all the boyfriend and relationships fuzz about? What kind of solace do people get from the boyfriend thing, why do girls lust for having a boyfriend? they lust for the stability and emotional comfort of a man who will commit to them, even if it’s for a short while, but as soon as they get this comfort it gets overriden by something else. The boyfriend role – one that changes at any time at any moment according to the times and flavors…. what’s in it? what does it really mean.

Seems like there are two kinds of available women, the single ones and the “in a relationship” ones, with the single ones more craving for stability, and the “in a relationship” ones more craving and more wild for random cock. I have had better luck with girls with boyfriends than when I’ve been in the boyfriend role myself. Less work and more fun. And any trace of stability or nurturing companionship is taken away as soon as the girl is presented with a better option, even if that option is merely contextual and void of anything deeper, and not boyfriend material – or probably just because of that -. When Im single and hitting on girls Im usually that better option. When Im in a relationship and taken off the pool, I have to fight and combat and keep and police all the stranger cock she seems so eager of.

Not worth the time. Not for me.

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