Sir, the current SMP has nothing to do with nature or evolution. Science and birth control have taken it out of equation. And that’s a big reason why we as a whole are increasingly turning into solitary beings without relationships. Many men are ignored while many women do the bidding/waiting for a minority of men while they themselves go without relationships in the process.

Yohami,

There are other things you can do, and if you want to talk about it, I will. However, I really don’t want to become annoying by repeating stuff you already know.

Just say the word.

“She pushes because she wants it all the time. She has never done it.”

She doesn’t want *it* all the time. She wants the feeling *it* produces all of the time. However, by it’s very nature, this feeling cannot be sustained. It will always diminish and if one tries to sustain it boredom sets in (beta).

If she has never done this for you and it is something you want and expect I would suggest calling her out on it. The next time she asks for you to do this for her, or better yet, the next time she shit tests about it call her out on it. Be direct but don’t be an asshole (I don’t buy into this being direct is asshole game. It’s not, it’s simply being direct. An asshole is a guy being a dick for the sake of being a dick). I would also suggest letting her know how it makes you feel that she won’t do this for you. This may sound like a beta move but it absolutely does not have to be.

Let me explain further. When we first married there were certain things that I bought into in the feminist crap. I didn’t even know it. My husband called me out on them and I thought he was just being stupid (harsh, I know. I had a lot of things I needed to change). But when he let me know how these things made him feel and why, I realized my errors and made steps to change. Here’s the key. He was angry. He had every right to be angry and he did not hide this from me. He maintained his frame while letting this somewhat contained anger show. This is a very . . . . powerful . . . . thing to have directed at you. Not scary in the sense that he might hurt me, but in the sense that things WILL change, no matter what.

I don’t know if this will work with your girl. You know her best and how to frame yourself with her the best. I do know that it can be highly effective with women, though.

Stingray: HUGE standing ovation for you on your definition of what asshole game is NOT.

@ Permanent Guest

Also interesting point about wanting “the feeling.” I would definitely agree, but I’m also curious as to what feelings we’re talking about. I overheard a girl talking about her engagement and her desire for a more expensive ring, and her girlfriends were telling her to demand (not ask) for the ring she wants, as if it’s her right. I wonder if any legitimate feeling of surprise or gratification can come from that.

The particular feeling I am talking about that is felt when the man you love goes all in for you in something you love but he doesn’t much care about is a mixture of happiness/gratitude and most importantly love and an overwhelming feeling of being the most special person in the world. It’s intoxicating.

The feeling your describing in the engagement ring scenario (good grief, really?) is much, much different. She is not looking for more surprise or gratification. She is looking for two things. 1) To impress her friends with a) a bigger ring and b) showing off her ability to con him into getting her a bigger ring. And 2) she is attempting to base how much he loves her and how special he thinks she is on a round piece of metal and a rock. She somehow thinks she is entitled to more because she is oh so special and grand.

I feel truly sorry for the poor schlep who gave her that ring. If I were him, I would not allow he to go out with her friends any more and I would take the ring back and toss the thing out or pawn it and replace it with one from the pawn shop. I would make her watch me do it, too. IF she can handle that, the relationship might be worth salvaging.

How long did it take you to realize and made adjustments on your behavior and expectations? these fights (I assume were fights) happened AFTER you were married? how long had you been in a relationship at that point? thanks.

The one major thing that I remember I did in buying into the feminist crap was sex. I believed that sex was no big deal and that it was just sex. Men didn’t *need* it. And, like in many marriages, a while after we married the sex diminished and it was my fault. I would say this may have gone on for a year to 18 months before we talked about it. I would not say we fought about this particular thing, but we did talk about it and the anger in my husbands eyes was palpable. But I recall it being a calm discussion about how important sex truly is to a man and why. After that discussion things changed regarding this and he got laid a lot more. It helps a lot that he is a natural alpha and during this time he did try some beta things out, saw they failed and brought the alpha back.

This discussion happened about 2 years after we were married. We dated for 3 years before we married.

Another big problem we had was communication. I communicated like a woman while we fought (real fights in this instance) and was completely irrational. I didn’t realize this because, obviously, things were rational to me. After being utterly dismissed for a while during arguments and not being able to figure out why, I finally asked. Me asking had nothing to do with an argument but I knew things had to change. He told me I was being irrational (this burns me more that I can say, as it does most women, but I also knew that he was right). So instead of getting pissy about it I asked him to give me some examples. I was calm and what he told me was demonstrably true. So, I worked on it. I found all I had to do was keep my mouth shut and listen. I can’t process things quickly while I’m angry so if we fight now, I tell him I need to think about what he is saying and get back to him. Thing is, we very rarely fight any more. We discuss. It is actually quite funny, because now that I can communicate like this and state my case clearly and concisely I prove him wrong more often than I used to (it is also no longer my goal to simply prove him wrong for the sake of being right, but to get to the bottom of the problem. Like I said, I had things I needed to work on). It’s actually become a joke between us that he should not have taught me how to communicate like a man. This started about 4-5 years ago, I would say, so we had been married 7-8 years when this started.

My parents definitely are not in a business relationship. If that makes you feel better.