31 May 2012, Posted by yohami in conversations,inner game, 16 Comments.
Mark Mason talks about inferiority feelings. I cosign.
Still, the problem is not about feeling inferior. Not on it’s own.
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Feeling inferior / superior goes by hand with winning / losing. If you think you did a fantastic job but when the results come you’re last on the chain, you’re to feel inferior. That, if you have any sanity. Or if you came on top, or if you won the match, you’re going to feel confident and dominant.
If you have any sanity your feelings correlate with reality.
The thing is not what you feel but where does that push you. Like Mark said. What then? what do you do with it?
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So how about when the feeling is painful.
Say, your hand is burning on the fire. Now what? do you suppress the pain? take painkillers? block it? ignore it? turn out the music really loud? get distracted? buy ice, to compensate for the third grade burns that are appearing on your skin? apply make up? do you come up with a justification that makes it OK for you to get burned? as a payout for stuff you have committed? or not? price to pay? or you blame it on someone else, or do you personalize the situation, like, the fire is EVIL and wants to HURT you? or maybe end up hating your own skin because it hurts? or you deny the whole thing? or do you chop your arm out? do you create an imaginary bitch to put your pain on? a deity? an amicable doormat? do you split yourself? whine so you get rescued? hate, because your designated rescuer doesnt care enough? what does that pain make you do? what do you do?
And then how about if the feeling is pleasurable? do you hold it? rationalize it? say you deserve it? integrate it firmly with your ego? protect it behind walls? make yourself a costume with it? do you pile it up, to make a nice cushion that distracts you from your other hand, that is burning on the fire? use it as compensation? condition yourself to it as a reward of other stuff you force yourself to go trough? keep building on top of it?
See? the more you do and retain and build structures, the more the whole thing is prone to collapse. The more you hold to your feelings, the more you lose control over reality. The might produce stupid shit like, you winning and feeling miserable, or you losing and feeling good about it, or you sabotaging or getting stuck, or old emotional states that always come back like ghosts, or, never being really, truly “here”, because you lost the emotional awareness that otherwise would tell you how your really feel, so you can’t handle the relationship between yourself and the reality.
Let’s say that again.
Doing stupid ego stuff with your feelings prevents you from developing an intelligence that tells you how you really feel.
If you dont know how you really feel, you can’t solve this.
Sorry. Affirmations can’t replace intelligence.
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So. Hand is burning? How about, retiring your hand from the flame. Then learning how to handle the stuff so you dont get burned. That, without hating the fire nor all of your mental gymnastics to camouflage and justify what didn’t need a justification.
Or some event caused pleasure? how about learning how to get there once and again, without pretending that such state is an intrinsic part of yourself. One you depend on and are addicted to.
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For most people… I think we’re taught this stuff. Most people just reject the undesired feelings, including the inferiority ones. Most people build structures to compensate, instead of moving and fixing and changing and taking charge of the situation that is causing the feeling. And the overall body gets sicker and sicker, and the original problem gets worse with every layer of bullshit that is placed on top of it, and the higher the structure, the more wicked and twisted it gets.
And pleasure receives the same treatment.
So. How to get better? Leave the fucking feelings alone. Let them be. Free them. Let them take charge. Let them go wherever they will go. No place is too high, and no place is too low.
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Feelings are there for a reason. Embrace them. Like Shari would say. Honor your feelings. All of them. The more you feel, the more you discern, the wiser your emotional body gets, the more you gain emotional intelligence, the better you’ll perform. Yes. Even if all you feel is pain.
But when you’re in pain, go to the source.
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