Not to cover it nor to avoid it nor to fill it quickly nor to deny it nor to escape from it, but to feel it, to go deep in those feelings and find the crack. Finding and accepting the existence of the crack, becoming aware and observing of the crack, starts a process where my own body heals it, just like it heals any other wound when it’s triggering pain. Then the void get’s filled by my own body with self love, as it was filled before the void-inducing crack/wound happened. It returns to an original state.
Mental note of the day: Find the crack + Fill your own cup.
Just realized that the overpresent narcissism in politics matches with the codependent behavior of the masses.
The politicians are the narcissistic supply of the voters. An idealized super-human figure the voters acquire to make up for their own deficiencies, someone to fixate with, and this fixation is both the investment and the reward of such transaction. It’s not about what this figure actually does – it’s about what he/she is. Shame dynamics. That’s why nobody cares about actually solving the issues nor discussing what’s really going on, and why truth is so easily pushed aside. It’s all advocacy. It’s all drugs.
By the time anyone enters the discussion they have already picked a winner, which is just a flavor of that drug. You can argue against an idea, but you cannot argue against a flavor. Pathologies win.
I am an Omega and Im five years old. We are playing the lion and other animals in kindergarden. She says she wants to marry mr zebra. And that I am never going to be her boyfriend.
Six. Blonde cute princess. I make a paper collar, a ring and some drawings for her. Wrap them into a letter, asking if she wants to be my girlfriend. Later I see her wearing the collar, but never get a response.
Seven. I am with this brunette tomboy girl and we are best friends. I also want to jump on top of her, but not sure what for exactly. The kids chant and tease that Im her boyfriend. I deny it.
Eight. I fall in love with a cartoon character. “The girl of the flowers”. She had magical powers. She has a boyfriend, he saves her from time to time.
Nine. I keep Nati’s heart shaped picture in my pocket for a year. When I return to town and see her again she wants to kiss and stuff. I want to play with car toys instead.
Ten. Best friend’s with Dariela and also a crush on her. She goes out in the afternoon to make out with a tiny neighbor boy she doesnt like, but she wants to try the kissing stuff.
Ten. Dariela’s twin younger sisters flirt with me and say that I should want to rape them. I take offense.
Ten. I realize that all I want from a woman is between the neck and the legs. Decide that the greek sculptures are fine as they are.
Eleven. I send letters to every one in my old neighborhood. Pretty girl Daniela confuses it for a gest of interest and wants to have me.
Twelve. Learn to masturbate looking at Kiara’s posters, while locked in a closet. Im on fifth grade. Some girls and boys are already fucking, most of the boys are fucking the same girl, in group, when they gather to “study”.
Fifteen. I fall in love with “Estela” from a “High Expectations” animated series. I realize that I can put all my feelings in a “box” and stop feeling them. But that this sometimes explodes later. I realize I can replace one girl with the next and keep the emotions the same.
Fifteen. Thin spanish Lorena starts flirty letters, says she’s in love, I respond and we become boyfriend and girlfriend on paper. We never kiss. I suspect the letters are really from her sister.
Fifteen. Curly red haired Gloria sends me a letter, saying that I could be a good boyfriend for her. Later she asks if I have a condom.
Fifteen. Ada comes in a dream and she becomes my twilight zone girlfriend. I write letters to the real world Ada and go visit. The real Ada is kind of flattered but confused as to where my infatuation comes from. Also she’s back from a trip to some mountain and has the libs inflated because she was kissing someone.
Sixteen. I write a poetry book for Elisa. She says thanks but rejects it. She becomes boyfriends with a good looking gringo guy she cannot talk with because he doesnt speak spanish. Then a different girl falls in love with me for the book I wrote for Elisa. Then Elisa dumps the gringo and wants me too, sort of, but she is really after one of my friends.
Nineteen. My first kiss. She’s the bassist of my first band. Im in love with her so are my three best friends. Though, she’s just trying to piss off her aunt when she kisses me. She shuffles between all of us and then chases a badder boy who doesnt want her and is into another girl who has a boyfriend. Then she starts fucking the owner of a record store / bar who has a girlfriend. Then she tries cocaine.
Twenty. Lose my virginity to Sandra. She’s 16. We start a short monogamy. On a two weeks travel that I do back to little town, she fucks another guy and his girlfriend, and starts a beta orbiter relationship with one of my musician friends. I dump her. She goes on to have many boyfriends but keeps saying that she wants me to want her. Gets married, cheats on the hubby.
Twenty. Dani, 17, we write poetry and make out. She also has this tall male orbiter with whom she goes to motel rooms “to smoke weed”. We do on and off. She gets pregnant of another dude and marries. Then divorces and takes the kid to another country.
Twenty. Liliana, 19. She likes me when Im dominant instead of shy. She has a rich boyfriend she fucks every day, then she calls me / finds ways for us to be alone.
