17 May 2012, Posted by yohami in conversations,inner game, 6 Comments.

Why do we have to go through all this?

Ted left this concern at Dogsquat´s

I think I have the concept of game well covered) how game works. It is using specific actions to trigger specific reactions from a woman. In a way, I see it as a social way of making a person’s leg twitch by hitting the kneecap with a rubber mallet. It is a reaction to a trigger. I don’t have any issue with understanding that. My issue is, why do we have to go through all this?

Collectively we will gravitate toward the lowest common denominator even though we have the capacity to be much more. Unless pushed, most people simply don’t care to improve. Yes, I get that the sky is blue and water is wet. But the sky and water do not have self awareness and intelligence to become something else. To simply state that something just “is” when it comes to female sexuality is completely removing intelligence and will from the equation.

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OK, let’s break it down.

[Game] is using specific actions to trigger specific reactions from a woman.

No. Social interaction is what you do to trigger specific reactions from people. Really think, sit and process that one. From the moment you open your mouth, greet people, say hi, hello, thanks, all your demeanor, all your public presence an interactions, are, exclusively, actions that trigger specific reactions on people.

If you’re kind to other people you expect kindness back. If you are abusive to other people, you expect them to respond as victims do. If you tell jokes, you expect laughs. If you are generous, you expect gratitude. Whenever you dont get what you EXPECT, you’re going to feel hurt. You’re going to feel that how the world treats you doesnt match what your inputting. Simply put, your ability to get disoriented and hurt exposes your selfish, self centered, manipulative, inner bitch.

Now, this is less manipulative if what you do and what you project is “really” what you feel and how you are, and you’re not doing it “because” you expect any specific return. But go ahead, and examine if you’re doing what you’re doing because that “is you”, or because you expect something in return. How to measure that? check the pain meter. The more hurt you are, the more you’re doing whatever you’re doing to get something in return.

So, no, game is not using specific actions to get specific reactions. Action / Reaction is just socialization.

Game is a map telling you which actions trigger which reactions and why. And you can use that to overwrite the non-functioning one.

My issue is, why do we have to go through all this?

We are intelligent creatures, totally and utterly capable of overriding our most basic and strongest biological urges

No we’re not.

We’re intelligent. Cough. Yes. But intelligence is only needed when there’s pain, and the use of intelligence requires a deliberate, problem solving approach – it requires acknowledge of pain AND having the responsibility to go find and fix the issue. So you’re only going to use your intelligence when you cant ignore/placate the pain AND you cant use someone else to figure it out. That’s just how it is. It’s called conservation of energy.

And then, intelligence is only at the service of your basic and strong biological urges. Intelligence only works when you’re in pain, remember? you cant override your pain with intelligence. Your pain is the fuel. You will think and problem solve and reach agreements and do whatever you can to survive. Surviving is not a rational drive. Actually, I´ll wait here while you look for a single example of any human being overriding their most basic and strongest biological urges.

We dont want intelligence. Dude. You dont want the intelligence to, say, handle x1000 the problems you can handle now. You dont want the intelligence to figure out every problem in the world and take on them. What you want is pleasure, comfort, fitness, and control. You need intelligence to handle the stuff that is preventing you from reaching that state, you need intelligence to find your way through, but you’re going to use your intelligence to make yourself happy, or make yourself comfortable in whatever situation you’re in and survive, and not the other way around. Intelligence is a tool. Once you reach your destiny, you’re going to relax and turn it off. As you should.

If we could not override our nature, no human alive would run into a burning building to save a stranger. No human would go to war for their country.

Why is it then that women dont go into the burning building to save male strangers, but men do?

Check Animal Planet. Animals do fight, go to war, protect their women and children, eggs, the colmena, animals live in war and put themselves second when needed, in order for their tribe to survive. Bottom line, this isnt a human, rational construct. Wars and society and firefighters and heroes are part of our animal imprint.

Actually, try to talk rationally to a soldier into NOT going into war. And you’ll get an emotional, not rational, response.

if we would simply stop rutting in our “nature” and rose above to become something better.

But this hits the nail.

Stop rutting our nature and become something better. On one hand, you despise your nature, you’re drowning in shame and self rejection, and cant find your way to accept yourself and other people, you find yourself as an outcast, and see our base nature as defectful. On the other hand, you think you can do “better”. Say, nature rigged this thing, but Ted has a better idea, and the idea is to add more intelligence (more problem solving) to the mix. So you’re in pain right? you’re in trouble. Who do you think it’s going to dictate what that “better” is? who do you think is going to lay the rules down so your intelligence can figure out a “better” human being? because all I can see is your pain, your very defectul, unfit and rejected biological nature…. full of pain… your inner manipulative bitchy beautiful monster, unwilling to use your own intelligence to solve the problem you’re in for yourself.

In other words, you want all of us, you want the world to change and overwrite the basic nature and use their intelligence to form bridges, because your own body is in pain, and you are unwilling to use your own intelligence to figure it out.

You want to conserve your energy and waste ours.

So go fuck yourself. And I love you, my friend, but fuck yourself already. Grow the fuck up.

THAT is the reason I keep looking for the why of it all.

I hope I provided.

Not because I don’t understand how it works, but because I simply cannot fathom why we all collectively don’t just wise up and change the rules. And this is also why I tend to feel that “people” suck.

People suck. I suck. You suck. We’re are horrible. But we’re cool and beautiful too. Carry your own mess and use your own intelligence – dive into your own pain and own your own hurts, stop being lazy now and use your own energy to figure this out, instead of asking everyone else and ringing the false high-road bell. Save laziness for the future. Procastinate laziness, save that for when you’ve made it. For when you’re good.

Own your own mess. And you´ll see it.

