When you seek approval you put other people on a pedestal.
That pedestal is made of your own morals and ego.
The person you put on a pedestal is supposed to incarnate the ideal – your own. You project the ideal on a person so you can get the ideal´s approval, so you can approve (or disapprove) your own person. You feed on their love and punishment, you try harder, you try to do what´s good, or bad, or you rebel, all by yourself, against this imaginary thing.
You feed a fake system of values so you can be loved by a higher order.
Role play – identity masturbation.
But as it happens… this person has a moral / standards on their own. Actually, unlike your ideals, that person exists. And with that, there´s conflict.
Either they cant play the part properly -> you cant pedestalize them fully -> you cant get enough approval. OR.
They play the part properly -> you pedestalize them fully -> you get approval at the expense of living by THEIR moral standards, on the pretense these are your own.
Seeking approval / putting other people on your pedestal is as egoistical and sick as it gets. You might not be abusing other people, but you´re abusing yourself while pretending it´s them doing it. In short, dont.
You are the one. Yeah. Yourself.
Instead of finding external dummies to project your own values and then act as a follower for that fake herd, be your own pastor. And open your windows so you can relate to other people on their own terms – on their own realities – and in your own terms.