“Hypergamy basically means that “love” is for women what lust is for men.”

Ok I can see this to be true. But, there is a sliding scale on exactly how much any particular woman feels hypergamy, and how she reacts to it.

So, if this analogy is correct, then a woman that is happy with her BF/Husband despite knowing a few other “higher status” men is the same as a man that is happy with his wife even though he works with two really hot women.

One of my favorite “demotivational” posters I ever saw was a picture of a hot woman in a bikini bottom and a t-shirt. The shirt read: “even though she is hot as hell, some man somewhere is tired of putting up with her shit” And to me that is the key. Men will never stop noticing “hot” women, and women will never stop noticing “higher status” men, but the good men and women for relationships are the ones that realize those hotter/higher status people have their own issues, and chances are even IF they left their current mate to be with that person, they would be stuck dealing with that person’s “shit”.

To me, I know my SO. I know her personality, her strengths, and her weaknesses. It isn’t even close to worth it for me to leave her simply for the chance to get with another “hotter” woman that might be 100% batshit crazy. And, I imagine she feels somewhat the same. She works as an MA in orthopedics, so she is constantly around “high status” men with the title Doctor after their name. She constantly tells me that they are the neediest, most entitled and arrogant men she has ever dealt with. She has no problem dealing with them in the office, but said she can’t understand how their wives can deal with it.

I imagine the large sums of money the doctors make helps, but then those woman may very well ride the hypergamy roller coaster a bit more than others.

Nice one, Y!

So, she’s gonna sabotage the relationship or test you just to get a hypergamy fix?

“But I’ll tell ya, a strong woman with hypergamy, puts up a hell of a fight and knows how to push your buttons.”

Yep. I know one thing for sure. If I ever find myself single again, I will approach finding the next woman in my life completely different than any of my previous attempts. One of the things I will be looking for is low hypergamy. Not gone, because the more I think on it, the more I recognize it in just about every women I know or have known. But, I can also see that some women have a much lower threshold for triggering the response to keep her hypergamy in check.

And to think I used to believe the most important things in a woman were honestly and loyalty. Who knew both were rather subjective…

Getting into the utilitarian aspect of female relationships. How can then one explain anecdotal evidence of female devotion to their mates? For example, Osama Bin Laden’s wife taking a bullet for her husband.

Do mothers view their sons in this utilitarian fashion as well? Obviously our mothers are some of our biggest enemies when it comes to success with women.

Anacaona,

Believe it or not, I used to think I was ‘low hypergamy’ too. Until I realised that
1. I wasn’t.
2. It’s not a compliment to whoever I choose to marry.

Could I ask you to answer a few questions for me? (You don’t have to answer if you deem some of these too personal).
1. Is your husband taller than you?
2. Does he earn more than you?
3. Is he funnier/cleverer than you?
4. Is he physically stronger than you?
5. Is he older than you?
6. Is he more logical/calmer when in a crisis than you?
7. Do you ever feel he is a leader and you are happy to follow his lead when it comes to decisions regarding your relationship/home/family/leisure eg where to go on holiday?

If you answered ‘yes’ to at least 3 of these, dear Anacaona, then you are just as hypergamous as me
And I can’t say that’s a bad thing. It’s good for you and your man this way. Don’t know why – just is.

If ‘hypergamy’ also means dumping your husband for Clooney at the drop of a hat, then I agree it’s not for me, nor you clearly.

Your husband is only smart, sweet, kind, loyal and smells nice because you are already attracted to him.
There are lots of smart, sweet, kind, loyal and sweet-smelling men yout there that you don’t give a hoot about because you are not attracted to them.
Your hypergamy made it possible for you to look up to your husband and find him better than you in some way. Hence the initial attraction. It’s a good thing. Women need this to be atrracted to a man. Let’s not knock it. But I agree it shouldn’t be taken to foolish heights neither.

Anacaona,

You were most likely reacting to your husband’s pheromones. It’s a very natural phenomenon. I concur on that!
I don’t think your memory was a necessity in your husband’s attraction to you. (That would make him a very unusual man!) That’s why he is not hypergamous, but YOU are, because all those 6 things you answered ‘yes’ to were a necessary part of your attraction to him.
I know I am labouring the point, but I think it is a good thing for a woman to hold onto her hypergamous nature. Don’t hide it. I know men complain about it, but only because it is a ‘c*ckblock’ for them. Once a woman (using this same hypergamy) ‘chooses’ him, he is happy again
But he is pleased this woman had high standards, because what does that tell him? That he is of high standard!
So don’t keep saying you are ‘low hypergamy’. It’s not a compliment to your husband. The message he should be hearing from you is that you wanted the best and you got the best

@ Anacaona,
Hypergamy is not just about social dominance.
There were at least 6 things that made him ‘superior’ to you which were your attraction triggers to him.

I am not attracted to the PUA version of cocky, arogant Game either. As Bellita put it, that’s ‘sizzle without the steak’.

Like you, I am not into the whole ‘socially dominant’ thing for the sake of it.
But I am still hypergamous.

I guess it really boils down to a question of definition.

I got a question for you, Anacaona.
How do you see your husband in relation to other men? He may not be socially dominant, but do you see him as superior to other men? Do you think he has the respect of other men (eg. work colleagues, sport buddies) or not?

@JT
I do think he is superior to other men in character and interests but I don’t think he is that respected by his peers. He is liked by his peers which is a lot better IMO.

@Yohami
This one again?! Really being “a gringo” has nothing to do with him being superior. How many expats seek out nerdy men that know about comic books, WoW and warhammer? I don’t know why they keep conflating both, it would had been a lot easier for me to marry an Spaniard or an Italian man they go on packs to pick Dominican wives and I received offers before from my married friends to them, but since I’m attracted to a nerdy type I signed on sciconnect to find someone similar to what I wanted and I liked.
The only reason I live in USA is because hubby wouldn’t adapt to a tropical island weather, he is not good at making friends being introverted an there is nothing “fun” to do there for him (not game nights and gaming is just starting to catch up, the typical Dominican idea of fun is getting drunk and dancing on the weekends and playing domino)is more about what makes more sense than me dreaming with being completely alone in a new country regardless how first world is it.
But whatever, if it makes you feel better to think that his nationality is what makes him attractive there is nothing I can say or do to change your mind, being an Alpha means that you are never wrong.

@Yohami
Not touchy you are not the first manosphere guys that implies that my husband being gringo is the only reason I love him so much or/and I’m attracted to them. I just added my version so JT has my perspective on the issue of his nationality mattering or not as well. I also added the bit about Alpha just to know that is more about the answer than about convincing you.
In the same subject, why people assume they offend me this easily? Is because I use a lot of words to answer something? I really don’t get that worked out about things and when I do I usually just say it “This enrages me” or something along those lines but I’m a writer making ass long answer is kind of the part of the deal with me, you should see me talking about meaningless subjects I could go on for hours :p

First came my job, and then my girlfriend. She didn’t work. All her friends thought I was a “good man” because I supported her. Those same friends were always bashing men who were being supported by women. The hypocrisy was stunning. Long story short: lost my job and the girlfriend left.

Men are very aware of hypergamy. We are visual-oriented beings. We witness hypergamy, and we report it. What’s sad is that mentioning hypergamy is usually a recipe for shaming language. People –women in particular– don’t want to hear the truth.

Hypergamy has made dating a disaster now that women are educated and employed. Whether a woman earns 20k or 200k, she will generally seek men of equal or greater status. The earning power of women will only continue to increase, and their pool of eligible mates will contine to decrease. I think this is the prefect time to legalize prostitution. Low income males will not fare well in the future.

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