Twenty. I pick up a fat gothic girl at a party, spend the night masturbating each other. She gets angry that I dont want to go further and calls me shitty names in a public plaza where Im doing some meditation. Becomes girlfriend of one of my friends, then dumps him. Gets married to another dude, then divorces.
Twenty one. Fabiola. She’s 14. I totally surrender to my love for her. We kiss twice. We make promises of eternal love and soul matching. She lives in another city, and when Im back home she falls for another kid who takes his tshirt off and make out at a bonfire while playing the bottle. They hit it off and become boyfriends. Then she dumps him and grabs another one, then dumps him and grabs another one etc. Makes clear I should still be available if / when she needs me. Im special for her, just not that kind of special.
Twenty one, two, three. Celibacy. I discover Castaneda and Alchemy. I try to become a saint, plus Im still in love. I do drugs, I create and burn companies, try to make rich, dream about having a girlfriend, owning my own computer, and a place where I can sleep.
Twenty four. Im moving towards the Beta/White Knight frame and leaving Omega back. Cristina. She’s 17 and a virgin. She’s a rich girl and Im almost homeless. I become her boyfriend and we date for 8 months with no sex. Then she goes out on a weekend camping trip and loses her virginity to some boyscout. Says she needs time but that we should keep in touch and be friends. Never see each other again.
Twenty four. Short attempts to go Bad Boy. Maria, guitar player of some punk band. Become her boyfriend fuck and dump in less than two weeks.
Twenty four. Marina has been in love with me for years. She has a boyfriend, though they are in a hiatus. She’s on my bed after kissing heavily, says she cannot have sex with me because she’s in a relationship, but says we could have sex if I rape her. I pass on the offer. Next day she thanks me for my White Knight morals, then gets off my radar.
Twenty four. Drunk drugged girl is some dude’s girlfriend. She follows me home screaming my name and saying she’s going to have herself killed on the street unless I let her in and fuck her. So I do it. Her boyfriend later finds out and apologizes for her behavior.
Twenty five. Girl student rapes me in a bathroom, where Im puking after having had too many tequilas, while her boyfriend is waiting at the table.
Twenty five. Clara. She’s on my couch, with the legs open and bright eyes, waiting for me to make a move, but I dont make any. She wants a boyfriend and I dont want to mislead her. I hook her up, sort of, with a friend. They marry and then divorce, the dude goes on a punk rock band and tours latin america, while she settles in miami and sends me invitations with sexual remarks.
Twenty five. Carolina, she’s a student. I crush on her and we fuck. She has a long distance boyfriend, which whom she breaks to be with me fulltime. A year later she’s living in USA and repeating the script, having me as a long distance boyfriend while fucking another dude. Then marries that other dude.
Twenty eight. I have matured into a full Beta by now. Cynthia. I fly to Argentina to be with her. She makes me work hard, even moreso after becoming her boyfriend. She finds new dudes to orbit her, a writer, a policeman, a video director. I try to make the relationship and the craziness work to the point of creating a company where both of us can work in and she can create stuff. But we fight a lot and I dump her, then end the business relationship, where I was also playing “Beta of The Month” for my employees. She chases me for a while but then steals my money, becomes a lesbian, and disappears in Europe.
Twenty nine. Barbie. Become her boyfriend for three months. We go from sexual napalm to conversational napalm since she spends all day talking / stressing about unimportant stuff. Dump her over email. She spends seven years widowing our relationship.
Twenty nine. Discover David De Angelo on OKCupid and add “Cocky n Funny” to my Beta thing. Ale. Nice girl. Weekend’s boyfriends for about a year. She doesnt know who Freud/Einstein/Edison/Marx are nor wants to find out. I get bored.
Thirty. Angie. She had been the girlfriend of a friend of mine many years before. We reconnect and connect emotionally, online. One day she is saying she wants my babies, the next day she is flying to Dubai with an ex boyfriend and breaking contact.
Thirty one. Girl is brilliant, beautiful and creative and owns a pet dragon, but also cuts herself and has a sadist angle. I try to save her, want to marry her, she makes me chase her for a while and then reveals she doesnt want me in that way. I cut contact. She keeps saying hi and sending emoticons.
Thirty one. I discover Game and start moving into Alpha/Bad Boy frame. Enter a series of short to instant relationships. Fuck many girls. Half of them with boyfriends. Some of them wear my clothes the morning after and go to skype with the boyfriend, or text “I love you” or talk to them on the phone while I am fucking them.
Thirty three. Flor. Belgian girl playing chess. We meet at a party, take her home and fuck. Two days later I follow her to a camping in Rosario and we fuck all night in the river. She leaves to Chile, spends a few months there, gets a boyfriend, does drugs, comes back to Argentina for a few days, ignores me, then goes back to Belgium saying that she loves me.
