21 Feb 2012, Posted by yohami in inner game,politics,thoughts, 33 Comments.

“Be yourself” doesnt work? let´s get deeper.

“Be yourself” doesnt work?

Just add Alpha. Add sugar. Be your Alpha self.

But let´s get deeper.

If you´re trying the “be yourself” just to find such self isnt appreciated, and that you´re only appreciated when you bend yourself into what the world wants you to be, which is not “you”… what´s going on?

Here´s the news. You dont have a value.

As long as we talk in terms of appreciation, money, success, respect, etc, you dont have a value. Being yourself is no strategy to gain value, on its own.

Value, as a constructed thing, needs two. Needs a product and a consumer. The product screams “value”, but ultimately value is in the eye of the consumer.

Just like the price for an iphone on the middle of the ant-farm world is zero. Or just like the value of a great violinist drastically changes whether he´s playing on a subway or if he´s playing a solo act on an expensive theater. In short, who are you playing for? your audience determines your value.

But let´s get deeper.

We´ve got cards. Resources. Genes. Abilities. Stuff. How do you feel about what you´ve got, when the audience is gone? when there´s no one to pay for your stuff, when no external value and no exchange is happening… what´s left? who is you? when you stop all the games and trades and rules and stay in that moment, in silence. What´s there?

Feel happy? feel empty? feel content? anxious? do you have energy to spare or a hole that needs energy? are you self motivated and centered on your own happiness, or is it a chase? are you enough? who are you for yourself? are you, right there, playing violin on a subway on your mind, or playing on an expensive theater? notice that you´re not doing anything. But how do you FEEL and what do you PERCEIVE your value is?

That´s your inner value.

And when you stop playing games to please and comfort, when you stop all the tradings, schemas and masks… that´s your self.

And no matter how you feel about it you´re sitting on a pile of gold. We all are.

But let´s get deeper.

So you are sitting on a pile of gold. Your flesh your muscles your thoughts your abilities your… you. Your strategy, your social strategy, your survival strategy, is to exchange “you” for the stuff outside of you that you want.

And your true value, the market value, is defined by that transaction. And the value of what you get is also defined by that transaction.

Picture quickly, the value of getting the girl of your dreams in exchange of your sexual orientation. The value of getting the best food in the world in exchange of your ability to taste. The value of getting money in exchange of your freedom to spend it. And so on.

The winning strategy, like in any business, is to get more for less. More money for less work, more peace for less war, more love for less stress, more power for less conflict, etc.

And the key to do that is to maximize your market value.

So how? how do you that? Let´s summarize so far:

A) You´re a spiritual being. You´re an animal. You didnt come here to play games. You didnt come here to submit and follow and get lost in a market of values that doesnt give a fuck about “you”, but its only interested on you in terms of what they can get from you, to keep some abstract and ultimately nonsense, impersonal machine running. You came here to be you. This moment is the celebration of you. And it´s only happening once. Wasting it is a shame.

B) You want stuff. You value stuff outside of you. Even if you keep quiet, celebrating that oh so shiny moment of you, you want the exchange, you NEED the exchange. Its not so much about just needing other people, but needing to be part of that impersonal and macabre machine somehow, and play the part that “you” were meant to play on it. Because its a game. And games are fun… but not just that. You need the machine, because the machine is also you.

C) The machine still doesnt give a fuck about you. Unless you give the machine what the machine wants. The market doesnt give a fuck about you, that oh so special and shiny and real and true you. Because the machine, the market, the outside world, has its own self, its own needs, its own otherness, its own value, and it only cares about you in terms of what you have to offer.

D) Hey. Just reverse that, and that´s exactly how you view the machine and the market as well. You dont care, you dont give a fuck other than what the market has to offer you. You´re as selfish as you accuse the machine to be. You truly, honestly dont give a fuck, about other than the stuff you already give a fuck about. You are, after all, the machine. At least you are, for anyone who´s not you.

E) You´re on par on this game. You are the market.

If I had to state the strategy quickly, it goes like this: only proceed on transactions that are favorable on your own terms. That´s your succinct recipe for success and happiness.

But let´s get deeper.

How do you do this stuff? what´s the winning strategy? how do you turn your inner value, or your inner sense of self, your goods, cards, genes, your imagined pile of gold and your expensive theater where you play the solo act… how do you make that real?

Let´s start on the easy, stating how you do not.

The worst move is to sacrifice your own self in exchange of any kind of goods.