Collectively we will gravitate toward the lowest common denominator even though we have the capacity to be much more. Unless pushed, most people simply don’t care to improve.

You’ve got it. We tend to conservate energy. Unless there’s trouble, pain, conflict, why change? we can be “so much more” really translates to “we can be different”. But if when there’s no trouble, pain or conflict… what’s the point on being different? you hold on to that state. As you should.

Converting capacity / potential into factual, real goods takes work. Now ask yourself how much work do you want to put into reaching all your capacity and potential, while holding to the idea that this is just a “different” you, not necessarily “better”, because “better” is mostly defined by the external conditions. So how much work?

If you’re sane, the response is as much work as needed, but as little as possible.

For a lot of people whatever they are doing simply works. They manage to get to the end of the week and to the end of the month. That’s all it takes to hold on.

Yes, I get that the sky is blue and water is wet. But the sky and water do not have self awareness and intelligence to become something else. To simply state that something just “is” when it comes to female sexuality is completely removing intelligence and will from the equation.

You dont become something else because you’re aware. You become something else when you dont have other choice. Let’s say the sky and water had self awareness. What would you expect them to become? what’s wrong with the sky and water to begin with? what’s going to happen? sky + water 3.0 with a usb port? what for?

How is intelligence going to change masculine and feminine sexuality, when it’s not broken? if anything, intelligence is going to break it to fit your previously broken stuff, like feminism and some other religions have.

Stop putting this stuff outside.

What you’re doing is complaining that whatever you’re doing doesnt work, doesnt give you what you expected to receive in exchange of your behavior / manipulation, and you want other people to use their intelligence, or if they dont, at least blame your pain on them for not doing it, so you dont have to own your own pain, dont have to use your own intelligence, and dont have to change and become a different version of you.

You’re like a crying baby, except you’re in age to walking to the kitchen, open the fridge, and feed yourself.

13 May 2012, Posted by yohami in conversations,inner game,personal, 11 Comments.

Bro, Im still digesting this stuff

I wrote this at Rivelino’s

Bro, Im still digesting this stuff, but here’s the succint that explains where all of your problems come from: watch the video.

There are four pieces in play. Two people, one needing, other giving, one owning the frame, other reacting to the frame, one needing the other for survival, and an ambivalence that goes between “hey Im cute look at me!” and “fuck Im furious look at me”, and then the range of hate / love / sadness / despair / joy / safeness that happens between the two.

That circuit gets printed before we learn to talk = before we are able to form abstract and concepts. It’s a basic four piece, emotional / behavioral circuit.

There are many ways that circuit can be imprinted “wrong”. One is to have the mom (or dads) on the receiving end, making the kid the giver. Other is having him owning the frame. Other is to have the mom (or dads) respond only when the kid acts out. Other is making the kid act out and then silence him / punish him for it. Etc. Shortly, the kid understands the game and starts to play it.

And then you build everything on top.

Your experiences from ages 12-21, of course helped forming you, because you’re 35 now and this is a sum accumulative game. But honestly, what happened to you from 12-21, are the same mechanics that were already happening, only adding more external world influence, sex drive, and additional pressures.

Im trying to locate the source of the pain, and is this: like a compass or a geometrical piece that wants to find equilibrium, the pain wants to find the “good” again (from the good the bad and the ugly), but it only knows to reach that “good” by balancing violently between the bad and the ugly and episodes of rage and if that doesnt work, splitting / self mutilation ( cutting out the undesired parts of you, your past, identity, emotions, people, relationships, blocking stuff out, etc)

It’s a constant look out for the elusive “good” part of the dynamic.

Then BPD and narcissim, codependency etc: when this stuff get’s bad imprinted, it’s like the foundation of the building isnt strong enough, so the building cant grow normal. Like a bonsai or something. The learned game doesnt “work” so it keeps trying, its an internal struggle that never resolves. Like the rat that pushes the lever once and again and gets rewards randomly ( the basis of compulsive behavior / addiction ). Plus the whole identity gets build on top of it.

BPD narcissim etc equals having the emotional growth of a three year old or so. You get stuck to the mechanics that quite dont work ( yet are the only you know ) and miss the mechanics that you would have developed in the subsequent years.

Say, if you knew how to get to the good part, and how to get to the bad and ugly part on your own, with control over your emotions, by the time sexuality peaked, age 12, you would have had natural “game”, and you would have been assertive about your needs and wants.

But you werent confident / self reassured about your needs and wants, because you were still negotiating how to even feel “good” and safe, so you didnt develop game nor saw girls / relationships for what they were – but you just added this to the previous unresolved mix, like, seeking the “good” (basic, maternal, paternal love where you’re defenseless and you’re intimally loved and taken care of and safe) from girls, mixing the defenseless and the sexual aggressive drive and the long time affection longing and the sense of dispair of never feeling safe, etc. and, adding the ugly and acting out and resenting the “big provider” for being such a manipulator, and whatever other mechanisms you needed to stabilize the original game, being a control freak, or being a doormat, or placing your needs last, or placing them first, exercising too much pressure (abusing), or letting yourself be abused, attaching too strongly, or refusing to attach at all, the places you had to go or the places you were forbidden to go, or whatever, whatever you had to learn and repeat so you could have access to the good part, or could live at all if the good part never came.

And then add years and years of rationalization that attempted to normalize this so you could do other stuff, have friends, work, study, have a life.

The idea seems to be that people are stuck on an emotional development age. It explains a hell of a lot for me.

Then of course, when you “click” with somebody, it’s your internal game, the primal game what clicks. You see the opportunity to play the game and win it this time. Whatever that game is, whatever the imprint is, “that” is what is going to repeat. You’re going to repeat what already happened, because you’re still playing that game, and you’re asking around who wants to play it with you.