Thirty four. Kissing some paraguay girl at a club. Hands down her clitoris. Make out. Drinks dance and stuff. Then “I have a boyfriend”. Then having sex or not. This x10.
Thirty four. Im full on Alpha frame. Nonstrings harem thing. Many girls, soft relationships, fucking several girls at once or in rotation. Some of them have fulltime boyfriends. Some of them want me to be theirs. I feel hollow and crave for real human connections.
Thirty five. Girls nights. Hearing girls talk about their boyfriends and relationships, evenly unhappy, all of them burning in (mostly) repressed desire to fuck other dudes, some of them doing it, some of them planning how to dump the current boyfriend, even though they are moving in with them or purchasing shared cars / properties. How to dump him but keep the car? sort of thing.
Thirty five. She’s a pet trainer and full of joy. She has a remote boyfriend whom she cuts off to be with me, and I cut off my harem to be with her, but she goes back to exboyfriend for two months and fucks him again. I forgive her and take her back, then she goes to diner and stuff with her other exes nonstop. I dump her because Im sure she’s cheating, plus she’s been ramping up on emotional games. She finds a new boyfriend quickly enough and moves in him with. A year later the new boyfriend commits suicide.
Thirty five. I discover “The rawness”. BPD, Narcissim, Codependency etc. I get more insight on what’s going on with the boyfriend / girlfriend thing. My own reflection isnt pretty.
Thirty six. Eve. Meet her at a bar, she talks nonstop about her brazilian ex boyfriend who cheated on her 50 times and broke her heart. We have sex and I take care of her tears for a few days. Then she turns the teary drama on myself.
Thirty six. Helen, fat older tourist-guide girl, comes to a party, hides the whiskey, we fuck, have sushi, then I get bored of hearing her talk about her failed relationships and political slogans. We stop talking, she blocks me on facebook.
Thirty six. Caramel, colombian / NYC cute girl. Follows me around till we have a proper bar date and fuck. Keeps giving hints she wants me to go for the boyfriend thing, even though she creates drama ploys in which she wants me to chase her around the city with her having a new guy clinging to her during the whole time, but dumping him to be with me by the end of the night.
Thirty six. Sam. She has a boyfriend she’s planning to break up with. Also needs two hours of foreplay before fucking, and bites hard.
Thirty six. Harem with soft strings. Multiple girl-friends with benefits who know about each other. Shortly all of them want the boyfriend/gilrfriend thing, even though some of them actually have boyfriends or are trying to get back with an ex, or are not really over an ex, or are more interested on chasing some new dude or licking each other’s parts when Im not around.
Thirty six. She’s 23. She has a boyfriend she’s cheating on with me, she’s also fucking other dudes, including my best friend, and Im with a lot of other girls too… but she wants me to be her boyfriend. I like her and I comply, then she goes on a travel for 2 months and parties hard. Next day when she comes back I find her on a bed kissing another girl and grabbing some ex lover by the groin. I dump her, but she “doesnt know what she did wrong”.
Thirty seven. Single and with no intention to go back to the pool for the time being. Need my time and focus to make the music. No time to waste on diversions.
* * *
So tell me. What is all the boyfriend and relationships fuzz about? What kind of solace do people get from the boyfriend thing, why do girls lust for having a boyfriend? they lust for the stability and emotional comfort of a man who will commit to them, even if it’s for a short while, but as soon as they get this comfort it gets overriden by something else. The boyfriend role – one that changes at any time at any moment according to the times and flavors…. what’s in it? what does it really mean.
Seems like there are two kinds of available women, the single ones and the “in a relationship” ones, with the single ones more craving for stability, and the “in a relationship” ones more craving and more wild for random cock. I have had better luck with girls with boyfriends than when I’ve been in the boyfriend role myself. Less work and more fun. And any trace of stability or nurturing companionship is taken away as soon as the girl is presented with a better option, even if that option is merely contextual and void of anything deeper, and not boyfriend material – or probably just because of that -. When Im single and hitting on girls Im usually that better option. When Im in a relationship and taken off the pool, I have to fight and combat and keep and police all the stranger cock she seems so eager of.
I taught at a design college for a couple of years. When I started there was no material so I made up my own course. It was deep and demanding and I tested the students against real case scenarios and pushed their limits and put their skills to use. The ones who were interested in the subject learned fast, the ones who werent interested, it was too much for them.
My best students were guys who werent really paying attention in class, they were doing the stuff on their own, and called me only for help. They were ahead of the program.
I was ok with putting zero grades (F-) to the ones who didnt care about learning the stuff. My take: if you cant do this stuff, you aint gonna be making money with it on the real world, so why do you want a grade on it? go do something else.
Nonetheless I got the “best teacher award” from the students four times in a row.
