There is a contempt point that seems to elude Tyler and every other PUA instructor, even when this is at the very foundation of Game:
1 ) Women are attracted to high value, confident, dominant, successful, abundance minded, social proofed, cocky, funny, resourceful, grown up, attractive, men.
2 ) The one with less value chases the one with higher value. The one with the more needy frame concedes to the one with the less needy frame. The one who needs the less controls the interaction.
3 ) 1+2 = women are naturally attracted to high value men who dont need them back as much. Once in this position, women surrender and are happy to be led, and they complement their man in every way they can and keep him happy, because he’s still a catch. She follows him, he doesnt follow her. It’s a dance.
4 ) All this wording is just: Hypergamy.
5 ) When other girls want what she has, that makes her desire increase.
6 ) Once she’s attracted to a man, once that fully kicked in, nothing else matters. As long as the strong attraction is there, as long as his high-value is there, he can do anything, other people can do and say anything: the bond will stay. Like Rollo says, “Hypergamy doesn’t care”
7 ) In other words, Hypergamy also trumps Game. Or, everything done under Hypergamy, either increases attraction or is invisible to attraction.
8 ) If she wants a man she makes it easy for him. If she doesn’t want a man, she makes it hard for him. And when I say easy / hard, I really mean those words.
* * *
Good? we all know that right? so.
1 ) You only need to “approach” women because they are not chasing you.
2 ) Every time you “open” a girl you have to establish the whole frame again? because you have nothing built.
3 ) What keeps you in the “approach” phase is that you’re low value. Actually, you keep playing the game because it reinforces your low value. You get tiny, short validations that pump your value up, a little, and make you have insecure dreams of glory and “what could have been”, then you go back to the comfort of the low value. You’re playing an addiction game.
Duh.
4 ) If you’re low value, your interactions with girls will be of the hard kind. If you’re high value, your interactions will be the easy kind. If you plan to have thousands of interactions, on which flavor do you want them? easy or hard?
5 ) Having lots of hard, low value interactions is not how you raise your value. Losing is not how you win. There’s failure and defeat and loss and mistakes on the roadmap, of course, but losing is not how you win. Winning is how you win.
6 ) So how do you want your next 1000 interactions to be like, again? easy, or hard? do you want an uphill battle, or a landslide? do you want to be embraced, or rejected? easy, or hard? abundance, or scarcity? success, or failure? what are you after?
Do you want to be successful with women, for real?
Make it easy.
Instead of keeping your current value and position in the chain, and approaching thousands of girls while trying to emulate upper value behaviors… upper your own value in the chain, and socialize everyone, thousands of people, while you’re at it, and develop real upper value behaviors that are consistent with your real upper value in the chain.
Grow up your persona and your value and make thousands of relationships that STAY. Build a net of connections that STAY. Build.
Build up your value. And socialize. Do you like game? then incorporate Game, whatever you like about it, or all of it, into you. Make what you really like, default, so there’s never a “deflating” back to the “real you”. Change who you really are. Up your value. And interact with a lot of people from there, as you go up.
I can’t say this enough.
So. You’ve seen famous, powerful people, business owners, etc? the guys other guys treat with deference and women flirt with? you’ve seen the guy who clearly owns his circumstances and has everything working for him, and emanates that before even saying a word?
“Approaching” doesnt enter his lexicon.
Fuck. I dont “approach”. I TALK. I MEET PEOPLE. I FORM RELATIONSHIPS. WITH PEOPLE WHO WANTS TO BE WITH ME AND I WANT TO BE WITH. But most of it, really, is just filtering.
Compare. Approaching vs Filtering.
You’re better off spending 3 years building up your value as a man and playing a cumulative game and growth game and socializing with lots of people and women, and knowing what you’re doing, than, spending 3 years with your current value and “approaching” thousands of women while improving your superficial “verbal / behavioral game”, that you’re using so you dont feel that bad about your real low value, anyway.
Oh boy.
And over 10 years? it’s a no brainer.
You know that “natural” PUAs keep talking about? A natural is a guy who doesnt “pretend” to have value, but just has it. So have it.
Alpha up.
If you want success make it real.
This is what most guys need to hear, but don’t really want to. It’s not the easiest route. It’s intimidating. It’s difficult to plan, much less to implement.
Thanks for sharing the wisdom.
I like the concept, Yohami… ‘approach’ is in fact subservient, while ‘filtering’ is excercising a direct control over the social exchange.
It’s a meta-view of game that in essence is a reframe of the whole game frame itself. I’m not ‘gaming’ a girl, I’m excercising judgment’ over a girl. Much more powerful.