And even worse if such goods are the imaginary kind, like, the kind of goods that are supposedly going to make you feel better for having sacrificed yourself.

The “dont be yourself”, AKA fake, pua, beta, doormats, lostsoul camps fall here. You want something from the machine, love, acceptance, money, happiness, you name it. So you price yourself at zero, and give everything, in exchange of what you wanted, or at least some of it. Then wonder why you cant taste flavors anymore, why what you wanted doesnt fulfill you, etc. Like working 20 hours a day in exchange of 15 days of vacations a year. Go and really think that one. Like accepting anal rape in exchange of the medication you need to tolerate even more rape, plus some papers measuring how good of a taker you are.

Just dont. I´ll say it again. Dont. If you´re on that path, quit already.

So, when we come to this world it becomes quickly apparent, unless we´re either lucky or nurtured into an already tested mold of success and value, that our real core and persona have no value, and that the market wants something else. We get celebrated, punished, molded, into what the market wants. We learn what works our should. At best, we incorporate it. At worst, we fake it. At even worse, we fake it and then believe on it.

But even the lucky ones feel it. Every child star, athlete, successful people, even they feel it. Even if they´ve got it easy from the start, they feel it. They are worthless: their real persona has no value. Their market value depends on what the market wants. The actor would be nowhere without his physique, the tennis player would be nowhere without his trophies, the hot girl would be nowhere without… etc. It´s all on the magazines, on the buzz, on the superficial appreciation. Its all displayed and ranked on some ancient, pre-human state of things, its never about them. Its about the audience. And it all can be taken away.

And when you grow up and start discerning the market it becomes even more apparent. The market operates on face value. Appearances. Safety. Fear. Herd movements. Hunger. Primal stuff – powerful primal drives guided by simplistic, reductionist perceptions. Say. Flavor trumps substance.

The moth goes to the flame, doesnt it. It cant help it. It´s shiny.

So let´s go to the surface now. Enough of deep. Let´s tie it up:

Add sugar.

There´s a form of love, which might as well be the only “real” form of love, that is not about a transaction. Its a spiritual bridge that transmits information. All the truth. It´s a powerful force that barres your ego and everything you think you are and renders the whole universe to nothing, and makes you whole with it, and makes you heal and trascend and shiny happy in a pre-post-non human way. But if you are reading so far, this isnt what you are after, right?

Because wanting to get stuff from the world – wanting to know if your self is enough to get stuff from the world and how to do it is transactional.

So let´s skip love – true love.

How do you get stuff:

By giving them what they want. On your terms. And in exchange of what you want. On your terms. And I can say on your terms all day long, but it is, and will always be, about giving. Giving. Them. What. They. Want.

That´s how you get stuff.

Getting stuff is the business of giving.

Got the goods? deliver. Got ideas? ship them. Got skills? perform them. Whatever is what you´ve got, use it. Be your fucking self, on the market. Focus on giving, and if your value is high, the returns will be even higher.

And how do you maximize your value:

1) Start off your pile of gold. If you have problems dealing with who you are, if your perception of inner value is tampered with the perception of your market value, just cut it loose. If you find that “you” is nothing but an excuse, quit the excuse. Quit what you have to quit and burn what you have to burn. Destroy until what you have is whole, and you feel whole. Cut the fake until what you have is, indeed, you, and its shiny, or dark, or whatever is what is you. And from now on this is something you will never, ever betray. This is your compass now.

2) Find your market. Figure who your audience is. Figure who wants you, wants what you already have, figure who wants it the most, the very special (but hey, at the end of the day insignificant and value-less) snowflake of you, figure who benefits from it, who wants… fuck, who wants to PAY for what you already have. Find your market, find your tribe.

3) Figure how you stand up in the competition. Figure what you have to improve, figure the shape your inner-real self needs to adopt to cater to that market. This is not longer about “your self” (but dont worry, you´ll NEVER betray it) but about your presentation and how easy will YOUR market get you, and what´s your advantage over other people / products offering the same as you. Which are and will be many.

4) Cater the fuck out of them. Add sugar. Add color. Add shiny. And whatever you mold your shape into, make it as a way to make your true, real self even more apparent, even more accessible, and bigger, so you and your real self can grown and develop within. Expose that value. Push it over the top. Peacock it.

See, in Vox´s Hypergamouse comic, where the character is advised to “be himself” and he runs into a random girl stating he´s seen StarWars a hundred times… his fail aint assuming his real self. His fail is talking to THAT girl. Because he should be talking to a girl dressed as Princess Leia in a StarWars convention. His fail is not finding his market.