12 May 2012, Posted by yohami in inner game,personal, 4 Comments.

If you’re broken you can’t be happy.

If you’re broken you can’t be happy.

I

Fill a broken cup and it’s gonna be drained before you even get to taste it, even though you paid its full price. Pay for a refill and that one, again, is going to be emptied before it touches your lips.

As long as you’re broken, no matter what you do, what you achieve, how much work you put into; you’ll be paying the full price and successive refills, once and again, to get only a fraction.

II

The temptation is to keep working on avoiding the pain, filling the void, reaching a spot of stability on turbulent waters, reaching a new peak of glory, finding salvation, holding to something that makes you make sense… while running away from the darkness, running away from the pain, from the unwanted, from the hurt.

The temptation is to find comfort in pleasure while in you’re in pain, or, to heal the void by filling the void.

But attempting to heal the void while filling the void won’t let you do either.

III

Healing your void involves feeling the pain to it’s root. Filling your void involves avoiding the pain.

The pain drives you to overcompensate and create a shiny illusion of yourself that balances all that darkness. While you’re driven, you spend that energy on the false self to get goods that validate that false self. But the cup is broken. When the energy runs out, the false self dissolves and you fall back to the darkness, even hungrier.

So you can’t push in both directions. Can’t heal the darkness while avoiding it. Can’t heal the pain while getting aids for the pain.

IV

The pain will heal when you stop resisting and allow yourself to feel it.

When you do, that will expose the wound. Once the wound is finally exposed, it’s gonna be infected, due the long time neglect and all the stuff and mistakes that made it worse. But it will heal. Once the wound is part of your consciousness, it will heal, like any other wound in the body, because that’s what the body does. The body repairs itself, as long as the body can detect the wound and has enough energy & resources.

So when you do it, when you stop resisting and allow yourself to feel the pain and the wound gets exposed, all of that energy is liberated and the wound begins to heal, from the bottom up. Just like a broken bone or a cut in the flesh.

All the energy you were using to avoid feeling the pain is now used by your body to heal the wound.

And when that happens the pain concedes, it’s a transition. It’s a healing process. It takes time, but it’s done, for real.

V

Once the pain is felt and wound is healed, you’re not longer driven to avoid it, the pain is not pushing you all day long to do something to silence it. There’s not longer a void, which was created by you making walls to block and isolate parts of your self. There’s not longer a need for a false self to cover the dark self and no dark impulses and no shame and no guilt. There’s no dissociation. There’s no fracture. You’re one. And you, as one, are able to feel and experience everything at it’s full, non repressed intensity. You’re not longer numb, you’re not longer lost.

Which means, your compass gets back to working properly. Like it was before it got broken. Which means you can now trust your instincts, drives, desires and needs. Which means you can continue to grow and develop on top of it.

And all that energy, all that drive, all the energy that was repressed and lost in distractions, now you can use to do the stuff that really matters to you, and get the stuff that really matter to you.

The cup is not longer broken. Fill it, fill it baby.

And make yourself happy.

08 May 2012, Posted by yohami in personal,thoughts, 6 Comments.

But arent all girls like that?

If you havent stopped by the rawness lately or you dont know gettingbetter.com, make a room in your schedule and prepare to absorb these articles. This is going to do you much better than anything I can post here at the moment.

For once, while Im gaining understanding of my own emotional body and seeing more clearly what I’ve been doing and where I should go, I am ALSO gaining insight on differences between gender behavior and just plain craziness.

Check this out and you’ll see what I mean, from gettingbetter:

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‘TILL DEATH DO US PART
BPD and The Marriage Crucible

EDIT: Shari asked me to take down her post, so go read it here instead. Well worth your time.

05 May 2012, Posted by yohami in politics,thoughts, No Comments.

Everyone is wanting you to fail, except…

Great and succinct post from Roosh, to which I would add:

Everyone is wanting you to fail, except of the people who benefit from you winning. Those people NEED you to win.

Not that they necessarily share your goals, but everyone needs an icon. Something that represents something else they are invested in. In some cases that benefit is material, say, like in politics or religion. Or anything else involving money.

And not that they can give you advice either. If they do it’s probably going to be shitty advice. Advice should be taken, only, from people who A) have achieved what you want to achieve and B) want you to succeed.

A roadmap to success is to build a group of people who need you to win. A group of people who benefit from you making it. Be it because they believe, or because their share of the pie comes from yours.

If it’s not your dad nor your sisters, family and friends, well too bad. Fuck it. Leave and get a new circle. Form a new tribe.

02 May 2012, Posted by yohami in thoughts, 4 Comments.

The rationalization hamster is a magical creature.

When you lack logical rigurosity and the willingness to change your ideas to fit uncomfortable data and facts, magical thinking helps you wrap the unknown into beautiful lies that make you feel good.

The rationalization hamster is a magical creature.

30 Apr 2012, Posted by yohami in game, 2 Comments.

Video of the day: Aloofness

Everything you wanted to know about aloofness but were afraid to meow.

Video thanks to Koanic.

28 Apr 2012, Posted by yohami in thoughts, 1 Comment.

Video of the day: Choice

Good stuff there.

21 Apr 2012, Posted by yohami in conversations, 32 Comments.

Manliness: Harry Potter & The Hunger Games

The Last Psychiatrist usually has interesting insight on popular culture and movies. This is a mashup from my comments there:

I didnt read either book, I only watched the movies. That is, the Harry Potter movies and THG one. So take this with a grain of salt.

Manhood. Males compete and train and adhere to greatest principles. The underlying drive, always, is competition, to possess the higher force, the more fine tuned resource, the bigger cock, etc. To outlast, outperform, outsmart, dominate. To win.