So. A couple of women protested and wanted to pass my course, on the basis that they had been attending to class and had done most of the assignments. Were they able to do the stuff? no. But they wanted recognition for their efforts. I got pushed by the directive board so I gave an A+ to everyone. A month later I got the official program I was supposed to teach. It was totally newbie and useless stuff, and I was expected to follow it to the letter and dump my demanding course. So, naturally, I quit. Now everyone is passing the course.
Do they know how to do the stuff? no. They just made it more difficult for hiring departments to filter the ones who can do stuff from the ones who only have a grade.
And the guys who used to be my best students, the school is now just too slow and mind numbing for them. They are doing their own thing, making money with what they learned.
And those who protested and got a free A+, they are doing their own thing too. But one totally unrelated to the material they got a grade for.
The narcissist is the narcissistic supply of the codependent – the other only exists as a drug that fuels your own self acceptance.
The codependent attempts to “pay” for the drug and might even be fair in the trade, might be attempting collaborative game, not without throwing tamtrums / ultimatums of their own from time to time.
The narcissist instead “lures” offers superficial goods, caters to the codependent’s weaknesses and prey and extracts as many resources as they can before discarding them, playing competitive game since the start, and every move is calculated to win over the codependent, while every move of the codependent is calculated to control, tame and keep the narcissist or, “work things out”.
The narcissist finds someone to adore them and the codependent finds something to adore and both fill their self acceptance until the transaction gets exhausted. In the exchange, the goods go to the narcissist and the craps to the codependent. If the codependent has a martir / victim complex and the narcissist has a sadist angle, this can go on for quite a while.
The codependent ends up asking how was it possible that all the goods where there and they weren’t able to take them, and regretting all they paid for nothing. The narcissist ends up annoyed at the codependent’s attempt at a “fair exchange”, but with a feeling of superiority over the codependent’s weakness and blindness.
After many rounds, codependents might understand the competitive games and start playing them themselves – switch to narcissim.
Marx got everything wrong. Or, he got human nature wrong, which is everything.
His system requires a very organized, mechanical structure where everyone can perform the same and get the same kind of rewards, where you can split the total revenues of the system and allocate them in man/hours – which would require that all hours cost the same, thus, all labors are the same. It would work if the world was an ant farm, and we were all plugged to a Ford style factory and each of us were perfectly replaceable, and if happiness for humans was only about belonging to a family.
So what happens when the factory runs badly, and 20% of the workers are doing most of the goods and the rest are sinking it?
Get 100 professionals with the same grades out of school, are they all equally good? if a carpenter does an excellent job in half a day, and another does a terrible job and it takes a week plus ruins the material, do they deserve the same kind of compensation? if we have ten singers and two are amazingly good and the rest are utter crap, do we love them all equally? how do you motivate the lesser performers, how do you push for higher quality, how do you incentivize the talent? do we take the tools from the expert chef and share them with all the ones who dont care about cooking? do we take the nets from the farmer that worked all year, and give them to the farmers who didnt work at all?
He didnt understand that getting the same kind of results no matter what you do is the worst demotivator ever.
The only thing worse than marxism is capitalism, because it’s in power. In theory, different business exchange capitals and the capital is moving and healthy. In the practice, the capital stays where it is and everyone else provides services. Feudalism. It’s like being in a monopoly game where the the board has been already purchased and built with hotels, and you need to keep rolling the dice and paying, and getting loans and kissing asses just to get by, or get expelled otherwise.
And democracy. Build a group made of ten experts and one hundred amateurs, give them a problem to solve and let them all vote. Good luck.
Good presence, online, on video, in front of public, etc. Good presence is lack of shame. Not just controlled shame but lack of it. There’s stuff to be controlled, sure. The language, timing, etc. Having shame to control robs you energy from delivering the message and having presence. So with all other things being equal, even if you cant get rid of the shame, as a performer you’re better off EXPRESSING your shame as part of the message and controlling what can be controlled in the message, instead of trying to control the shame, which will kill your presence and render the message null for most people.
In more cases than not what you think as shameful, your core self or whatever is there, will be embraced if you show it like it is. Or in the cases that it doesnt, as long as you dont retreat too much, if you stand there naked with the shame and the message, this thick skin starts to grow, because there’s nothing really to defend. The ones outside throwing you stones or denying you gratification and acceptance are their own, there’s space between you and them, that space is the “skin”. If you stand there long enough you see that space and how they cannot hurt you, so you take what you can to cater the message to them if that interests you.
And for the core shame, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you standing there and delivering a message. The shame in this situation is misplaced, it’s a misunderstanding, it’s a roleplay, it “shouldnt” be there but not like a monster that shouldnt exist, but like a piece of furniture that doesnt belong to a particular space.
I love this guy, raw, honest and in the moment. Plus he just killed a fat rapist jesus christ impersonator. Doing the “right thing” with no shame and no remorse.