Words do matter.
Very true.
Ah yes. Living life according to the dictates of a woman’s hind brain. That’s what makes a man. How stupid of civilisation to get it so wrong.
Jacob, what do you mean?
Yohami isn’t writing about living life to the dictates of a woman’s hindbrain. He’s talking about a man living his full potential and magnetizing women as a side effect.
HUGE.
Approaching versus filtering. Could not have thought of a better frame. Why go on some socially contrived value when you can actually raise your natural value as a man?
Yohami, completely agree. The one thing I’ve noticed about Game is that it will give you tools to do well with 1 girl or 1 girl and her friend. However, it seemed to be missing something that you described in this post.
The tactic I’ve been using at the moment is to start by getting comfortable socializing with low value folks, then moving up to a moderate, then high value crowd. I’m still very outcome dependent with the elite crowd which isn’t good, but I’m getting there.
Keep the wisdom coming man.
“getting comfortable socializing with low value folks, then moving up to a moderate, then high value crowd.”
That’s a good one.
The high value crowd is triggering your primal insecurities, and you get back to the old mechanism of “I dont deserve this / what can I do to be accepted / I feel so little / mommy mommy dont leave me”
Which is normal. There’s a reason most people dont go up in the ladder. There might be unresolved issues from childhood there as well fixating the hogs (check the letters 1-5 at therawness.com).
That video on this post addresses a way to break that, behaviorally. You break the comfort zone and become the center of another mini social circle where you dictate the rules, and people around get’s drawn to you. You dont have time for thinking about becoming accepted, because you’re the one accepting (or not) other people in, Alpha style.
I know right?
“getting comfortable socializing with low value folks, then moving up to a moderate, then high value crowd.”
Actually, the way you’re setting that up exposes the bullshit.
Mix them up.
Start with the high value, then go to the low value, then medium, then low, then high.
If you go thinking that one group is low and another group is high, you’re rigging yourself to act differently with each one: you have already it planned. You have one group that scares you so you prepare for it. Dont. Go all in. Break in.
The more you treat the high and the low crowd as the same, the better.
I took that from my singing teacher. When I knew a note has high pitched, I detuned. When I knew a note was low, I forced my throat. Bad habits. So treat everything as the same, beacause they are.
That high value crowd is the low value crowd compared to some other crowd. And they know it. It’s all games.
Pure gold. Become the man you want to be, instead of trying to run a fake alpha persona.
That is the essence of it. Once again, hit the nail on the head Yohami. That is precisely why I’m a bona fide, proud, card-carrying member of the MGTOW movement.
There’s not a chance I’ll ever be able to “Alpha Up” as you put it. Not enough horsepower in ye olde brain box. Simply not enough mental dexterity to create or foster attraction in my case (suck at small talk, not quick enough on the uptake, conceptually too high-brow and esoteric, not focused enough, etc.). Does not hinder my professional life in any way, but interpersonally, it’s pretty much game, set, and match.
For a lot of us in this position, the fundemental question is not so much whether we want to be successful with women, it’s more so do we want to go insane trying.
The thing I keep coming back to in my mind is, how do I want to meet my maker? Content, at peace, satisfied, learned, and ready for the next leg of the journey, or dejected, embittered, and sullen?
For a lot of people who advocate game, there is a misconception about the Gamma/Delta/Omega wing of the socio-sexual hierarchy that paints us all with the hopeless and bitter brush. While it is true that there are those who fit the bill to a tee, the vast majority of us are genuinely happy for our bretheren who are successful with the opposite sex. Really and truly happy for you all and wish you nothing but the best. Maybe that makes us losers in the eyes of game practitioners, but it is a simple resignation to the facts on the ground.
It’s like the Palestinian-Israeli situation. You can cry and beat your chest all day long about an equitable solution to the crisis, but deep down even the most ardent pro-Palestinian knows that the settlements are here to stay and that the refugees will never, ever, ever, ever, return.
MGTOW simply says, “Get real, buddy. Face the music, smell the coffee, read the writing on the wall, etc. Move on with your life.” Is that so terrible? Not to me, anyway.
Peace and keep up the good work, Yohami. Of all the game bloggers, you are by far the best writer, IMO.
I feel you man. I dont always consider that angle, but the whole setup is:
Do you want to be successful with women? make it easy or dont even bother.
In short if you’re not, or can not, or will not, use hypergamy in your favor, if you cant or wont put yourself in the upper ladder positions so the game IS easy… it makes no sense to play at all, since you´ll only be facing the hard aspect of the game and never get to cash the prizes the upper positions get so easily, and you’ll get jaded because of it.