A character is “manlier” when he decides, consistently, to defeat the environment, to prevail, to be stronger than, to amass power, to do the higher cause thing, etc. When he says “no” to forced circumstances and keeps pushing, against all odds, to make things his way. And this drive shines in absense of external encouragement – and often at expenses of it.

So. Harry doesnt defeat Voldemort. He goes to the forest because he doesnt want other people to die, and surrenders. The manly move would have been to go into the forest with either a plan or a bigger cock and kill the enemy. Instead, he recognizes Volermort’s bigger cock and offers himself to him. Voldemort only ends up dead because it’s a happy story. Harry’s cock didnt kill him, the story did.

Then, to make it even more unmanly, Harry is rewarded the hyper powerful bigger than the universe magical stick… and he gets rid of it. Harry doesnt want the power, doesnt want the supreme magic, doesnt want the trouble. All he wants is peace and stability and to grow a family and take his kids to school and the comfort and the familiar. He doesnt want to go further and push the envelope and take decisions that radically alter things, he doesnt want to grow into a legend, he wants to be normal, he wants the mundane.

He has “feminine” goals.

In nature, and in society, a man with such safe ambitions rarely can achieve them, because men do have to compete other men and rank higher on the men’s ladder to have a shot at reproduction and stability. Heck. When women – who primarily want stability and comfort and safety and to have stuff done and provided to them – are screening for partners, they usually pick the more dominant, higher ranked men in the group, the men who can actually risk themselves out there in the so dangerous world and win some prizes, so they can provide safety and stability for others.

So guys with the ambition of Harry Potter have NO chance to do the stuff Harry Potter does in the movies. Nor can inspire all that movement around them, nor the sympathy nor the loyalty nor the admiration.

But his story makes sense if he’s a girl. A magical, underage virginal girl that everyone wants to protect and is willing to die and kill for. A girl who has value because of who she is – a jewel, a symbol, an object – and not because of what she does. And at the end, after every other option has been exhausted, she “chooses” to sacrifice herself to avoid the suffering of the ones she loves. The ultimate sacrifice. She abandons her comfort, goes into the forest and let’s the dangerous, evil, powerful man have her. She totally surrenders to him. Yum. You bet she was turned on?

Now that’s a story that has been told SO many times.

Which brings us to Katniss.

“you would likely understand that Katniss chooses to lead a rebellion”

Im going out on a limp here and guess that when she “chooses” to “lead?” a rebellion, it’s pretty much the only thing she can do, like when she “chooses” to take her sister’s place or when she “chooses” to team with Peeta or when she “chooses” to shoot an arrow to some killer running towards her or when she “chooses” to cut some bee’s nest that was – so conveniently – at the reach of her hand.

While anything can be viewed as a “choice”, a real choice is when the externals are not pushing towards it as the “only, and only possibility, or else”. In this sense, Katniss doesnt make any choices on the movie. She doesnt stick to any decision. She reacts to the environment, she self-defends, taking what seems to be the best choice, which is usually presented in comparison to some other unfathomable choice, and the story takes charge, presenting her with the choices she has to make. And then she makes them.

She’s pretty much a stone carried by a grandiose wave.

She’s a leaf on a tsunami.

I still dont get why anyone would call her “badass” or strong. She did what she had to do. But her decisions werent her own. In a different story or context, she would have launched the Hiroshima bomb, or she would have sacrificed herself to the Hiroshima bomb, depending on what the story requested from her.

She’s no more badass than the avarage teenager.

If she had been born in the Capitol she would be hosting the Hunger Games herself. You know, to feed her family. And those fire dresses are expensive.

17 Apr 2012, Posted by yohami in inner game, No Comments.

When you drive the story you own your circumstances

When you drive the story you own your circumstances, you’re the cause, your decisions have long repercussions you have to deal with, the environment is your mirror, you have the power, you’re the active element, and you are either a hero, or a villain.

When the story drives you, when the story happens to you, the circumstances own you, the environment determines your decisions and channels your actions, you’re just the mirror of your environment, you dont have power, you’re a passive element, you’re a victim on the hands of either a responsible parent or an abuser.

17 Apr 2012, Posted by yohami in game, No Comments.

Video of the day – three simple rules.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBVuAGFcGKY

Video thanks to Good Luck Chuck.

02 Apr 2012, Posted by yohami in conversations,thoughts, 21 Comments.

What makes for hopeless omegadom?

Surfing Vox’s I found this jewel by anonymous:

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What about irrecoverable omegas? Betas could make it work. But irrecoverable omegas, who maybe are screwed by permanent reasons entirely beyond their control (and mental illness and personality disorders count!) cannot make it work no matter what. I think the Game community would help themselves if, instead of saying “Game works no matter what!” and then getting sniped at by haters who then cite irrecoverable omegas, Game advocates wisely countered with “Game works, except for omegas, who need to focus on [something else].”

Then the question becomes: what makes for hopeless omegadom?

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I was an omega myself. I know that question very well. What makes for hopeless omegadom?

Or, what can help you when you’re helpless? or, which medicine can cure you from an incurable, terminal sickness?

I

How about if you’re a stupid, awkward ugly fat unfunny bunny… who was running from home because nobody wanted you… and you were chasing a cute bunny who wanted to be your friend, but she got hit by a truck and is all splattered over the street now… and oh you also got hit by a truck while crossing the street… and your spine is broken… and you can barely move while a hungry cat comes around… oh he’s eating your legs now… and see that fly on your nose? its injecting you with larvae…. and a vulture just took your left eye, and your right one is kinda blurry… and bleeding… and you see that pink fluid around? the truck’s hit made a crack on your skull and half of your brain is spread all over the street…

What can help you now?