The stereotype she talks about is actually an apex fallacy: high status men, or in the eyes of women, “real men” apologize less, or dont apologize at all, in contrast to the majority of men who apologize all the time, specially to women.
The rest of the video is bogus because it’s based on “self reported”, or in other words, biased data.
“Could this be applied to male/female relationships?
For instance, someone married to a Sigma, Alpha or high Beta gets in a fight with them. He will not apologize, for nothing. Or, she is wrong and he simply will not give in until she apologizes, publically, repeatedly.
I am just wondering if for those who are just understanding all this, maybe this has applications in marriage as well.
I can tell you, I have seen gammas’ fight with their wives and everyone is disgusted. You kind of get the feeling that even the wife wishes he would stand the heck up to her.”
Alpha can apologize if he’s wrong. But wont apologize as a way to avoid conflict or release the tension.
Beta’s strategy is to apologize always even if he doesn’t know what’s going on. He can’t handle pressure or tension, so he gives in first. Actually “giving in” is what he brings to the table.
Alpha accepts apologies when it’s due, and accepts submission always. The offending party doesn’t need to know what they did wrong as long as they concede the lead and get out of the way.
In more detail:
“Could this be applied to male/female relationships? For instance, someone married to a Sigma, Alpha or high Beta gets in a fight with them. He will not apologize, for nothing.”
What usually happens is that the woman is trying to dominate the husband, and wants him to apologize as a way to get him to concede power. It’s not that the Alpha wont apologize for nothing, it’s that he won’t apologize as long as he thinks he did nothing wrong, and / or as long apologizing means submission.
And then you have narcissists, of both genders and all over the spectrum, who truly think they did nothing wrong and will only apologize when they are already on their knees and it’s too late, and not because they think they did anything wrong but because they see that apologizing is the only way to keep their narcissist supply, eg, salvage the relationship so they can keep on the abuse… but that’s a separate subject.
“Or, she is wrong and he simply will not give in until she apologizes, publically, repeatedly.”
This sounds more like humiliation. See. A real alpha… not just a dude who’s seating on the throne but doesn’t incarnate the archetype… a “real” alpha is above you but is leading the way and provisioning so you can follow his same steps – leading by example. Will kick your ass and call you out when you do wrong. And demand submissiveness when you attempt to put him down. But it’s not about humiliation. It’s not about hurting you. It’s the same mold as when you have kids and they misbehave. You don’t correct them and set strict rules and call them out because you want to destroy them, but because it’s your responsibility to do so.
Addicted to the adrenaline of doing dangerous stuff, pushing the limits, reaching levels of skill that are only available to some, becoming the best among the best of the best. The videos say “people” but it’s really “men”.
Men are awesome. Even if you dont hear this often enough.
If you send vague texts, you not only avoid rejection, but also avoid putting the girl on the spot.
Girls like to avoid any responsibility and accountability when it comes to hooking up and courtship. Girls also prefer indirect or contextualized communication, or, “hints” instead of direct overt communication. Plus girls prefer when the magic “just happens” (which usually means someone else is doing the work to make them happen, but that’s a different subject). And girls want to be swept off their feet, and girls want dominant men and dont want to be asked for approval or instructions – or in other words a man who can give them what they want, without having to ask what is it. But whatever the case, they dont want to be put on the spot. Whatever happens, they dont want to be held responsible. They dont want to pay for it.
So if you call her and say “hey I met you last night I like you let’s go on a date” she has to respond yes or no immediately. She’s put on the spot.
If you text with imprecise invitations “sup” “hey [Im gonna] [watch a movie] [wanna come][with friends]?” there’s no spot, she has no accountability.
If you invite her to “hang around” which at the end of the night involves drinks, dance, and sex, for her all just happened in the spark of the moment. She didnt need to think of it, plan for it. She could have changed her mind in the middle of the “date”, there’s an ample ground for improvisation and being in the moment, because the situation is open ended. Its the realm of being in the now. Short, immediate satisfaction realm.
But if you tell her “hey we met last night, I like you let’s go on a date the two of us, grab a few drinks and then go back to your place and fuck”, she’s probably going to say no.
Covert, vague courtship works better than direct overt courtship.
Usually women excel at covert, vague communication while men suck at it.
If men are switching to vagueness and covert is because it increases their chances with women. Still, it’s not the preferred way of communication: most of us would rather just state, “hey, you and me, now”, and be done.
While girls thrive in the emotional uncertainty, as long as things just happen and they dont have to make hard choices.
If you have a segment of the population hanging themselves, do you fix the problem by making rope illegal?
If they are stabbing each other, do you fix the problem by hiding the knifes?
It’s not like your toddler found your guns and killed everyone. These killings dont happen by accident. They require intent, and planing, and desperation.
So address the intent, planning and desperation. What’s going on exactly? who’s doing the shootings? why? what do they have in common? how did they get into that situation? how many ticking bombs do we have? how can we find them, heal them, help them, or at least restrain them, before they go off?