Got a steak? add salt and sell it to the carnivores.

Got icecream? add sugar and sell it to the fat people.

And put it in a nice package. At a price. And pass the voice.

While you can sell package / sugar / salt without an icecream or a steak on it – while you can fake what the market wants with no “you” or substance involved, the transaction will make you empty. Whavever you´ve got, that´s it. That´s your product. The truth. Then cater.

And there´s plenty of people hungry of you. Only waiting for a bridge to come over.

Whatever you´ve got, find your market. Cater to them. Compete, grow, and deliver.

That´s how you increase your market value.

That´s how you grow true to yourself.

20 Feb 2012, Posted by yohami in personal,politics,thoughts, 14 Comments.

You are “the one”

When you seek approval you put other people on a pedestal.

That pedestal is made of your own morals and ego.

The person you put on a pedestal is supposed to incarnate the ideal – your own. You project the ideal on a person so you can get the ideal´s approval, so you can approve (or disapprove) your own person. You feed on their love and punishment, you try harder, you try to do what´s good, or bad, or you rebel, all by yourself, against this imaginary thing.

You feed a fake system of values so you can be loved by a higher order.

Role play – identity masturbation.

But as it happens… this person has a moral / standards on their own. Actually, unlike your ideals, that person exists. And with that, there´s conflict.

Either they cant play the part properly -> you cant pedestalize them fully -> you cant get enough approval. OR.

They play the part properly -> you pedestalize them fully -> you get approval at the expense of living by THEIR moral standards, on the pretense these are your own.

…

Seeking approval / putting other people on your pedestal is as egoistical and sick as it gets. You might not be abusing other people, but you´re abusing yourself while pretending it´s them doing it. In short, dont.

You are the one. Yeah. Yourself.

Instead of finding external dummies to project your own values and then act as a follower for that fake herd, be your own pastor. And open your windows so you can relate to other people on their own terms – on their own realities – and in your own terms.

14 Feb 2012, Posted by yohami in politics,relationships, 2 Comments.

Take it apart for relationships and make it about jobs.

Take it apart for relationships and make it about jobs. People spend 25+ years “preparing” for and chasing the idea of a job. Only to hate that job when they get it. Then look for jobs again. Get the job. Hate the job and dream with retirement. Then hate retirement.

Not *everyone* of course.

To love your relationships and your job and have a happy life you have to know who you are and what you want. Grow boundaries and skills and what not. Like an athlete. But there´s no guarantee of anything, no rainbow at the other end, no promise.

The way to get there is to start on the rainbow and grow on the rainbow: not putting the reward in the future but in the present, starting like you´re already there, but, HERE. This is your future. And moving towards growth without conceding, or doing smart negotiations to increase what you already have / the happiness you can provide to yourself right now. Knowing where you go. Or at least knowing you dont know.

In the current schema of things, almost everyone is chasing something they will never get, because they dont have it right now. And right now is the answer.

10 Feb 2012, Posted by yohami in relationships,thoughts, 11 Comments.

The good, the bad, and the ugly

Just watch that video.

28 Jan 2012, Posted by yohami in politics,thoughts, 9 Comments.

The herd isnt the problem.

I joined a semi-religious sect (ontological coaching) for a couple of months a long while ago. It surprised me to see how regular people would question their lives and go deep and grow and reach for better, when they had the support of a herd. It didnt matter that such herd was ultimately misguided. Their belief would allow them to do “crazy” stuff and assimilate knowledge that would take years to be transmitted if you first had to take each one out of the herd, one at a time.

All because they felt safe. Because they were doing what everyone else was doing. All because they belonged.

So. Belonging to a herd puts you to sleep. The herd cant illuminate you. Illuminating yourself and owning your circumstances requires personal work and, ultimately, it breaks you apart from the herd. The herd mentality is the opposite of an illuminated mentality.

But, culture gets to you before you have any saying on whether you want it or not and all of its knowledge, myths, moral and common sense are given and taken as facts. Then you play along in order to be accepted, in exchange of the identity the herd provides. Thats the path of least resistance and how we enter this world. When we come here, we´re all sheeps.

And your herd can make you or break you, in the same way parents can make you or break you.

So, what the herd can, or could do, is to attempt to do things right instead of attempting them wrong.