II

Some cultures like the Japanese do these over the top hopeless scenarios to make the heroic achievement bigger. The bunny would stand up and fight back ultimately defeat the truck and get the girl. That’s why I liked manga so much. Occident though, specially in movies, routinely makes the hero fail, and then an unexpected accident / miracle happens.

So what will make it for our bunny? heroism or magic?

Thing is, the bunny is already taking pride as a martyr.

III

What makes for hopeless omegadom?

Nothing, because of the “hopeless” there. The premise defeats the question. The more you feed it with answers, the more it will have to emphasize the hopelessness aspect to keep the outcome even.

The scenario is looking for a very particular flavor of pain. One that is both extreme and stable. It’s a worst case scenario, but also, one that can’t change. This means that nothing worse can happen, unless you attempt to repair it or to bring good stuff into it… because when there’s good stuff, all can go fucked up again. So good stuff = pain. But it’s also looking for validation, self victimization, transfer of blame: ego survival, in a fucked up sense.

In other words, every solution, every attempt to change the scenario just brings a challenge to make the problem more complex, to make the scenario meaner.

The more you bring help or solutions, the bigger the problem becomes.

What can heal you when you want to be sick?

Nothing. First you must want to be healthy.

IV

Usually a full dosis of pain and a complete failure is needed for that frame to change.

Death is needed. Say. The bunny just dies, and nobody gives a fuck because everyone is dancing at the party next door. Actually the bunny’s leather made it into a carpet and a pair of shoes: the bunny’s life and suffering and complete existence have no value.

If the ego return is cut. If the hopeless stop getting the “solutions”. If you stop feeding the machine, the machine usually collapses. With death, with lack of return, with lack of answers – chances are the mind will just let go of the hopeless scenario, because it didnt work.

And you might see the bunny suddenly standing up, growing a leg, picking up his brains and going home. Yeah the same bunny who couldnt walk.

You´re likely to see it again, ran over by a different truck at a different street tomorrow, though.

V

In order to give the omega a proper treatment, the premise has to change. The omega cant be “hopeless” anymore. And in the process, the omega identification itself will die. With so much pain, ego and death involved, you´ll see all sort of defense mechanisms here, even if you’re sorting this kind of stuff in yourself.

It’s easier to look away than it is to change what “it feels like death” to change.

The solution, at the end, is to get behind of the pain / shame / wants / identification drive and turn off that projector. Turn off that movie.

And look at what is really there.

————

Edit: a reader corrected me on the meaning of “what makes for”, turns out it means “what constitutes” instead of “what can be done for” … oh well.

31 Mar 2012, Posted by yohami in game,inner game,reader mail, 16 Comments.

Reader mail: How should I respond to a girl staring directly into my eyes?

HC asks me about eye contact:

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How should I respond to a girl staring directly into my eyes?

How should I respond to strangers?

———————————————————————————————————————————

First a frame change:

“they are trying to test my alpha-ness.”

It’s not a test.

It’s a taste.

She is “wondering” what’s your alphaness. She’s curious. She wants to find out more. If you frame it as a “test” then you’ll want to “perform and score”, like she’s your judge, placing her and her interests above of yours, and by doing so, your alphaness will be low, so her curiosity won’t be satiated, and your imaginary test will fail.

So she is staring at you with status curiosity, she’s tasting you. What should you do?

Look back at her with sexual curiosity. Taste her.

Try to figure just by looking, how ready is she to go fuck with you. Look for fertility cues, look at her facial expression. Measure if she would be a pleasant fuck, picture yourself with her. Is she a moaner? what’s her favorite position? is she good at it? what’s her number? would you do it in an elevator with her? How compatible are you? vibe her, smell her, like she’s a sexual flower.

She’ll know when you’re doing that. You pinged her back.

She´ll blush and look away, then look at you again, or she´ll keep staring at you with anticipation: Go and say hi.

Or she will keep an analytical stare and then break it – like she wants to be worked for: Hold it. She´ll come when you’re with another girl.

Or she will be disinterested, or you will, in which case, it doesnt matter.

But if you liked her and you’re curious, go and say hi, find out if she’s cool.

As simple as that.

27 Mar 2012, Posted by yohami in thoughts, 5 Comments.

Video of the day

Make your own ending.

21 Mar 2012, Posted by yohami in conversations,politics,relationships, 17 Comments.

Logic is misogynistic?

UMSLOPOGAAS writes an interesting post about what’s been going on recently. Here are my thoughts.

I

I’ve witnessed it a lot of times.

When the subject is emotional and threatening to a woman’s comfort, all the logic mechanics hurt her. It’s like, in her eyes, logic is an insidious snake-machine of pain that intends to force her where she doesnt want to go and reach her where she doesnt want to be touched. Like reasoning and plain logic are the ultimate form of manipulation. The fact that it’s done in a calm, structured way only makes it more threatening. It makes her visceral response stronger.

She’ll see the dissenting points as a personal attack and work until there’s nothing else but personal attacks on the plate. Once that point is reached, she hopes the tribe will come to rescue her and exterminate the foe.

This is only a real problem, though, when the woman with the issue is also in charge of the situation.

II

When an emotionally disturbed person is in charge of the situation, comply (obey), seduce (work the issue in non threatening, flattering emotional terms) or retreat (disengage) seem to be the only options. Consider this a screening test where their mind, agreement and involvement, or, in their views, “they themselves” are the prize.

When a calm / rational person is in charge of the situation, though, and the disturbed one randomly took offense and wants to engage, but cant take logic or reasoning, then there’s no need to chase this person down. They can retreat if the issue is too emotional for them, heal or whatever, then, eventually, they will come back and form bridges, because, well, the person in control is also the prize.

Let’s add male / female dynamics.

If the male is in charge / is the prize and a woman took random offense, and he doesnt chase her down nor tries to debate or force logic on her, but just keeps driving, that aloofness and lack of investment might be enough to reverse the emotional dynamics for her. And turn them in into attraction.

