Rudiger asks me about my HUS Love Story:
I’m a newcomer to HUS and found this and other blogs that I’m relating to through HUS. I don’t have the perspective others may have since I’ve only been reading for a month or so. I don’t know what was going on there several years ago.
I have never heard a woman try to step inside a man’s shoes before, which is why I took HUS as fair. However, I’m baffled that she would disagree with this post about manipulation. This isn’t controversial stuff. Maybe I need to read it again.
A couple of mean girls were attacking my friend Olive at HUS and I wrote that for her, so she would reflect on her own behavior, how she was allowing other people to bully her.
Enter Susan, and she took my post as a personal attack to herself, which wasnt. So what would you do? apologize to Susan for the offense you didnt mean, talk through it and make sure everything is cool?
How about if this unrelated drama, this sudden and hurtful misunderstanding is the pattern, the normal modus operandi?
* * *
If you’re a man wandering at HUS and you’re friendly, Susan will first receive you with cushions and drinks, treat you well, make sure you’re comfortable and enjoying the show, and pull you in closely, intimately, so you become part of her “team”.
See. Susan either has allies or foes, it’s a Black or White world, where the shades of gray are measured according to how much she can use you as an ally, and where she plays the unquestionable moral compass of White. Emphasis on “unquestionable”.
So all it will take is for you to express a dissenting opinion, or a criticism, and your comfortable friendship and trust you were building and the drink that you’re holding on your hand, will explode, beautifully, because you stepped on a land mine that you didnt know was there, and now you’re labeled a despicable “foe” and the cops are coming for your ass and someone is screaming help! help! and whose is all that blood? and you’re too confused right now to figure out what just happened so you start crying and asking for forgiveness, and apologizing for every sin you might have or not committed, that you meant no harm, that you’re one of the good guys… that where the fuck is your drink?
And that second, the second you profusely apologize, everything will be ok. Paradise and agreeableness and trust will come back. Even when you’re not sure about what the fuck just went on.
This is called, training.
And it will happen again. With no warning the drinks will explode, the lights will go off, the rage will go on, she´ll push you out, then pull you in, then out, while you keep working through it and trying to go back to the good and swearing wtf why is this so confusing? who’s there? who’s grabbing my ass?
You´ll be walking on eggshells. And eventually break.
Or you´ll refuse to.
* * *
If you refuse to, you´ll stand there, repeating firmly what you think is right and reasoning through it, and watch how Susan ignores every argument, while nitpicking words and changing the subject, escalating on the issue, making personal comments that might make you react. She´ll increase the dosis.
If you do react, you lose your cool and say something stupid, then all you have to do is to profusely apologize and reassure her you’re one of her allies, and pay whatever duties she has for you. I mean, how dare you man. You made a woman uncomfortable. Pay your fucking fine and do as you’re told, you fucking loser.
But let’s say you dont react. You keep your ground firmly, and as cool as you can, no matter which dosis she gives you. She’ll call for the support of every ally she has and make a big bitch fest around you, painting a big picture of you and looking under your clothes which buttons she can press and press them all in a big huge hungry orgy of dramatic misunderstandings and broken feelings, which she will keep escalating until something breaks. Hopefully you. You bitch! how you dare making her work so hard.
When you eventually see the futility of resisting, you’ll make a mark on the ground and write “land mine here, and here, and here, and dont walk through there, dont mention this… avoid, avoid, avoid, please, please, please her” After a while, there will be a lot of stuff that you just dont talk about, and you’ll know what’s proper to say and what not. You still might receive a drama dosis from time to time, just to make sure you’re under control.
Or you might decide to abandon HUS, or to become one of HUS and help give newcomers the same treatment.
Or you´ll take the whole thing badly and spit it out. In which case you’ll get banned. You were always a foe, didnt ya know? oh you despicable malicious pig.
* * *
And when I was walking out I saw something funny.
All those mines and sensitive subjects were, most of the time, fights Susan initiated herself, offenses she took on herself when the other parties meant no offense, or offenses she did on others but then acted like an abused victim when the other party responded angrily, or misunderstandings, mistakes on her part that she wouldnt take responsibility of, etc.
HUS is like an open party with lights and music and candy and interesting posters and hype, where everyone discussing sensible stuff and dancing, and with Susan, smoothly, dropping mines and picking fights and then playing the good samaritan who’s been wronged.
And all those mechanics…. I swear I have seen them somewhere else. Like. Everywhere. I see sick people. Let’s make a movie where Bruce Willis was sick all along.
So what did I do, fueled by my rescuer complex? I called her openly on her bizarre behavior and asked her to self reflect and change. Boom. Im so clever.
You bet that didnt turn out well.
From there on my whole presence was making landmines blow off. That post for Olive for example, Susan took it as a “character assassination” directed to her and wanted me go to in yet another endless me-you-drama-ohnoyoudidnt party.
The games we play. Or stop playing.
* * *
So. Are you new to HUS? pay attention. Dont waste your time explaining that you didnt mean and that you didnt say or rectifying ancient misconceptions and mistakes that go on and on and on and forever on that site, dont waste your time rectifying the “truth” there.
HUS is not a research-the-truth-and-be-honest forum. HUS is there to support the opinion and mood states and ego involvements of Susan, and where disagreeing, or the appearance of disagreeing, means betrayal, which is a political crime punishable by shame and rage, and she’ll make sure those happen, that your boundaries get tested and your alliances reassured, and that you pay your fines, and it will require passing through several stages of love / hate, walking on eggshells, breakups make ups and endless drama, as long as she considers you a valuable asset, until you’re hers, or you’re out.
I dont know if it’s a flavor or BPD/N, but whatever it is, her charisma works. I think she gets 20k-50K visitors a month. That’s a lot of people wanting to play.
But, if you feel like playing, at least know what you’re playing.