I´d rather have a herd that teaches truth / responsibility / owning yourself / love / the value of being awaken and gives you tools, rather than a herd that intentionally sedates you, keeps you down, distracted, scared; a herd that pushes you in the right direction, rather than a herd that only pushes so they can have your milk.

Then when / if you do the personal work needed to own yourself, you may awake in a better place, instead of awakening so far from good you wish you didnt open your eyes in the first place.

In short, the sense of safety and [the natural instinct of] going along with the masses can be used for good, as long as the masses are going in a good direction, and as long as illuminating and owning yourself is encouraged rather than shamed upon.

The herd itself isnt the problem.

While Im here Im going to grow a herd. Changing the world for better is not task for individuals. Everyone is going to reach for better, when everyone else is doing it, too.

25 Jan 2012, Posted by yohami in personal, 39 Comments.

OK. I Am A Narcissist.

OK. I Am A Narcissist.

http://psychcentral.com/cgi-bin/narcissisticquiz.cgi

Authority: 7.00
Self-Sufficiency: 2.00
Superiority: 4.00
Exhibitionism: 4.00
Exploitativeness: 1.00
Vanity: 1.00
Entitlement: 2.00

Your Total:21
Between 12 and 15 is average.
Celebrities often score closer to 18.
Narcissists score over 20.
Because you scored 18 or higher, you may want to check out the symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder.

Sure, lets check these symptoms

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx36.htm

Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

I do have a grandiose sense of self-importance.

But its more of a responsibility thing. You know that spiderman saying. With great superpowers also comes great sex. Being in charge = being responsible = being important = having it big. Thats as clear as day.

What I dont do is take credit where its not due. So the “exaggerates achievements and talents” is bullcrap. As long as I have some air and some territory to piss on, Im fine.

Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

Im not preoccupied. I´ll make it happen.

Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

Im a freak if that´s what you mean. And I relate better to other freaks. Now if you want to call me special, thank you.

So its more about awareness and owning yourself and your decisions and looking / living outside of the norm – that makes me a freak, while the mainstream culture and wisdom resembles zombieland.

The value through association is another no-go. Mostly because all these so called special institutions / high status people are obviously beneath of me. If we get associated I AM THE ONE giving value. Alpha 101.

Requires excessive admiration

I dont require it, it just happens.

Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

Nah. You get what you pay for, or get what you deserve. I dont have a dick of gold. Its not made of gold, I swear. You can take your hand out of my pants now.

Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

Nah. Exploitment done by anyone on anyone, it pisses me off. Im more likely to be fighting these fuckers.

Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

If all the sacred empathy of the the universe circled around a powerful magical spot and suddenly materialized as a big holy huge thick and happy marvelous cock, that would be me. I love you.

Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

I forgot how it feels to “envy”. Not in my lexicon. I dont register it either.

Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

Errrr. You got me.

So whatever. Am I a Narcissist? if so Im all over the place. How come I dont have the nasty traits, yet I score 21? who do I think I am? how will our hero resolve this dilemma?

Anyway, take that test and share the results. Im curious.

15 Jan 2012, Posted by yohami in thoughts, 10 Comments.

Bias, testosterone and facial screening

Inspired by HUS

Look at these two faces and answer the following questions:

Who of these dudes has 10 kids more than the other?
Who has read 10 times more books?
Who has more street´s smarts?
Who is more in contact with his emotions?
Who would you trust to carry a gun?
Who do you think is better with finances?
Who is better with large groups of people?
Who would make a better chef?
Who would make a better business owner?
Who of these two dudes is a painter?
Who is a celebrity?
Who is more submissive?
Who has a better sense of duty?
Who is better at magic?
Who eats more?
Who cries more?
Who is more stable?
Who is more empathetic?
Who is healthier?
Who has more to prove?
Who is an established architect?
Who is better with his hands?
Who has a bigger cock?

Assuming your gut works like mine you´ve been zigzagging from left to right and back. I think this stuff is biological, a screening-bias that is mostly right every time.

Each of these dudes can be *attractive* but they play on different ladders and at different strengths. The dude on the left has a high testosterone, manly face. The dude at the right has the opposite. Each face carries with a set of N traits. They will be attractive to people screening for such traits, like characters in a casting for a movie.

The dude at the left is more manly and will prevail when nature is though, when there´s competition and strong hierarchies. The dude at the right is less manly, and will survive when mental gymnastics are required.

When things are rough natural selection is more important. Having a lot of offspring is important. Sex is more important. Gender and differentiation are more important. You can picture the dude on the left fucking, fighting, breeding, owning.