If she is in charge AND she’s taking random offense, a male working the issue “up” acts like a chase, and it only deepens whatever she felt disgusted about initially, while reinforcing the chase and the ladder where she’s actually the prize and the guy lacks any value – otherwise, why would he be so determined to put it in? cant he see she doesnt want it? – so it forms the opposite of attraction: repulsion.

And whenever you’re attempting “debate” with an unwilling party, you´re putting them in charge. The one chasing has less value than the one chased. Logical debate, in male / female dynamics, creates repulsion.

In short, this chase isnt worth it. Complying / seducing will destroy you. The scenario has already been rigged in win-lose fashion. Disengage.

III

Solvents and acids vs. the invasive structure.

The female’s response to unwanted male logic is to charge the debate with enough emotional content so logic ceases to work, so it’s structure crumbles to pieces, and then the whole thing can be absorbed, processed and digested. Think of what flies do with the food.

When you inject the female / male approaches in a debate, you’ll see the structures and the solvents. As long as the structures keep forming, new solvents and acids will be poured.

And forget about solving the real issues. It’s an unidirectional transfer of power. The fly is feeding.

IV

The transfer or power, which starts by holding down your weapons and taking in the other person’s position, wants and views, with the intention to mold an unified reality that considers all angles and reaches consensus, needs two entities that are open and willing to negotiate on hard, stressful, uncomfortable times.

Without two entities open to negotiate, debate means war.

Win-win seems to be more of a male skill. And we seem to do it to prevent war, and to create a collaborative, functional social machine. Rules, core, forces, agreements, like muscles and bones. And same for unified goals and objectives: lot’s of muscles, bones, rules, agreements, principles.

In comparison, women operate more like white cells or nerve terminations that create a collaborative sense of safety / danger awareness. When they perceive a threat, they go in alerted state / fight mode immediately, but one that involves more negative screaming and networking than it does karate moves. And same when they perceive something shiny / worthy / desirable. Lot’s of positive screaming and networking.

V

So. To sum this up, debate is possible when all the parties are open and willing. When male/female dynamics are involved, debate only makes sense when the male is in a position of power, but if he is, debate is unlikely because of that same dynamics.

As for the blogosphere, I decided to disengage whenever there’s a win/lose fight/alerted state. No more mud fights for me. Im avoiding all of it. Like UMSLO said, it’s good for my health.

As for my real life, Im in a position of power. As you should.

13 Mar 2012, Posted by yohami in politics, 24 Comments.

Hypergamy is threatening because

Hypergamy is threatening because it means that all women crave alphas, but that they do it in an utilitarian way. Which contradicts the pure / empathetic / all kinds of good / peaceful idealization of women.

Hypergamy at its core is the red pill.

That a woman cares about what she gets from you (emotions, stability, resources, offspring, status, stuff) more than she cares about “you”. And that the minute that what she gets from you changes for the worse, she´ll leave for a better / fitter / more useful / higher status man who can give her better stuff.

Hypergamy basically means that “love” is for women what lust is for men.

Its not a pretty light, and specially un-pretty when the thing is placed on a pedestal and is setting the rules for everything else.

12 Mar 2012, Posted by yohami in thoughts, No Comments.

Passion is your greatest love – and why you fail.

Related to what I wrote yesterday. Worth a watch.

11 Mar 2012, Posted by yohami in inner game,personal,thoughts, 20 Comments.

What are your chances of hitting a homerun?

Let’s say you have never played baseball, but you are in a situation where you will get a million dollars if you score a homerun, or get killed if you dont. And you only have one try.

You go in the field, grab the bat, breath, assume the position, the machine throws that unique ball at you, and you swing.

What are your chances of hitting a homerun?

I

See, sometimes it happens.

Sometimes someone hits that lucky homerun. And against all common sense they keep hitting one homerun after another, without really knowing how they are doing it. We call these the prodigies, the miracles, the naturals. The media and eventually the history fills us with these stories. Mozart, the Beatles, Einstein. It’s a compelling story: some people just have it.

And sometimes when pushed against the unfathomable, in do-or-die situations, when all the bridges have been burned, an unlikely prodigy awakens. David defeats Goliath, four musketeers defeat an army, a gladiator becomes king, a kiddo with two karate moves grabs the title and the girl.

Lucky strikes happen. Miracles happen. Material for movies.

Highly inspirational stuff that makes you “believe”.

Which is bullshit.

II

The win / lose, success or die, go big or go home, prodigy / miracle / luck frame is not how you get shit done.

See. While some of these stories are true, most are just fabrications. Media has a business, and its business is selling you the story. The highly inspirational figures and stories are marketing campaigns, whose aim is to raise the perceived value of a specific system, which has money and resources invested into making you believe.

So believe, you do.

And when your belief starts to fade, a new inspirational story and figure emerges out of nowhere. Oh, such a lucky strike. Or such a prodigy.

The moment you believe the story, the moment you buy into the binary thinking of success / failure, you become part of the mass of people who can only experience life by consuming.

Because the other side of the story is that you cant. You cant go in the field and make a homerun. You cant win. You’re not as talented, as lucky, or a prodigy enough. So you cant bare the thought of going all or nothing and burning every bridge ever created. The stakes are too high. You dont even try.

You consume the stories because you cant create your own.

But Im going to tell you how you can. How to get shit done.

III

Let´s say you have never played baseball, but you are going to spend a few months on the field. The machine is going to throw one ball after another. You pay by the hour, but it’s cheap and you have it covered. When you miss the ball, no one cares. When you hit the ball, you get some cheering. When you are clueless, you get some advice from a more experience hitter. Your main reward though is the learning, watching your body adjust to the game, and the sound that emerges from the ball every time you hit it hard and properly, and watching it fade in the horizon.

