I tell people what to do. I always expect to receive the best share. I always expect to play by my rules. I always expect to be satisfied. I always expect my boundaries to be respected. Im not afraid of confrontation, violence, aggression, or challenge. When Im in a pack of men, I expect them to play along, to follow, or to prove they are better suited than me. I give everyone a chance. But. Im always in charge, I EXPECT to be in charge. I do less questions than I do assertions. I expect to have the final word. On everything. I expect to be right, I expect to get things done my way.
And this comes with a tone, a body language, etc. Its filled with swagger, confidence, but a confident person can also be submissive or complacent or supportive. So what Im talking about here is dominance. When Im in a social situation, I OWN it. Or I expect to own it.
So. There are a thousand of shades of gray to this.
Fear and drive and running away from something and running towards something are similar in appearance. The easier one to pinpoint is the inverse archetype, the weak, the fearfully ignorant control freak:
A control freak has a self esteem void, so they to force everyone to behave in a way it doesnt produce a cognitional dissonance with their ego. A control freak NEEDS other people to play by their rules, but also NEEDS them to stick around. So controls freaks grab other people firmly, try to get a hold and hook them somehow. The control freak needs to seduce, manipulate, lie, order, force their way on others. The control freak is an omega with penis envy. The control freak NEEDS other people to play along and can be cruel and destructive. The control freak cant take the truth, cant stand their own reflection, cant take criticism, cant take attacks, the control freaks lives in ignorance, paranoid about possible plots against them, treasuring old hurts, feeding on negative energy, and feeding others with negative energy.
In contrast, the assertive / dominant alpha is like the owner of the house. You can be there and do your thing as long as what you are doing doesnt conflict with the rules of the house. You can leave if you want, but as long as you are there, you know you have to present your best self or you are going to get kicked out.
When people come to my house, I tell them “leave your shoes at the door”. Some newcomers who dont know this rule look at me with incredulity, as in “really? this is awkward”. I point my finger and say “there, then you can come in”, then walk away. They are welcome, but this is mine.
When I play in my band I tell each one which part to play. I tell them how the songs are going to change. They are welcome to play my music and to be on my band. But this is mine.
When I deal with my clients, I tell them how I am going to solve their problems. I explain whats the plan of execution, what it costs, and whats negotiable. They are free to go my way, or to go with another problem fixer.
When I deal with my workers, I tell them what to do, period.
When I deal with my students, I tell them what to do.
When I was having random hookups, I would tell these girls what to do. Give me a kiss. Come home. Undress.
When I deal with my girlfriend, I tell her what to do.
When I deal with my friends, I tell them what to do.
When I greet people, I nod upwards. When I talk to people, I look them in the eyes. When I say what I want, I approve, I reject, I command.
And you know what? people come to me so I can tell them what to do. I dont chase them around.
Because of my character and upbringing, this “what to do” is always aimed to do things “good”, I figure how things work, what do people want, I do a big chunk of listening and taking-it-in BEFORE deciding what to do about it. I figure out the situation and when I set things to be in my way, I aim for something where everybody wins. Starting of myself, but far reaching. This generosity is not “needed”, it just happens to be there. Dominance can express itself without generosity and it would still be effective. Im not being “generous” so others do things my way. Im not “paying” nor “compensating” nor I think that my role is to be the support for other people. When Im generous, it means thats my way. That I envision something where everyone is fulfilled. And thats my way too. If you plan to be around me, you better do things right.
Its not about “forcing, trying to compel, imposing” my way on others. I own my way.
And I care about whats mine. Im not holding my particular way of doing things because of some random moody thing. This is a conscious choice, and Im betting my life on doing things my way, and I carry it with total responsibility. I own it. And I fucking love it. Its about territory. My way surrounds me.
And, If you plan to challenge me, you better be more prepared and adept to take on the lead that I am, fucker. If you are, then you bet Im going to learn all of I can from you. And I will continue to challenge you. Until I beat you. And its going to be so much fun. And Im going to respect you a huge lot, and Im going to be generous with my knowledge, so you can grow too. Boy do I enjoy competition.
Others come, and go, in and out from my way of doing things, because they want to.
Whatever the case, Im always in charge.