When there are tons of resources and the species are safe, natural selecion ceases to work, sex is less important, having offspring is less important. Conservation of resources / inertia is whats important. You can picture the guy on the right daydreaming, playing some supportive role.

Another thing involved here is horizontality and verticality.

We associate all things vertical with “higher order” things, spirituality, intellect etc. Long faces look wiser. Think of every elf-looking character ever.

Then we associate all things horizontal with “earth-mundane” things, body, eating, fucking, fighting, etc. Wide faces look more earthgrounded. Look at every troll-dwarf character ever.

The guy on the left could play either the criminal gang boss or the tough cop who chases him.

The guy on the right could play the detail-obsessed serial killer, or the shy reporter investigating the story.

And that ends our facial-traits recognition session for today.

12 Jan 2012, Posted by yohami in conversations,politics, 6 Comments.

No, women can’t live without men.

Say that again?: “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle”, “we dont need men”, “we only need men because the work they do on society”, “we only need the sperm”, “women can live without men” etc.

So, somehow men is the single thing women collectively worry about the most, think about the most, want the most, seem to need the most, but they can live without men?

Well, no, women can’t live without men. This view that women only need men because of the work they do on society / measuring the value of men because of the work / pleasure / value they do for women is bullshit of the highest caliber.

First, change “men” with “we dont need blacks, yellows, we dont need women, we dont need catholics, we dont need white people, we dont need the poor” and see what happens.

Second, if you dont see inner value in men as human beings, you dont deserve a man, nor deserve any of the fruits of the men´s hard work either.

Third, shut the fuck up.

Sex differentiation makes us complimentary. Men and women need each other and any of the sexes without the other would fuck up, become an unhealthy / imbalanced, and the species would die after a generation. Even if we could survive on artificial clonation (no women needed either) we would collapse: all of our instincts and mechanisms are prepared and differentiated for a system where each of the sexes have to exist – we need each other´s energy and interaction – we need the other so we can be ourselves, we cant strive or survive in isolation.

So shut up and go get a man. You know you need one.

03 Jan 2012, Posted by yohami in inner game,thoughts, 57 Comments.

Be yourself. Do what matters.

Be yourself. Do what matters.

These two are usually in conflict.

To indulge vs to control. Play vs work. Orientation vs constraints. Wishes vs whats possible. Wants vs price. Dream vs reality. True self vs whats expected of you.

Being yourself. Finding your inner truth. Feeling your true desires and expressing them. Releasing yourself out there. Treasuring what you value. Doing what pleases you. Adjusting your appearance to fit your own mood. Dancing like no body is watching. Perceiving the world from the lense of how it reacts to yourself. Letting the world do its thing. Lifestyle and spontaneity.

Doing what matters. Finding what works and what doesnt. Gathering techniques and skills to defeat and conquer. Gaining dominance out there. Conquering. Doing what´s right. Doing what you have to do because there´s no other choice. Dressing the t-shirt of your cause. Getting associated with similarly goal oriented pals. One for the team. Hard work and rewards.

Being yourself is a feminine principle. Its self centered. It places the self above of the world.

Do what matters is a masculine principle. Its externally centered. It places the world above of the self.

A person focusing on being themselves loses sight of whats important. Loses sight of the consequences of their behavior. Loses sight of what they actually DO. Loses sight of cause and effect.

A person focusing on doing what matters loses sight of the self. Loses sight of their own happiness. Loses sight of what they actually WANT. Loses sight of their individual, core identity.

So.

Be yourself, do what matters.

When you find your inner truth, desires, likes, ambitions, focus on what matters. What matters out there. When you do what matters out there, focus on who you are.

Make every action a bold, irreversible statement. And then take in every experience as a bold, irreversible growth.

This is your marriage with the universe.

Go into the experience naked, with your true self. Do what matters, do whats real, do the work. Then let the experience change you.

Convey who you are in every action, and then become what you do.

As a man, the moment you channel the “be yourself and screw the world”, you slide into either alpha´s or omega´s frame. The moment you do what matters it clears out that distinction. The moment you embrace the self, is the moment what you do starts to matter.

As a woman, the moment you channel the “do what matters, screw how I feel” the world opens up with all kind of new treasures, offers and possibilities. The moment you do what matters, the moment your true self starts to shine.

So take this as a roadmap.

Be yourself. Do what matters.

Do what matters. Be yourself.

