04 Feb 2013, Posted by yohami in conversations,game, 9 Comments.
The stereotype she talks about is actually an apex fallacy: high status men, or in the eyes of women, “real men” apologize less, or dont apologize at all, in contrast to the majority of men who apologize all the time, specially to women.
The rest of the video is bogus because it’s based on “self reported”, or in other words, biased data.
Anyway, Carlotta had this question at Vox’s post about dominance and submission.
“Could this be applied to male/female relationships?
For instance, someone married to a Sigma, Alpha or high Beta gets in a fight with them. He will not apologize, for nothing. Or, she is wrong and he simply will not give in until she apologizes, publically, repeatedly.
I am just wondering if for those who are just understanding all this, maybe this has applications in marriage as well.
I can tell you, I have seen gammas’ fight with their wives and everyone is disgusted. You kind of get the feeling that even the wife wishes he would stand the heck up to her.”
Alpha can apologize if he’s wrong. But wont apologize as a way to avoid conflict or release the tension.
Beta’s strategy is to apologize always even if he doesn’t know what’s going on. He can’t handle pressure or tension, so he gives in first. Actually “giving in” is what he brings to the table.
Alpha accepts apologies when it’s due, and accepts submission always. The offending party doesn’t need to know what they did wrong as long as they concede the lead and get out of the way.
In more detail:
“Could this be applied to male/female relationships? For instance, someone married to a Sigma, Alpha or high Beta gets in a fight with them. He will not apologize, for nothing.”
What usually happens is that the woman is trying to dominate the husband, and wants him to apologize as a way to get him to concede power. It’s not that the Alpha wont apologize for nothing, it’s that he won’t apologize as long as he thinks he did nothing wrong, and / or as long apologizing means submission.
And then you have narcissists, of both genders and all over the spectrum, who truly think they did nothing wrong and will only apologize when they are already on their knees and it’s too late, and not because they think they did anything wrong but because they see that apologizing is the only way to keep their narcissist supply, eg, salvage the relationship so they can keep on the abuse… but that’s a separate subject.
“Or, she is wrong and he simply will not give in until she apologizes, publically, repeatedly.”
This sounds more like humiliation. See. A real alpha… not just a dude who’s seating on the throne but doesn’t incarnate the archetype… a “real” alpha is above you but is leading the way and provisioning so you can follow his same steps – leading by example. Will kick your ass and call you out when you do wrong. And demand submissiveness when you attempt to put him down. But it’s not about humiliation. It’s not about hurting you. It’s the same mold as when you have kids and they misbehave. You don’t correct them and set strict rules and call them out because you want to destroy them, but because it’s your responsibility to do so.
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