They, the media, politicians, agenda people, are using the killings to fuel another debate, the gun control debate, which has its own merits but it’s unrelated to the killings, it’s not the cause of the killings, and wont stop the killings, simply because the tool is not responsible for the intent of using the tool. In other words, they dont seem to give a fuck about THIS problem.
Take out the guns and you’ll still see the killings, in the form of hand made bombs, fires, lethal gas, stabbings, and of course black market guns.
”When people feel entitled to something they dont generally feel like they have to earn it, and they generally dont go about trying to get it by tripping over themselves as being of service, or going to the edge of the world to impress someone, prove themselves to them, or even being noticed.
When you feel entitled to something you dont jump through hoops.
You expect those things to be handed to you for a little to no effort. Just for wanting them.”
* * *
The cure for nice guys is to actually feel entitled. To stop jumping through hoops.
Because girls are wired to feel aroused by strong, powerful, confident men who know what they want and how to get it.
And girls are wired to feel repulsed to weak, whiny, bitter guys who don’t know what they want or can’t get what they want.
So when the girl is softly courted by a guy below her who’s willing to do everything she wants just for a chance to be with her, read, “nice”, and she makes him jump through hoops for diversion, or to feel less lonely, or to have her ego validated, or to extract favors, time, attention, comfort from him, with no intention to pay back with sex or romantic interest… when the “nice” guy gets angry and frustrated and bumps those not so nice feelings into her… then she feels bad.
But the wiring, the repulsion is still there.
Why can’t he be more… manly? Why is that doing shit for her and taking care of her needs is not enough? Why change the deal now? Why so angry, so bitter, so pushy, so demanding, so unattractive? Why would such a limp dick get access to such a pristine vagina? Who does he think he is? Why so accusatory?
She feels bad, so she turns the table and makes him the bad person.
The irony of the video is that she is an engineer. She’s an actual engineer. But somehow she’s not doing engineering. She’s not designing circuits, machines, software, creating structures or solving complex physics problems. No.
1. I recently moved to Toronto from Qatar where I did my university and had a failed relationship which gave me a deep depression. I don’t have many friends here. I want to establish social proof, some pointers for keen newbie into social life (im socially very strong). Don’t know where to start though.
2. How should I maintain the alpha (chooser) frame and still approach attractive women (should I do that at all?). I don’t want to wait until I get a social circle before trying to get sex life handled.
3. How should I go about being the top dog of my group ? How should I bring this dominant frame into new friendships and friend circles? A few tips are appriciated. Does my height affect my chances here? Also, How should I address those who will not at any cost accept my will to be dominant?
4. Ever since I was young, I was your typical nice guy (to everyone). I had no boundaries. But observing others I always saw alpha traits, such as aloofness, will to power, non-pleasing attitude, calling out peoples shit, low to no smiling. At the time I scoffed at those ‘losers’ and thought they had no chance with women or success. I want to ask you if this alphaness is very widespread and it’s the betas (like I was) who are in the minority? It certainly seems this way. From my observation, most guys are not ‘nice guys’ or pushovers…so why the ‘red pill’…when most guys get it?
5. I believe, many of my problems could be solved with success with women as I suspect it brings an ego boost and contentment.
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I had some back and forth with N. and gained insight about his situation. He’s a good looking guy. He’s 22. He has dance skills. He has low socializing skills. He got an engineering degree due to peer pressure. He has a strong creative side. He’s got enough money on the bank to not worry about it for a few years. He pays for sex. He lives in a major / cool city. He has dreams but he’s scared of following them through. He anticipates failure.
There’s a lot to cut from and write about here, but it’s simple, really:
Even if it’s scary, cut the crap and the excuses.
Quit what doesnt make you happy. Cut the relationships that drag you down. Move to where nobody knows you if you have to. Find what you really like to do, find whatever is that brings energy and peace to your soul. There where your energy /passion wants to go. And do it. And keep doing it. And do it again, in an enviroment where you allow yourself to fail and the costs for being being so-so are sustainable. Allow yourself to get better. Gain skills. Connect and socialize everyone while you’re at this. Then bring it up a notch. Then another notch. Then another notch. Collect your homeruns. Exchange what you have for what you want from the outside world. And keep going up. Till you die.
Got it? It’s simple.
It really is.
And there are a million strategies and angles and approaches for every step and we can talk the minuta and every little shadow for-ever. But this is it:
Quit the crap and do what makes you happy.
Good?
Now less address N’s points one by one.
1. I recently moved to Toronto from Qatar where I did my university and had a failed relationship which gave me a deep depression. I don’t have many friends here. I want to establish social proof, some pointers for keen newbie into social life (im socially very strong). Don’t know where to start though.
Is that city where you want to be? if not, move where you want to be. If for some reason you can’t, move to the closest proxy.