01 Jan 2012, Posted by yohami in music,personal, 5 Comments.

2012 Shameless Resolutions

2012 Shameless Resolutions.

Im reaching the end of a 2 year marmot period in which I´ve been pretty much locked down in my cave, glued to the computer, making money and spending it all on pro audio gear and instruments (which happen to be damn expensive). Only a few items left and Im thinking, what´s next?

This is what I want to get done this year.

1. Finish collecting nuts and buying pro audio gear.
2. Move to a bigger cave and build a pro studio room.
3. Record / mix my music.
4. Release at least one single.
5. Release at least one music video.
6. Release at least one original music-related videogame.
7. Reboot / relaunch YOHAMI TV with a “behind the music – Im soo damn deep AND funny” approach.
10. Code and launch this website.
11. Release a poetry book that makes everyone´s pants go down.
12. Go viral but remain virus-free.
14. Become worldwide famous / increase my influence.
15. Go back at performing / live gigs.
16. Re-acquire and hon my spiritual connection / bond with the world.
17. Build a real-life social circle of interesting people / collaborators / team.
18. Get sixpack abs!

That covers it. What´s in your list?

30 Dec 2011, Posted by yohami in relationships,thoughts, 22 Comments.

Relationships as a business

And this [click here!] is what I state I havent seen in the world.

Frankly, I havent even seen people aiming for that.

What I see is people facing relationships in terms of benefits. So the relationships are just means to get something. Its a business.

In business, the rule is that you get something valuable in exchange for something less valuable and thats how you make a profit. Thats how you make your happiness. Everything adds up to the price and you add your costs and margins all there. Then add some up percent so in the case the customer wants to negotiate, you can offer a discount while still making a margin. And since business are set in a marketplace, its a constant push pull with the prices going up and down and demand and competition and some business go bankrupt, just a few make it big and most just barely cover the costs.

The sex marketplace has the business model. Natural selection, hormones, competition, value, settling, switching. A great design by nature or whatever deity you decide to believe in. Awesome for evolution. How about relationships?

What I see out there is people treating their relationships with the business mentality.

People want the benefits associated with relationships, sex, company, love, family, stuff, getting their needs met. Avoiding loneliness and filling a void. In exchange of something. Its less about the relationship itself than its about all these aggregates. And each and every aggregate has a price point, a number.

Think of the shadows of gray here:

- I want to go to the game with you, I know you love that and I want to share it. Whats your fav team?

- OK… Im going to the game. But you have to come to see my concert. And learn the lyrics.

So that second line is great game right? most of the game stuff is about learning the business aspect of relationships. You can profit. I did. I do. But how about the relationship itself? beyond of the mutual exchange of benefits? Beyond the traffic of values?

What I see out there is that its never about the relationship itself, so it eventually deteriorates and becomes sick, but the parties dont want to quit it because of the pain of losing all these benefits. “Nobody to join me at the game/concert, and our shared assets, and I need the sex, I dont want to be alone, I dont want the change”. Or sometimes one of them just quits and steals all of the benefits, inducing bankrupcy in the other party.

You know that story.

So how many relationships out there without the business model?

I have never seen it. I want one though.

30 Dec 2011, Posted by yohami in relationships,thoughts, 20 Comments.

Here´s my depiction of a healthy relationship

Here´s my depiction of a healthy relationship.

He might have issues, but he becomes increasingly aware of them and fixes them.
She might have issues, but she becomes increasingly aware of them and fixes them.

He doesnt blame her for his issues, and he doesnt expect her to fix things when he makes a mess.
She doesnt blame him for her issues, and she doesnt expect him to fix things when she makes a mess.

He has a centered life and takes care of his fulfillment.
She has a centered life and takes care of her fulfillment.

He loves her. Almost unconditionally.
She loves him. Almost unconditionally.

He´s masculine.
She´s feminine.

He knows his strengths and weakness. He uses his strength to compensate for her weakness, and asks for help when he´s weak.
She knows her strengths and weakness. She uses her strength to compensate for his weakness, and asks for help when she´s weak.

He doesnt abuse the terms of the relationship.
She doesnt abuse the terms of the relationship.

His boundaries are healthy.
Her boundaries are healthy.

They share together more than they live on their own.

Their time together is mostly happy.

He supports her mission in life and is an indispensable part of it.
She supports his mission in life and is an indispensable part of it.

When everything else fails and life stinks, he has her. It brightens the world.
When everything else fails and life stinks, she has him. It brightens the world.