What are your chances of hitting a homerun?

Now let’s say when the process is over, you comprise your top game, your best moves, and make a portfolio, which is what the rest of the world are going to see. That is your net worth.

IV

In case you missed it, that second scenario is the nurturing approach. Our parents job is to enable a sandbox where we can fail and attempt without real consequences. Somewhere we can play. A game where we can find our strengths and our own moves, and polish ourselves before going into the external world.

Then the formal education is another sandbox.

Both systems are broken. The rewards are misdirected and the focus is in the wrong places. I could critique this stuff for years but let’s skip it for now. The point is that when you leave that process, if you have been properly indoctrinated, your core belief is that:

You cant.

So you have to settle. You have to aim to survive. To buy stuff to fill some weird void that was also induced in you by the system. Get social status and external worth to compensate for your lack of thereof. So you have to believe the stories and live their glory by projection. And whenever your sandbox, that you never formerly abandoned, get´s attacked or, when shit gets real, or, when a big opportunity emerges and finds you unprepared, or, when your own dissatisfaction finally pushes you to the edge and you wonder what would happen if you went for it, what was “really” waiting out there for you…

… you get derived to the first scenario. The one-hit, homerun-or-die, 0.0001% chances one. And it’s too late. And the stakes are too high.

V

But scoring homeruns isnt the problem. The frame is.

Making it big isnt the problem. The frame is.

It doesnt matter if you’re a kid or a senior or how much you have invested in your current frame. This is how you get shit done:

First, quit all distractions. Quit surviving. Quit do-or-die.

Then, embrace do-and-live.

Procure yourself with a sandbox.

Get a mother to nurture you and a father to guide you, or be your own mother and father. Create a sandbox where you can afford to make mistakes. A sandbox where you can play. To your strengths. Where the price for failed attempts is marginal, and the returns for achievements are marginal as well, and where you can ask for advice when you dont know what you’re doing. Where what really matters is your own experience, watching your mind and body adjust to the game, and the sound that emerges from the ball when you hit it hard and properly.

And every time you make a homerun, honor that, hone that. And iterate. And while you are at it, aim for greatness. Aim for excellence. Make it the best, make it count.

If you´re a company, keep it small and contained and cheap and make products. If you´re a writer, retreat to an inexpensive beach and write. If you´re a casanova, go work in a bar. If you´re a business person, make inexpensive deals and grow steadily. Or get jobs were you get paid to learn. And do you best on every step and play like there are no consequences, because there arent.

Then compile your best moves and share them with the world.

And iterate.

When you operate like this homeruns are not the goal. They are an inevitable part of the process.

VI

And last. Most of the stories out there are the nurturing kind. Someone had a kid and decided to make them a star. Some company needed a product and grabbed someone and created a sandbox around them. Some movement needed a leader and some circle needed a villain. And they contain their mistakes and maximize their achievements or viceversa, to make you believe. If you dont know already, that’s how business are made.

Making it big means achieving homeruns. And your top 10 game is all people care about. When you make it big, due to their belief, most people are going to assume that it was easy for you, that you got lucky, that you’re a natural, that you were just borned with it.

And in a way, they will be right.

06 Mar 2012, Posted by yohami in conversations,inner game, 15 Comments.

The stockholm codependent approval seeking syndrome.

I wrote this for a friend.

The reason you’re an easy prey is because whenever someone attempts a personal attack, you open up more, you try to reach a middle ground, you tell the agressor where it hurts, you try the empathy channel with someone who’s not showing signs of empathy.

Let’s call it the stockholm codependent approval seeking syndrome.

See. Sometimes when someone attacks you they have a reason: they have been hurt, or you may have done something wrong, etc, and dialogue is needed. However the intentions of the people attacking you are apparent very quickly.

At the first sign of peace, when you drop your weapon and go talk to them to see what is it all about… do they lower their weapons, or do they fire even more?

If you lower your weapon and open your heart – and then keep telling them how each and every one of the specific bullets they are firing you hurt you so much…

Trust me, they know. They know they are hurting you. And if they didnt know, they know now, since you narrated the last 50 bullets. The question for them is not if you’re hurt, but why you’re not dead already, why you keep coming back from the dead. “Sigh, yes I know I hit you in the head, I hit you right where it hurts, I know, it was intentional… so why exactly do you come back to life, again, you just want more right? take this bitch! you fucking zombie”

I know it’s hurting you but its quite comical.

It’s like watching the “fight” between a carrot and a horde of bunnies.

So, the thing is, there are several coping mechanism for stress. Some people are open to take a share of the blame and want to deal with the problems, some people just want to bounce the blame outside and make other people deal with the problem. We all have both systems, but some people are fixated in one.

You’ll see a lot of “bounce it back to you”, rethorics, shaming, and stuff when you touch something that crosses the emotional boundaries of other people. Then some of them will talk, negotiate, reach agreements, like what you attempted, and some other people will just “attack”. And like in war, you dont stop attacking when the enemy is hurt. When you know your attack is working, you increase it.

You dont stop attacking cancer when it starts responding to the chemo. Cool? so dont expect them to care about the pain they are inflicting, when they are transferring their own pain to you.

And last.

Shaming is emotional manipulation. Adhominen, some specific strawmans, deflections, etc, denial, crazy making… I can make a huge list but it’s always the same. Reframing situations and discourses to charge them with emotional content that might hurt you, as an attempt to gain control over you, or to put you in a chain of command that robs you of your own authority, autonomy, self esteem, etc. so they can salvage themselves at your expense.

Guys do that (AMOG), girls do that, kids do that, and people in general do that when they want to WIN on an emotional / social level and they give a fuck about others.