Find friends by commonalities.
For this you have to know what is important to you and where your pack of dogs is. You have to be where you belong. The easiest / more direct way to find this tribe is to follow your passion. Are you doing what you want to be doing? no? then quit and go do what you want to do. Go where your energy wants to be, and you’ll find people similar to you.
Or otherwise get stuck where you dont want to be and find people who are as stuck as you are. Not fun.
2. How should I maintain the alpha (chooser) frame and still approach attractive women (should I do that at all?). I don’t want to wait until I get a social circle before trying to get sex life handled.
You maintain the alpha/chooser frame by being a chooser alpha.
To be the alpha you need a social circle or a context where you’re the alpha, and to be the chooser you need to have options – you need to be actually choosing. There’s no faking this.
The chooser alpha frame involves being confident, dominant, self reassured – and needing less from the interaction than the other people you’re interacting with. Needing less also means being more honest: you give less of a fuck of the consequences so you can display true, often brutal sincerity. But since you also give less of a fuck, you give a fuck about that too, so you’re probably just going to tease and have fun in whatever terms suit you.
Bottom line is you are asking for a frame that is defined by how you interact with other people. So you need a social group to interact with in order to operate from that frame, and all of it must be real if you want to maintain it.
And yes, while you’re at it do interact with everyone, but chase no one.
3. How should I go about being the top dog of my group ? How should I bring this dominant frame into new friendships and friend circles? A few tips are appriciated. Does my height affect my chances here? Also, How should I address those who will not at any cost accept my will to be dominant?
Ah, dominance.
Dominance, confidence… being the rock. People vote for president, you know. People want a stronger figure to rely on. A father a leader an icon a God.
This is not about the little you making people, forcing people to accept “you”. This is not about being ”domineering” or controlling… controlling out of fear instead of out of confidence, which isnt attractive to anybody other than people who are in sync with such petty emotions – people you really dont want to have around.
This is, dominance, leadership, power and responsibility. Being the man, the boss, the rock, the cool guy.
Dominance is about your will being strong, and wide enough, so you can carry other people and take them to destination. Your destination. Dominance means your initiative is sharper and better and more fit. That your way is the best way. That you find the path of least resistance and you have the weight to see it go through, so they can follow you.
Dominance means you’re stronger, clearer, more focused, that you know your own word and what you mean, that you know where you want to go and have the will to go there, that you know what’s best, that you have the balls to push through and the character to acknowledge when things go off and mistakes, when they happen, and the skills to rectify the course if needed.
This is not about imposing or “forcing” your will on others, nor about being accepted. This is about having a better, stronger, more structured, more attractive will, a way to do things that puts other people at ease, relieved that you’re around, and make them want to be led. By you.
Does your height play a part here? yes, but not really.
4. Ever since I was young, I was your typical nice guy (to everyone). I had no boundaries. But observing others I always saw alpha traits, such as aloofness, will to power, non-pleasing attitude, calling out peoples shit, low to no smiling. At the time I scoffed at those ‘losers’ and thought they had no chance with women or success. I want to ask you if this alphaness is very widespread and it’s the betas (like I was) who are in the minority? It certainly seems this way. From my observation, most guys are not ‘nice guys’ or pushovers…so why the ‘red pill’…when most guys get it?
The desire for alpha is widespread.
It’s in all of us. Then we compete, rank ourselves, form a pecking order. There’s no escape from this and this its why so important that you both follow your passion and find the proper pack of dogs to belong to – even if it’s the lone dog pack. There’s no escape from this. Got it? you will be ranked and judged and you’ll have to work your ass off to the point it will often feel unbearable. There will always be a ladder. So make it easier for yourself. Do all of that where you’re also getting personal pleasure from the experience. The pleasure will give you an incentive to work harder and peck like there was no tomorrow: it will give you extra fuel to climb. Extra power. Extra fuel to develop alpha.
There where you have passion you have a favorable handicap. Take it. Everywhere else the cards are stacked against you in the long run, even if other paths look easier / safer when the game starts.
So yeah. Most guys when young have what it takes to be alpha. Give them a few years though. Check where your friends are now. Check where they are after 10 years. You’ll find by the time adulthood comes it was all smoke and mirrors. The system will break them. Only the already dysfunctional ones will keep the alphaness, for a while longer, due to they being less adjusted to the system. The functional ones will either bend and break or endure and become real alphas.
And there are just a few of those. So called real-men.
Regardless of the path you take you can always go back and regain it, or you can grow it where you had none. We all have the pieces. You have to decide where you want to go, what is your true call so to speak, and go there.
5. I believe, many of my problems could be solved with success with women as I suspect it brings an ego boost and contentment.
Hah. Wrong.