In poverty. In richness. In the bad. In the good. In the ups and downs.

When he loses his focus and wanders, she nurtures him so he can find himself again.
When she loses her focus and wanders, he supports her so she can find herself again.

He doesnt doubt her.
She doesnt doubt him.

He doesnt lie to her, ever.
She doesnt lie to him, ever.

He can get loose and relaxed around her in total trust.
She can get loose and relaxed around him in total trust.

He would jump on the fire to save her.
She would jump on the fire to save him.

Both would rather die than let the other burn, even if they could escape on their own.

If he fails and she succeeds, she stays with him.
If she fails and he succeeds, he stays with her.

What they share is bigger than each one apart.

They offer each other their true reflection. And with a look, they both are illuminated.

———————————-

So, I have never seen this. I dont even have seen people striving for it. The only “proof” I have that this is even possible is my inner desire for it.

29 Dec 2011, Posted by yohami in inner game,thoughts, 8 Comments.

Women’s natural role is to collect, preserve, filter, judge and nurture, from the pool of things given to them.

Women’s natural role is to collect, preserve, filter, judge and nurture, from the pool of things given to them.

A woman´s world is like a garden of treasures. Women´s mission is maintaining, growing that garden, to attract the wonders of the outside world, and, also defending that garden and its treasures from the unwanted.

This is something I think about often when comparing it to the man´s world, which is mostly out there, in the horizon, as a land to be conquered, where its all about mission, drive and abstraction. Men attack the tide and fail. Until the tide teaches them how. Then they master the tide.

But the point today is that:

Men adapt their behavior to master the tide. Men make the tide their bitch.

Women tame the tide to make it fit on the garden. Or they create a garden around the tide.

Men subjugate. Women possess. Men conquer. Women seduce.

And the point is:

Changing behavior to get different results is counter intuitive for women. Whats intuitive for them is “being” different to get different results.

And for men “being” different is counter intuitive. They want to know what should they do different, instead of how they should “be”. When lost, they cry: “what should I do? just tell me what I have to do!” instead of “I feel horrible, how should I be?” or “you are horrible, you should be different”

When its about behavior, women feel its everyone else who should change their behavior to give them the results they want. If she has to work hard = it will feel forced, it wont naturally happen, its not meant to be, it wont feel good. Wont be natural. Wont fit.

Even the women who are trained to work hard and achieve things, in their mind, they didnt get the rewards because of the work, but because they are “special” or “deserve it” as in the work is just an extension of who they are. And if things go bad “they dont deserve it” either. Its never about the actions but about the being, the personal. Like actions shouldnt matter.

While men value hard work, on its own, and evaluate the person on the basis on the work itself, and the amount of work and challenge make the whole thing worthier. Men appreciate when things happen against what was meant to be. For men things are more valuable when they are crafted, constructed, when something got forced and defeated and conquered. When something was owned against its original will. When nature was made surrender.

We live in such different worlds.

You can do yourself a service by acquiring both worlds. Switching from the compass to the square from the magic to the logic whenever it fits. Because both systems are “smart” within some boundaries, and incredibly stupid in others. One doesnt fit all.

For a man, its useful understanding how nature also works in the terms of “beings” and leaps and jumps in the vacuum and how the tide can love you, when it doesnt want to be forced.

And women would benefit from understanding the world in mechanical, logical, action based, impersonal terms. Because the universe is all of that, too.

29 Dec 2011, Posted by yohami in thoughts, 1 Comment.

Susan is doing it wrong

She was a single mom stripper. Then she got mixed with vampires. One night she disappeared. Nobody has seen her ever since. There´s a rumor she´s been running a blog from a cave in the bermudas triangle. Where ships and common sense disappear.

28 Dec 2011, Posted by yohami in conversations, 6 Comments.

Conversations with a malignant narcissist [2]

This post went private. Im figuring out what to do with it.

Check Ricky´s http://therawness.com/ in the meantime.

27 Dec 2011, Posted by yohami in politics,relationships,thoughts, 6 Comments.

When boys and girls fight, girls win.

Boys fight for hierarchy.
Girls fight for resources.

Boys fight for the leadership.
Girls fight for their survival.

For a boy, the bigger and more abstract the cause, the more he´ll sacrifice himself.
For a girl, the deeper and more personal the cause, the more she´ll sacrifice everyone other.

Boys fight to prove a point.
Girls fight to win.

Boys fight to reach out-there.
Girls fight to put it in-side.