It makes no sense to deal with women in an up-hill setup, ever, to work your way up to them and chase and buy-in, when they are, biologically and culturally, rigged to despise and reject and get creeped out by lower-ranking guys approaching them, and, biologically and culturally rigged to open their legs and hearts and embrace the “best” (aka, higher value, the flavor of the moment) man they can have access to.
Unless you can be the man they throw themselves at, it makes no sense to play this game, at all.
So I have this thing that every man “can”, and that every man owes himself to make himself happy and go as up as they can and yada yada. But the truth is this is a ladder… and the ladder has a pyramid shape. And women as a whole pay more attention to the social pyramid than to the individual men… the result, mathematically, is that in this free system a lot of guys will go blue balls no matter what, or they´ll go crazy chasing and falling in love with women that will denigrate them and make them feel sub human.
I can see why one would take a stand and just dont bother. Middle finger. I´ll go my own way and make myself happy, Im not longer part of this order of things. I deserve respect. MGTOW. And then. Standing up is manly. Demanding respect and doing your thing and going your way is manly. More manly than chasing. Still, it might not be enough to trigger hypergamy… I can imagine it being attractive to some lucky girl… some outlier… but the odds… you know the odds.
It makes my balls sad to imagine these guys lonely.
But aren’t we all.
“It’s not the easiest route. It’s intimidating. It’s difficult to plan, much less to implement.”
It’s the only one that feels right to me as well. Tends to work out in my favor too, if anything I wind up with too many pots and not enough burners.
Interesting, but I didn’t get the point of the Tyler video. Just that men are doing silly things to look higher value?
“Make what you really like, default, so there’s never a “deflating” back to the “real you”. Change who you really are. Up your value. And interact with a lot of people from there, as you go up.”
“Build up your value”
“…develop real upper value behaviors that are consistent with your real upper value in the chain.”
I’m assuming this is mostly a feeling you have about yourself. That you are really valuable, special, likable, etc. I have a lot of positive things about myself, but I also have a lot of problems that keep me anxious and feeling less than others. I read you’re post twice and it makes sense to be thinking (or feeling) “I have so much value I’m going to see if these people over here are interesting and at my level.” Really, I do , I’m not being sarcastic.
How do you do it?
Is it just telling yourself, “even though I’m almost 40 and have to have relatives help me with my rent, just got a DUI and am going to be biking and taking the bus, I am still in my essence of high value?”
Would I be in the fixes I’m in if I was at that high value? Do I stop looking for women until the other things are fixed? Or will a new attitude build them all up.
The Tyler video: they are unstiffling. It’s a trick from the acting world and the religions world and the sports world etc. You do something asocial, intentionally, but have a good time doing it, so you break your normal-default connection with the world. Break the ice. That allows you to own your circumstances. In this context, they are non-wanted men. Doing the comedy shit allows them to forget about it, without having to get drunk.
“How do you do it?”
It’s not just a feeling nor a thinking: It’s making it real. The stuff yous say to yourself, the affirmations, the positive whatever… some of that, you do because that’s how you were raised, and some of that you do to compensate for what you dont have. Say. You’re miserable but you talk yourself out of it.
The way to make it real is to fix the real issues and put yourself in a truly happier place. So the life / reality is already giving you positive feedback, which means you have the positive affirmation without having to bullshit yourself.
Check this one http://yohami.com/blog/2012/02/21/be-yourself-doesnt-work-let%C2%B4s-get-deeper/
“even though I’m almost 40 and have to have relatives help me with my rent, just got a DUI and am going to be biking and taking the bus, I am still in my essence of high value?”
If the whole world gives you cues that you’re low value, but you still feel like high value, you’re by definition insane. It might be a useful insanity, it may allow you to survive long enough so you can eventually change your circumstances, and get positive feedback, somewhere you’re comfortable and can let the internal tension go. If you have to be telling yourself stuff, you’re not there yet.
Or it might be useful as a patch, a mask, feeling you’re X value when deep down you’re not, and it might last enough to spread your seed, reproduce, and dump the burden somewhere else, which is what biology wants you to do anyway. Just not good for your own happiness on the mid-long term.
In short if the world’s feedback is in dissonance with how you feel and think about yourself, you can, and will, protect yourself from that feedback, either telling yourself positive (or negative) affirmations, or blocking stuff from your perception, etc. It’s normal. Your job, though, is to let reality in, enough to put you in motion and work until the dissonance is gone and you live in harmony, content, fulfilled, and sans bullshit.
an instant classic.
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