Just watch that video.
Super interesting. What first came to mind is all those poor children in Russian and Eastern European orphanages that get zero interaction. A lot of them end up having a lot of behavioral and anger issues (google: adopted russian returned, lol) and I can’t help but thinking it stems from the lack of attention.
Imagine if that baby freaked out at the lack of interaction for one minutes, what a whole childhood of neglect could do. Amazing. It seems that nurture cannot so much improve what we are born with, but it can definitely spoil it….
Sigues en Argentina?
Yep, Argentina for at least another two years.
That video is so interesting. The dr´s commentary is good too. Good bad and ugly and getting stuck. I´ll post some of my ideas about it.
Russian kids, german kids, american kids, japanese kids… every culture is stuck in a phase. Im circling around this point and what happens when you introduce power, roles (parent, kid, alpha, beta, man, woman, etc). Its endless.
This is why vacuuming works so well in set. Hold a blank face and give indeterminable responses. The girl feels forced to draw engagement out of you
Yes, alpha detachment = blank stare, or indifference, unreactiveness, puts the people around you in in reactive mode, seeking for your approval. Then when you do address them is like they won a prize. Instant status. And hot girls do it all the time, but they do is as a “test” to see how unreactive you are. It´s like the whole range of dynamics are present on that video.
My BF always says that girls who play for the Super Alpha (i.e. the one who doesn’t engage at all, the Asshole) have daddy issues. Maybe just parent issues.
Also check Ainsworth’s and Bowlby’s Theory of Attachment and the strange situation experiment, if you haven’t already.
Curious – is making eye contact part of a this reaction? If you don’t make eye contact during most of a conversation, timing it when an interesting part of her conversation but still keeping a blank face, does that seem to enhance the need to seek approval? Not knowing whether you made eye contact because you approved or disapproved?
I’ve tried it, with mixed success. I think the hard part is that most of the time I’m not able to isolate someone – so it depends on the person and whether they’ll start trying to connect with someone else or keep trying to connect with me. I’m having a hard time keeping it on me in most of those situations.
Is very funny there is this woman I’m doing some work with and her sister is her partner. I don’t dislike the sister I just like my friend more and I noticed that the sister is always looking for ways to get my attention, welcomes it warmly and all that. Then I found out his boyfriend is 10 years younger and looks like he just got out of jail and that she had been married twice…yeah it works even when it not about sex I suppose. Now I’m tempted to be friendly and see if she leaves me alone….pondering pondering.
This was marked as spam. wtf. Eye contact… its more about how do you respond or not to the interaction. One of the two persons sets the moods and starts / ignites, the other responds or not, ignites something on their own, or changes it, or ignores it, or amplifies it.
Not making eye contact is weak btw.
Spam? Weird. Maybe its been doing that around the ‘Sphere – I noticed on Rollo’s my comments didn’t come up right away when they have before too.
Damn. Always enjoy the way you phrase things. The set the mood and ignite it is good.
Curious, what makes you say that not making eye contact is weak? I’ve heard various things around different parts of the ‘Sphere. I’m more prone to making eye contact, but read a couple places that it can work well for you to make them work for your attention instead of simply earning it. So I was giving that a shot.
Again – mixed success. About to switch back to what feels right and natural; I was just pushing my boundaries to see what worked.
You can “break” eye contact – like breaking rapport, when the other person is speaking, with moderation. When you talk though, look straight in the eye.
Breaking eye contact is better than making eye contact, if that makes sense. The default should be eye contact. Break it for tension release or breaking rapport or detachment. You convey a lot of information and mood and stuff when you look in the eye – just dont make it like a puppy and you´re fine.
[...] Yohami recently told me in a comment thread, “One of the two persons sets the moods and starts / ignites, the other responds or not, [...]
He says “30-40 years ago we didn’t think babies could interact socially with their world”. When he says “we” who does he mean?
Leap of Beta and others, I don’t understand the need to play games with human beings like artificially looking at them and then looking away. What’s the point?
Just interact organically with others and your life will be much simpler, much happier.
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