And, emotional manipulation is done by manipulators. Simple right? Not necessarily that they are manipulators all the time, but they are while they attempt it. So why are you talking to manipulators like they are normal people? the proper response for manipulation is not to engage.

If you find that the only way to talk to some people is to engage in their manipulation, it’s not worth it. Send them back home, walk out.

If the conversation is lost, if the relationship is lost, dont worry, there wasnt one to begin with.

04 Mar 2012, Posted by yohami in personal, 8 Comments.

My weird, random, first Alpha passage

I found a new blog with some good stories. “When I was Alpha” reminds me of my own.

When I was 18 years old I had a four months Alpha passage. It was all there, the confidence, the social proof, the self reasurement, the success, the girls chasing me… the way people looked at me, the way I interacted, commanded, the way I was the center of good and bad attention but got my way, etc. I got there in a random way and wasnt able to sustain it, nor wanted to, because I didnt see it as a “thing”.

Let’s go back a bit.

I graduated highschool with poor grades and no colleges wanted me. I was 17. I was quite smart but socially inept. I was living in a petty, small and superficial beach town that didnt even have pretty girls. I was an angst-driven obsessive omega fuck back then. I had no friends but my books, I was a perfectionist with no tangibles on my favor. My family was dysfunctional and I had no clue of being a man. I was a person. Sort of. I didnt fit anywhere. When I woke up in the morning my first thoughts revolved around killing myself.

So I had no college admissions and no future and had to do something with my life, or to end it, but I had to escape small town. I traveled to the big city to do admission exams for colleges there. I stayed at my grandmother’s apartment. I had a few months to prepare and had to study a lot. I bought some math books, and while I was at it some other stuff caught my eye. “Your erroneous zones”, “Yes, I can say no”, “Emotional Intelligence”, “Lateral Thinking”, “Quantum physics” and some metaphysical stuff as well. I bought all of it.

I wasnt sure if I was going to live, I had this countdown. I had like six months to decide. I spent my days hardcore studying math, popcorn psychology, meditating and screaming in the bathroom. I was angry.

By the time the exams came I knew all I needed about math, and had found I actually liked that stuff. This is a story for another time, but I was unable to grasp math during hishchool – and picked it on my own and then excelled at it. I learned I could only learn my-way, and that meant intense, focused, all-in, and fast, in big chunks of data, and it meant questioning everything, and never turning a page until “I knew” what I had just seen, like I had invented it or reasoned it myself. I learned so much in that small frame of time. I presented the exams and made it to the top 10 on both colleges and both granted me admissions. Something was changing.

Then limbo came. I was on the date where I should decide if I lived or died but I had this college thing going on for me. I was still angry, but I felt like I had superpowers (thanks, popcorn psychology) and wanted to blow things up. I wanted to rub my dissonance on everyone’s faces. I had no immediate business on big city and my grandmother wanted me out. I had six more months before college started and nothing to do with my time.

So I went back to small beach town and enrolled in a private college, on a random computer sciences degree that was just starting, just to burn these months while learning something.

But I didnt give a fuck. I was only going to stay there for six months. I didnt respect the college, the town, the people, the low standards, the mediocrity, I had all my inferiority/superiority complexes and anger, now channeled into asertiveness, and a sense of safety since I had my ticket for a bigger college, in a bigger town, for a better future, just around the corner. I was only there, at that small town and college to learn something for myself, and that meant learning it my way, and the professors and stuff, “they better be good and worth my money and measure up to my standards”… and the girls werent even that pretty.

Maybe you’ll recognize that frame.

I didnt belong there, I was destined for something better, I didnt fit, but I had no intentions to fit. I wasnt boastful, but I wasnt scared, I wasnt shy, I wasnt submissive. I was relaxed and confident, inquisitive and brutally honest. I would sit on the first row close to the professor so I could grasp all the knowledge. I created a space around me, I took risks. Often I would interrupt the class to disagree and debate theories. I made fun of people. I would laugh open and free. I was detached. I didnt care. I was me.

I would be in the middle of a group and if I got bored, I would climb the chair and say something funny. Or I would just climb something high. I would grab the cigarettes from some smoker girl and destroy them (smoking is bad for you puppy), then grab her lighter and chase her around. I was fun. I was unpredictable. I was dangerous.

I became a focus of attention. People started to gather around me and invited me to places. I was the hot guy. Grades started to come and I had only As. Professors respected me. Guys wanted my advice and girls my company. I started teaching math on small groups. I led. I commanded. I owned. I was the authority.

I became accepted.

I went from from the last row in the social chain to the first row with no in betweens and no specific “want” on my part.

I remember one day I was sitting with some girl who had the hots for me and I was trying to “enlighten” her… then she came with this herd story about me being the oh so special man and how I was the shit and everyone looked up to me. And it hit me.

I started caring and that was the beginning of the end. I started having something to lose. I started to fear. I started valuing that reality, that ego. When I invested back on my ego, it was still broken. I was still needy. I was still lonely. It all crumbled.

During the next weeks what happened was surreal. People liked me less. I was insecure. Stuff faded away like it had never been there. And the more it crumbled, the more I cared. The more I was doubted, the more I doubted myself, the more I got lost.

I failed the shit test.

I quit the college and spent the remaining month in a mild crisis. When the big city college time arrived I was back on freak mode.

I got the wrong message there. My conclusion was that since “attachment” was making me a loser, and “caring” brought me down… I had to not care and have no attachments at all. Which I took to the extreme and just became a nihilist zen “saint”, but a full of pain one. Which is a story for another time.

So that brief limbo of not caring while being the king of the world was my first Alpha passage. I wasnt able to repeat it, or even to recognize it, for another 10 years.

Which is also a story for another time.