When a weaker boy assumes defeat, he gets detained, disarmed, and then is freed to rejoin the tribe at a lower status.

When a weaker girl assumes defeat, she gets knocked down, humiliated, and then is marked for life so she cant rejoin the tribe, or is made a corpse for others to jump on top and to be feed on.

Boys fight their rivals.
Girls fight their enemies.

Boys positional and diverse. Ladders in a chain where every slot is needed, from top to bottom. Push it up, push it down. Rankings and measurement. Organized, mechanical, impersonal violence.

Girls life and death. Connections on a net which accumulates resources around the center, and expels the unwanted to the periphery. Pull it in, cut it out. Us vs them. Inclusion and exclusion. Chaotic, organic, targeted violence.

When boys and girls fight, girls win. Mostly because when boys and girls fight, boys still care.

27 Dec 2011, Posted by yohami in politics, 7 Comments.

I´ve got my own memes!

I´ve got my own memes! Seems like some folks really love to hate me. Check that out http://memegenerator.net/Yohami/images/new

Am I now famous or something?

25 Dec 2011, Posted by yohami in personal,relationships,thoughts, 11 Comments.

A girl goes into casual sex looking for a relationship?

A girl goes into casual sex looking for a relationship?

Short answer: bullshit.

Long answer, its true, but using “relationship” as a wide term that can be many things, half of which can be very toxic and wrong.

What you have to know is that if a girl is engaging in sex with you, she wants “more”. This “more” can be a happy ending monogamy where rainbows happen. Or it can be something totally different, dark twisted and abusive.

When you guys and girls come up with this crap that women go wanting relationships etc its like all the rainbows are included and heaven is just waiting to happen and that women are just powerless victims who should get what they want, because all they want is right.

Well, they are not victims, and there´s not a single reason why they should just get what they want, at every changing minute, when all they want is “more”. Hungry more. Usually bad-for-you more: want you to give more, you to work more, you to fulfill more – squeeze you more, until she wants more from someone else.

And a lot of the time what they want is not even good for themselves, and “more” doesnt mean there is anything at all for YOU to begin with.

Otherwise you could go and marry just any girl since they all want “relationships”. Right?

Well “relationship” aint a fucking holy grial.

There are hundreds of millions of people out there and you cant just do “relationship”, “company partner” nor “share property” with all of them. Bad for your health. You have to decide at which level / under which set of rules you are to interact with each one.

And theres NOTHING wrong with casual sex for either sex when done with honesty – just like theres NOTHING wrong with having superficial and mundane friends.

And while its ok to want more, no one is entitled to more.

17 Dec 2011, Posted by yohami in inner game, 3 Comments.

Hard work, suffering, crisis, loss, sacrifice, hard choices, pain – are unavoidable in the pursue of the goal.

Hard work, suffering, crisis, loss, sacrifice, hard choices, pain – are unavoidable in the pursue of the goal.

But it doesnt mean you have to be looking up for those things. Hard work is needed, but it doesnt mean hard work, on its own, has any value. Crisis make you change, pain can wake you up and drive you, but you´re better off without crisis or pain.

So accept all that stuff, because its there. If you´re going from A to B, pain and hard work and crap are somewhere in the middle. You´re going to suffer, you´re going to go through hard stuff.

But it doesnt matter.

Dont fight pain, dont fight crisis, instead, fight the source, solve the problem. Dont look up for pain, dont chase crisis, dont value hard work, dont get stuck in the middle. Instead, keep your eyes on the prize, and keep the pain present, but push it behind. Move towards pleasure, even if you have to go through pain.

What matters is how you handle stuff, what you get done, how smart are you at maximizing your returns, how clever are you at avoiding pain and solving problems so the crisis doesnt repeat again, how good are you at finding the path of least resistance, how much you grow over the problems instead of getting overcumbered by them. How you turn crap into skills. How you make easy what was once difficult. How you turn coals into diamonds, and lemons into profitable lemonade stands across the country. How you flip the page. How you collect.

So, pain will be there, hard work will be there. Embrace them. Then move forward.

10 Dec 2011, Posted by yohami in politics, 12 Comments.

Adam Kokesh is full of shit

Adam Kokesh is full of shit.

Men punch your face, women pull your hair. Men stab you in the heart, women backstab. Men enforce you into rules, women manipulate you into their whims. Men shoot, women poison. Men do physical power games, women do emotional ones.

Now, go ahead and elevate women. I guarantee the result isnt going to be more freedom, but a different form of oppression.