What you really mean is that you dont approve yourself, that your ego is broken, that you don’t know how to content yourself… and thus you “need” external juice, validation and support to even function at your normal potential. You think success (being desired, wanted, chased, adored, fucked) with women will give you what you lack, but in truth it is what you lack which is preventing you from having “success”, with women and anything else.
Love / acceptance / desire or, “success” with women is conditional love. In order to get that love you need to meet the conditions. You have to possess and give them what they want, in order for you to get what you want from them. It’s an exchange. Makes sense?
Women, other people. external sources are not going to give YOU the goods that you need to bring to the exchange. Or, a healthy ego, contentment, manliness and confidence, your special kind of charm and shine, that mix is what you bring to the exchange. It is what makes them desire you, it’s not what you get from the exchange.
You’re asking for value, for validation, when value and validation are what you must bring to the table.
Those are not the things that you take, but the things you give.
I call the phenomenon I want to describe a “law” because it seems to be a fundamental principle of human mental functioning, an in-built assumption that if I am feeling bad, then someone or something is causing me to feel that way. In other words, we attribute a cause-and-effect relationship between the way we are feeling and the actions of people around us. Sometimes this attribution may be accurate — Your continual criticisms are causing me to feel terrible — but on other occasions, it may be false: The way you chew your food is driving me crazy! In the latter case, I am probably feeling irritable, tired and grouchy; rather than recognizing that I feel the way I do because I didn’t get enough sleep last night or because work today was highly stressly, I falsely account for those feelings by attributing them to you and your irksome way of chewing.
—–
I´ll bring it up a notch.
In emotionally underdeveloped people, which happen to be the most of us, when the feelings of pain arise, other people / situations are not just framed as the source, they are framed as causing those feelings on purpose.
Not just, how do you dare to be the source of my pain, but, how do you dare to do this to me intentionally.
And this is the craddle for a bunch of other sub frames, because if YOU are making ME feel this way on purpose, you’re an aggressor, Im the victim, this is unfair, I have done nothing to cause this, you’re evil, why are you hurting me so much? God – why do you permit this? you must disappear, I will have to kill / squeeze / punish you, etc to make things even. So the frame fights back. Depending on the disorder it would go for a full frontal confrontation, or a passive aggressive one, a dramatic opera one, a slow burn revenge, a soft talk, etc on top of that mis-frame.
You would see this person, the person feeling hurt, react out of “nowhere”, switch, change, act out, fully convinced that something is going on, and that you know what’s going on. Playing an old game. One so primary you cant talk them out of.
Im sure it rings a bell?
So. I’ve thought long about this subject in the past and wrote a few times about it, as you can see in my posts fear and the snake, feminist debate style, and my story with HUS. I first saw the behavior in my mom and some female members of my family, accusing me and other kids of doing evil stuff on purpose – which led me to develop a counter game where I would stick around for hours trying to rectify the misunderstanding (you can bet in subsequent years I’ve found girls who would replay that game with me… fun times, let’s not repeat that anytime soon). So my counter game was a codependent one, and depending on many factors I could have gone borderline-personality, full fledged narcissist, doormat, or even mirror the game: how you dare mom, you’re making me feel horrible on purpose! you’re not the victim, I AM the victim! let’s see who bends first.
Which sounds like a lesbian fight, doesn’t it.
I’ve seen the behavior everywhere, mostly in women and gay guys, probably because men are not supposed to be this emotional, but, for sure, we’re able to feel it, all the unfairness and conflating accusatory shit (hint, MRA), and for a while, before I learned to check for this stuff in myself thanks to therawness and gettinbetter, I thought this to be a natural part of the feminine psyche – heck, all girls are like that, deal with it! – but this isnt worth dealing with. This is not part of the feminine psyche but just plain, simple, down to earth stupidity. And luckily not everyone is like that, and the less we let it pass, the less we groom it, the better.
It is, however, an integral part of feminism - where everything bad that happens to women not just happens but is done to them, on purpose, and men are to pay. It’s also part of the marxism where poor people exist only thanks to the rich evil motherfuckers. Im sure it’s part of many other *isms. Ideologies are built by people. Most people are sick in some way and build their biases and patterns into their ideologies. Then other people identify themselves with the patterns and take on the ideology. And it’s a whole sicko party.
To be emotionally healthy you must, among other things, be able to separate your own feelings from the source, and to separate the source from the intentions / mechanics of the source.
You need to identify the three parts. Feelings, source, and intentions, and to respond to each one with the right measure.
And this doesnt constrain to the negative side of emotions only. If you dont separate all three things, when good shit happens you conflate them and “think” you deserve / it was meant to be / put up on a pedestal / perfection / you idealize. And when bad shit happens you push down / victim & aggressor / fight back / you degrade.
When you’re emotionally stupid you go from pleasure to pain exchanging frames of idealization and degrading.
My name is Yohami.
Im a Singer/Songwriter.
Im on my way to have fun. 
